Perfection Pending

Stories of Perfectly Real Moms

  • My Books
    • Mom Life: Perfection Pending – The Book
    • Free eBook: Sometimes Motherhood Sucks
    • How To Grow Your FB Following
  • Motherhood
    • Inspiration
    • Encouragement
    • Childhood
    • Humor
    • Parenting Memes
    • Friendship
    • Marriage
  • Kid Ideas
    • Recipes
    • Practical Tips
    • Babies & Toddlers
    • teens and tweens
    • The Elementary School Years
  • Mental Health
    • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
  • About
    • Favorite Posts
    • My Portfolio
    • Privacy & Disclosures

Anxiety Inspiration Mental Health

When Anxiety Makes You Rage

14 shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

When I’m having a hard time with my anxiety, I tend to go quiet. But, that doesn’t really serve anyone. Anxiety sucks. I’m on meds, I have gone to therapy (probably need to do a visit again) and yet I still can’t always control it.

This week was super hard. I had a bad migraine that took me out for an entire day, and then the next day I just felt angry. Anxiety makes me a rage monster. I loathe that part of me.

By day 3, my anxiety peaked and I was lashing out at everyone. I hated it, yet I couldn’t control it. I hate that part of me. I hate how the sound of my own children playing in the other room can make me feel like I’m going to lose it.

I hate how I want to be alone. I feel anger, but I feel so much more.

I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear.

I broke down yesterday. I fought with my husband. I slammed things, and finally collapsed in his arms into big heavy sobs last night. I cried it out like I tend to do, and somehow, woke up and the weight, the burden of anxiety, was just a little lighter. Yet, I feel guilt that he has to deal with it. He has to deal with me.

It’s not pretty to admit that you have anger issues. It feels like something that you should never talk about because it’s so shameful. What mother feels angry when her kid is playing happily in the next room? What kind of mother gets annoyed at the tiniest little thing and yells?

This mom does. And, it’s not something I’m proud of. In fact, sometimes I’m tempted to feel so ashamed by it that I want to disappear. I have had thoughts that my family would be better off without me many many times.

Jeffrey Holland said, “We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions” I have to cling to that on the hard days when my eyes are puffy and I have to apologize (again) for how I acted.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that I don’t like feeling alone. I don’t like the sad, scary thoughts that creep in, and I know there is someone out there that is maybe crumbling, or barely holding their head above water.
Know that you aren’t alone either. We’ll get through the bad days because that’s what we have to do.

We have to fight. Because we are so much more than our anxiety. It does not define us. As much as it tries to. We are infinitely MORE than what is crippling us right now. Remember that, my friends. And, know I’m fighting too.

***

If you or someone you know might be struggling with anxiety, seek help. Deciding to go to therapy and then later taking medication was one of the best decisions I ever made.


15 Comments

About The Author Card
« To My Firstborn, Thanks For Loving Me Anyway
The Reason I Don’t Want My Daughter To Be Just Like Me »

Comments

  1. Sue says

    September 26, 2017 at 2:11 am

    Do you
    Reply
  2. Chasidy says

    September 29, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    I'm so nauseated and uplifted to have read this. I'm not alone. I could have wrote this. I'm fighting!
    Reply
  3. Lisa Keifer says

    November 25, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    OH my goodness, this is so me! No one in my life seems to understand, especially my husband. Thank you for sharing this and being so honest! You are definitely not alone.
    Reply
  4. Karys says

    November 26, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    My husband left me because I had undiagnosed anxiety. Told everyone that I abused him. There is no worse sentence than this. Even once medicated he has moved on.
    Reply
  5. Mandi says

    January 12, 2018 at 3:38 pm

    I spent my entire morning today crying, feeling the same way. I feel like I could have written this about my own life, kids and my own struggles.
    Reply
  6. Sky says

    January 12, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    This fits me to a tee, but it never accursed to me it was anxiety driven until now
    Reply
    • Jennnifer says

      October 6, 2019 at 7:50 pm

      I feel the same and I tend to take it out on my kids and then my husband gets mad at me. So nice to know I'm not alone.
      Reply
  7. Lindsay says

    April 28, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience with anger being a result of anxiety! It is eye opening in a mind blowing, game changing way. Thank you.
    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. I'm Worried I Might Be Hoarding - Perfection Pending says:
    September 14, 2017 at 9:14 pm
    […] learned that getting rid of ALL THE THINGS can produce massive anxiety. In fact, I’ve been there […]
    Reply
  2. 7 Signs Your Child May Have Anxiety - Perfection Pending says:
    November 1, 2017 at 1:32 pm
    […] adults face issues with anxiety, it can be easier to spot because we know the usual triggers: stress from work, finances, […]
    Reply
  3. Anxiety – Experiences | journeyofmythoughts says:
    December 28, 2017 at 10:04 pm
    […] https://perfectionpending.net/2017/08/30/when-anxiety-makes-you-rage/ […]
    Reply
  4. I Still Have Anxiety Despite A House Full of Blessings - Perfection Pending says:
    January 28, 2018 at 9:01 pm
    […] expect to accompany me on my journey through motherhood and achieving the american dream was the anxiety that now hangs over me daily, and the jury of peers online that have something to say about it. I have had three nights of […]
    Reply
  5. When Your Anxiety Makes You Rage - That's Inappropriate says:
    April 23, 2018 at 5:15 pm
    […] This post originally appeared on Perfection Pending […]
    Reply
  6. What It Felt Like Having Postpartum Anxiety & How The Owlet Smart Sock Can Give Parents Peace of Mind - Perfection Pending says:
    July 26, 2018 at 10:20 am
    […] and it also helps me when I’m struggling. I’ve written before about my struggles with anger and anxiety, why I take medication, and also what it’s like to have […]
    Reply
  7. What It Felt Like Having Postpartum Anxiety & How The Owlet Smart Sock Can Give Parents Peace of Mind - Owlet Blog says:
    July 26, 2018 at 1:44 pm
    […] and it also helps me when I’m struggling. I’ve written before about my struggles with anger and anxiety, why I take medication, and also what it’s like to […]
    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

My Book: Mom Life Perfection Pending

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

I feel this pain.⁣ ⁣ @bogartcreek I feel this pain.⁣
⁣
@bogartcreek
why do they do this 💔⁣ ⁣ @closetoclassy why do they do this 💔⁣
⁣
@closetoclassy
that middle child though. 😭 that middle child though. 😭
one small step at a time 😅 one small step at a time 😅
Load More... Follow on Instagram

You might also like

Little girl and her mother in kitchen giving high five. Mother and daughter in kitchen cooking. Positive language kids

What Is Positive Language? Here’s Why Using Positive Language with Kids Matters

mom with ponytail sitting on the couch with her head in her hands and knees up emetophobia

I’m A Mom with Emetophobia (The Fear Of Vomiting) And It Can Be Paralyzing

The BEST Heart Eyes Emoji Cookies Recipe

A woman taking a break outside at the end of the day, closing her eyes and taking a breath I never get a break from my child

I Never Get A Break From My Child, So How Can I Keep Going?

New Motherhood Wrecked Me. But, Here’s What I Know Now.

Copyright © 2022 · Perfection Pending · Designed by Krizzy Designs

Copyright © 2022 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

14 shares