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By Meredith Ethington

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Inspiration Motherhood Parenting Perfection

When Motherhood Is Kicking Your Butt

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A few years ago, getting kicked in the butt by motherhood mostly was comprised of sleep deprivation, too much poop, and trying to negotiate with two-year-old irrational dictators. Today it looks different. But, motherhood still kicks my butt at least once a week.

Maybe it’s a tween that comes home from school in an inexplicable bad mood, or a child that has suddenly developed a distaste for all food, or maybe it’s a child that won’t stop eating and you can’t stand the site of one more dirty bowl in your sink.

It’s different for every mother. But, there are days when motherhood will kick your butt.

surviving-when-motherhood-is-kicking-your-butt

Maybe you escape to wine in the evening, or numb yourself in front of the TV. We all self-medicate in our own ways as mothers because motherhood likes to beat us up a little. But, the beautiful part is, that tomorrow truly is another day, and we WILL get through whatever it is that’s kicking our butts in the moment.

I suspect it will never get easier. The butt kicking will just be different as our kids grow and become different. The truth is, I think motherhood is supposed to kick our butts.

I think about the fact often that I’m so different than I was 10 years ago when I became a mom. I’m much more laid back about so much, but I also have a long way to go and I’m pretty sure my butt is going to get kicked a lot more.

And the truth is, I don’t always handle it beautifully. I have sleepless nights worrying about my anxious child, or whether or not I played enough with them. I am downright exhausted for the never-ending laundry and dishes. I see smudges on my walls that I know I’ll never wipe off, and sometimes I consider just moving rather than dealing with cleaning out my refrigerator.

I’m more tired than my kids are from daylight savings time, and today I could not concentrate on anything. By the time my husband came home, I was done. Over it in a way that really wasn’t anyone’s fault.

But, it gives me hope to know mothers all over the world are getting their butts kicked too. Maybe that’s selfish, but frankly it helps to know that somewhere in Australia, or New Mexico, or wherever, another mom is sitting in the bathroom with a stubborn potty trainee singing songs, and talking about reward charts and thinking that if they would just pee, all would be right with the world.

For me, when motherhood kicks my butt, I don’t always embrace it. “Mama said they’ll be days like this” plays in a  constant loop in my head on bad days, and I just sigh and think, I’m. so. done. I guess arguing with my tween about homework is my life now. And it is. But, I also know it’s so much more, really.

I firmly believe that hard work brings great rewards, and motherhood is full of hard work. Sometimes the work involves menial tasks like scrubbing the floor around the toilet, again. Sometimes it’s boring and mundane like folding laundry and matching socks and reading the same book eleventy billion times.

But, it’s also beautiful in between the butt kicking days that motherhood dishes out. Thank goodness for that.

It’s unexpected thank you’s and laughs at the dinner table. It’s inside jokes, and clean kids after a bubble bath and a long day. There is so much more to mothering than the days when it kicks our butts. But, the ass kicking days are what makes us stronger. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

That hope that I’m breaking down to be built up again by a loving God that sees me and all my efforts is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.  He loves me, and He probably is in on the butt kicking because He knows it’s helping me grow.

It’s helping me appreciate the days when no one is throwing up, or the days when we aren’t checking for head lice. Or the days when the tween doesn’t roll her eyes at me. The butt kicking is basically what every mother needs to become the mothers we are meant to become.

So, today, I’m a tiny bit grateful for the butt kicking. But, just a tiny bit.


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. Candid Mama says

    November 8, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    This is beautifully stated. It hits home because last night I was so done. Soooo done. It is nice to know that we are all in this together.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 8, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      Absolutely.

      Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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