Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement Inspiration Mental Health Uncategorized

Why I Hope My Kids End Up In Therapy One Day

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I’m making an appointment to go back to my therapist next week. It’s been about a year.

I had asked my husband a couple of nights ago whether to go to a doctor, get on a diet, go see a psychiatrist or lock myself in the room so I could quit being a horrible person (ok – I didn’t really say that last one, but I felt it). He said lovingly, “I think you need to go back to therapy.”

I let out a long sigh Napoleon Dynamite style and declared I was going to bed. But, I knew he was right.

I loved therapy, although I guess part of me thought I had been there done that and I was all good.

PS- I’m not.

I’ve been angry lately, had my anxiety come back in full force, had days where I just wanted to lay in bed and I’m just not coping well in general to be honest. Could I fix it on my own? Maybe, but I’m not doing it. So I’m going back to my therapist.

You hear the jokes about how our kids are going to need therapy one day. I’m not going to lie – I hope they do. Not because I hope they are screwed up from their childhoods, but because I think everyone should go to therapy. At least a few times.

I’m tired of therapy being thrown around as this horrible thing. I’m a better mom because I went to therapy, and part of that is because I’ve learned valuable lessons from everything like loving myself to learning how to do deep breathing exercises. I’ve passed those things on to my kids, and I think we should all go to therapy.

You go to therapy! You go to therapy! Everyone go to therapy!!!!!

Here’s the deal, whether you’re a parent or not, therapy can give you skills. Life is hard, and stressful and messy. We go to school to learn how to do everything from writing a grammatically correct sentence to becoming a doctor. We need those skills to survive in life, but guess what, we also need life skills to help us survive our every day as human beings, too.

In therapy, I’ve learned a lot of things that have helped me improve myself, but I’ve also learned a lot of things that have helped me survive life’s really difficult challenges. Why wouldn’t I want that for my kids some day?

I have anxiety and OCD. I had symptoms as a child that were overlooked and went unnoticed by my parents. Looking back, it would have been life changing for me as a kid that had to get up in the middle of the night to check all the windows and doors to make sure they were locked because I couldn’t fall asleep to be able to understand that wasn’t normal behavior, and there were things I could do to combat it.

It would have been a relief to know how to deep breathe my way through a frustrating experience or tantrum rather than having a full-blown melt down.

It would have been a miracle to have the skills to distract myself when I needed distracting from my incessant worrying, or have been able to cope more easily when things didn’t go my way.

It would have been a relief to recognize a panic attack for what it was instead of worrying that I was dying from a heart attack my sophomore year in college.

So, what I’m saying is, we all need skills. Mental health issues or not. Just like we need skills to know how to read and write, we need skills to know how to cope and thrive, and love ourselves through this messy, difficult existence.

Perhaps if life were perfect, we wouldn’t need therapy, but that’s just about the only scenario I can imagine where someone wouldn’t benefit from it. After all, we’re all fumbling our way through this life experience not really knowing how to cope with both big and little things. This is the first time we’ve ever lived this life. Why not have some skills to make it amazing?

***

Meredith Ethington is the founder and creator of Perfection Pending, and has been blogging for over 10 years. She is a mom to three, and is desperately trying to help her kids understand sarcasm, and her need for personal space. She recently turned Perfection Pending into a contributor site to share the voices of all the fellow moms she admires. She is a freelance writer for sites like Scary Mommy, Babble, Huffington Post, and Momtastic. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.

 

 


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. MARY ANN says

    January 20, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    Yes!! Such a useful tool!

    Reply
  2. Laura Ketchie says

    January 21, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    (A therapist here….)
    Meredith, thank you for sharing this. You’re sending such a healthy message–you’re okay with therapy, and you’re okay with your children having it, too. Therapy shouldn’t be this threat…almost like punishment. It takes a lot of personal growth to be able to see when you needed it yourself and to be accepting of how your children can benefit from it. Unfortunately, many parents see themselves as failures if they are considering therapy for their children. I’m glad that you’re not falling into that trap. Great blog post!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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