When I first heard about the celebrity phone hacking scandal, I immediately rolled my eyes.
Do that many people take naked pictures of themselves?
I mean, haven’t they learned? The average relationship in Hollywood lasts about 2.5 seconds and yet they are apparently swapping nude photos with each other as often as my eight year old daughter cranks out those rainbow loom bracelets.
But, they have rights too, I guess. Even though they are uber rich and pretty and famous. They are still HUMAN. I have my doubts when they do things like write books full of their own “failed” attempts at selfies. But, since I do care about human rights I guess I will admit that it was super wrong of those creepy hacker people to steal their photos. Shame on them. But, shame on the celebrities too, no?
You might not believe it, but I recently decided to join the world of people addicted to their smart phones. Yep. I got my VERY FIRST EVER smart phone about two months ago and I finally learned which notification sounds mean what this very day. Like today, I realized the difference between the text notification and the FB one. That’s progress people.
So, I started thinking about my phone. And, started worrying about getting hacked. What would they steal? My photos? My identity? What!?
Then I realized I’m a 37 year old mom to 3 and nobody cares about hacking into my phone. But if they did, they might find some interesting things. Here are the top 10 things you’d see if this mom’s phone got hacked.
1. Kid selfies. Self-explanatory really, but why not share some evidence anyway.
2. REAL failed selfie attempts. Like the one where I suddenly surprise myself when I go to camera mode and it’s pointed directly at my double chin nasal shot. Glamorous. Then I hit the button actually taking a picture while trying to turn the camera around. Perfect.
children were cropped out to protect the innocent. As usual, please refer to the about me page for how normal I really look.
3. Pictures no one can identify. Sometimes, I can figure it out. If I try really hard, I can see that the two year old took a picture of my armpit at some point that I can’t remember, or the kitchen floor, or my hairy leg. No, I will not be posting a picture of that.
4. The should-I-take-this-kid-to-the-emergency-room picture I send to my husband in the middle of the day.
5. The pictures I send to my sister in a dressing room asking something like, “Does my butt look big?” or “Can I really pull off skinny jeans?” or “Does this color make my skin look pasty?” She already knows that she must delete immediately after viewing. But, if you’re lucky, I may have forgotten to delete one or two of those.
6. There are lots of, I-hope-I-never-forget-this-moment pictures.
Don’t mind the plant that’s dying a slow and painful death.
7. Unread emails from the PTA.
8. Missed calls from people I won’t name.
9. Lists of notes I’ve taken so I can try to remember something simple, like you know, the first day of school.
10. And last but not least, lots of texts between my husband and I. But, they don’t ever include nudity. They look something more like this.
So, hackers, have at it. I’d love to see how you use all of the valuable information I have on my phone. If it’s interesting enough to sell to People, I’ll split the profits with you.
What would I find on YOUR phone? Tell me. I want to know!
Rivki Silver says
Haha, welcome to the work of smartphones! I was a latecomer as well, and now look at me, typing this comment FROM MY PHONE.
I’d have about the same collection of photos and stuff, except no texts from my husband. He still has a flip phone.
I tried to avoid getting one for so long. He’ll come around eventually.
Susan Maccarelli says
Brilliant!! I love this! I don’t have a smart phone (I know, I know), but if I did, I’m sure it would contain much of the same. This is so hilarious!
You are SO nice to share for me in the bloppy thread this morning. I woke up with a moment of panic thinking…did I really just post that horrible photo of myself on the internet?? Then I saw you shared it before I could delete. Ha! Kidding. I like embarrassing myself from time to time. And, the smart phone is fun, but it ages you quickly. 😉
Chris Carter says
LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! I think my phone has the same stuff!!!
And oh, that pic of your kiddos. It caught my heart off guard! Just precious.
Thanks Chris! You’re so sweet.
Sandy Ramsey says
It’s an awful thing…this whole naked picture scandal. Lots of opinions on it too. My phone photos are pretty boring too. Kids and butterflies. Actually, to me, that’s not boring at all but I doubt hackers are standing in line to have a look! Great post. A lot of fun and some great pics, too!
My phone… You’d find lots of pictures of my kids, blurry pictures taken by my kids, and a few self-incriminating photos of me trying on some ridiculously oversized clothing. Yeah, I’m living the wild life. 😛
You and me both, friend. 😉
Rabia @TheLiebers says
Well, until yesterday when I finally deleted a bunch of stuff to find more space, you would have found 37 pictures my four-year old took of the sheets on my bed. 37!?! He said, “Look, Mommy! I took pictures of your bed!”
hahaha! Awesome. Yes, I have to do a lot of deleting around here too.
Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard at this! I haven’t joined the world of smart phones yet (holding out as long as I can! *fingers crossed*) so there really isn’t that much interesting on my phone. A few uninteresting text messages (“on my way” “still watching the kids tonight?” or “does 6:40 work?”), a couple to-do lists… that’s really it.
Which I guess is good because baby loses my phone allllll the time.
Yes. I got the steel case and insurance with mine. You know, because….kids.
Emily Bates says
I just updated my phone, too–to one of those phones that has a slide-out QWERTY keyboard. I’m riding the edge of technology here. But hey, no hacking worries!
haha! That’s what I had before. So funny.
jennifer groeber says
HA. This is exactly what I end up thinking. “Wanna hack my phone? Knock yourself out. Maybe you can reply to my husband what you want to do for dinner…” A friend had tape over the “eye” on his ipad… it’s the camera next to the screen. Because he said people can hack into your ipad and see through that. So some weird guy in a basement can see me put my mouthguard in while wearing pajamas and squinting at my ipad screen to set my ocean sounds at midnight? Seriously. You’re welcome for that, hacker. Enjoy.
(Great post! Loved the picture on the steps!)
HAHA! Jen. You’re hilarious. Best comment ever.
Awesome. I think I like the conversation between you and hubbie best.
Yep. That’s my phone too. Right down to the laundry comment.
Glad I’m not alone!
This made me giggle! On my phone you’d also find about 263 photos of my son’s Lego creations- side views, aerial views, how they look on the carpet, how they look on that box I brought home from Costco two weeks ago (still hasn’t made it to the recycling bin), and how they look flying through the air.
Ha! Love it.
I can relate, especially with the non-identifiable photos that my toddler took! I make notes for tons of things, but still forget.
Me too! The mommy brain is rough. 🙂
I just deleted a ton of photos AND videos that my 3 year old took. Most are unflattering images of me doing all sorts of housework OR sleeping. Pssshhh.
Ha. Yes, they would all be pictures of me doing housework too.
Kristi Campbell says
Love it! HAHA! Yeah, that’s about what you’d find on my phone as well, along with all of the bad art projects that I finally made myself throw away but the mommy guilt has me snapping photos of them anyway! Pinned your text with your hubby – too funny!
Thanks Kristi!! I like the ideas of taking pictures of the art. SO smart.
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
HA! There would be a lot of that on my phone, too, but definitely not any naked photos!!~! 🙂
My phone had a gazillion selfies from the kid on it when it was new…