Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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In the Motherhood Inspiration Motherhood Uncategorized

I’m So Glad They Told Me: It’s OK to Know Your Limits

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One of the most naive things I ever said in my days of being young and single was that I wanted to have 8 kids.

I’ll let those of you who read my blog take a moment to laugh hysterically at that one. I’ll just say in my best southern voice about my pre-kids, pre-married self, “Bless her heart”.

But, at the time, I truly did believe that all I wanted in the entire world was to get married, and start popping out babies. But, over the next few years after that endearing statement, I got wiser, and got to know myself a little bit better, and started to realize my expectations, although cute, weren’t really….me.

Growing up as a Mormon, I have always believed, and still do, that we were put on this earth for a specific plan, and purpose. Part of that purpose is to have families. While Mormons aren’t anti-birth control, it’s definitely taught quite regularly by church leaders that children are life’s greatest blessings, and that we should have as many as possible. So, a part of me always thought that having lots of babies was not only what I would do, but what I should do.

Fast forward a few years, when I had my first born. I was almost 29 years old, and excited to become a mom. Little did I know how it would change me for the better, and cripple me with the ugliest parts of motherhood, including postpartum depression and severe anxiety. After three babies, I thought about my pre-kids, pre-married self, and thought, Who did she think she was? 8 babies? Never. 

The issue isn’t with doubting my choice to have “only 3” it’s that I wish I could have more, but I know my limits. And, that’s sometimes hard to say out loud.

One day, I was texting my sister that I felt like everyone around me was announcing their next pregnancy. While I wasn’t jealous, because I truly feel like my family is complete, I felt sad for the fact that I was at my limit. That for me, it was time to stop popping out babies. And, that maybe there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t handle more.

She said something though that totally reaffirmed the decision I had already made in my heart, that I knew was right. She simply said, “Don’t think about it for more than a second. Just work on the ones you’ve got!”

And, I remembered the saying, “Comparison is the thief of Joy.”

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I have three gorgeous children that I’m constantly worried about messing up. But, I know I’m getting it right sometimes, too. And, I was feeling sad for what reason? To keep up with what everyone else was doing? Because they could handle it and I couldn’t? Because there was some unwritten rule of how many kids I should have as a member of my church?

She was absolutely right. I need to shift my focus and concentrate on the three I had and forget about what everyone else was doing.

Then, one day, I was talking to another Mormon mom with two beautiful little girls. She and I started opening up about the stresses of being parents, and how it was harder than we ever thought it would be, and she confessed to me that she knew her limits, and two was enough for her. I was so grateful in that moment for another mom that was brave enough to admit her own limits, and accept them openly without shame. I was SO glad she told me how she felt, because I felt so much less alone.

I’m grateful for the self-awareness that I have gained as a Mom to know my limits, and stop comparing myself to what others are doing. Because I am good enough. And, I’m beyond blessed to have the three that I do. I can’t wait to see who they become. And, I’m not looking back on the what ifs for another second.

************

I wrote this post as part of a So Glad They Told Me campaign by my blogging friend, Stephanie at Mommy, For Real to share the truths about the parts of parenting that are hard. She asked other mothers to speak out about things that they wish they had been told, or things that they were told about motherhood that helped them.

She asked us to take selfies of these things for part of her campaign, so I thought I’d share mine. 🙂 I truly am grateful that I’ve realized that motherhood isn’t a competition, but we just need to have more confidence in ourselves. #SoGladTheyToldMe

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And, here is one more that  I hope all mothers can realize:

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What is the piece of parenting advice that YOU received that you’re so glad you know? Or what is something you wish you would have been told?

 


7 Comments

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Comments

  1. Sylva Fae says

    January 28, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Snap! I wanted a huuuuuge family but I have reached my limit with three and it’s a happy limit. I was blessed with one, ecstatic with two and complete with three. Three is a magic number…

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 28, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      For me too! So glad you found your happy limit. 🙂

      Reply
  2. jennifer groeber says

    January 28, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Love this. I always thought I’d have five children. Then my husband and I aimed for two but overshot it by two. So we’re not that far from five, but still. Can you imagine? The seatbelts alone would leave me hoarse (from all the yelling.) Love your beautiful selfies and always appreciate the beautiful candor.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 28, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      Thx Jennifer!! You’re amazing.

      Reply
  3. john coleman says

    January 29, 2015 at 7:34 am

    Lovely post, Meredith. For years I had a sweatshirt that had Latin on the chest: “Sumus quod Sumus”–we are what we are. I wore that baby out. Peace and best, John

    Reply
  4. The Dusty Parachute says

    January 29, 2015 at 8:15 am

    I just love that quote you used “Comparison is the Thief of Joy” – What a wonderful message and post!

    Reply
  5. Lindsey says

    February 7, 2015 at 9:15 am

    Man. I should really read your blog more. I always sound like such an awesome sister! 😉

    PS-you’re beautiful.

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
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But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

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#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

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But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

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But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

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Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
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You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

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