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By Meredith Ethington

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Guest Bloggers Guest Post Humor Motherhood Parenting

6 Ways Preschoolers are Just Like Telemarketers

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Having worked in a call center for a summer during college, I can assure you I have nothing against telemarketers. That said, I think we can agree popular opinion about telemarketers is, well, not great. Now that I have children, I’ve started to notice some similarities between my 3-year-old and my former co-workers from back in the day.

  1. They never fail to demand your attention when you’re making dinner. Preschoolers are always clingy attention-mongers, but they really step up their game during dinner prep. In all my years of mothering (I have 5 children) I don’t think I’ve ever managed to make dinner without burning it because I had to solve a meltdown, dress a Barbie, bandage an invisible injury, or Google “how to remove smashed Play-do from hair.”
  1. They rarely let you get a word in edgewise. Whether she’s alone or with others, my preschooler maintains a constant running commentary that may or may not include made-up songs about various bodily functions. If I’m really quick, I can sometimes get in an “uh-huh” before she launches into another 10-minute monologue.
  1. They pester you to buy stuff you don’t want. From checkout aisle candy to the cute gerbils they saw at Petco to the stuffed animal that would make #237 in their collection, preschoolers beg you to buy things you have no desire to own pretty much every moment they’re awake. If you inadvertently walk past Build-A-Bear at the mall, heaven help us all.
  1. They can’t take a hint. Subtly suggesting you’re busy or that it’s not a good time right now will go nowhere with your preschooler. Even if you make it really obvious by, say, locking yourself in the bathroom with a Snickers bar, your child will be right there sticking his fingers under the door and asking to come in. You need to be incredibly direct when dealing with a preschooler, but unfortunately…
  1. They won’t take no for an answer. When a preschooler asks, “Can I _____?” don’t think for a second that a simple ‘no’ will end the conversation. She knows what she wants and she’ll keep on asking like her paycheck depends on it until your ‘no’ turns into a ‘yes.’ Every explanation you give for why you can’t accommodate her request will be immediately countered.
  1. They’ll be back. You know how if you hang up on a telemarketer they’ll just call again tomorrow? Your preschooler also won’t give up until he’s tried and tried again. He may retreat to plan his next attack (to the untrained eye this looks like playing Duplos,) but he’ll be back. Probably tomorrow night at dinnertime, with yogurt on his face and ready to play that temper tantrum card he’s been saving all afternoon.

Good luck with your little telemarketer today, moms. And don’t even ask about being put on the “do not whine” list. I tried that. It doesn’t exist.

unnamedAbout the author: Jenny Evans is a night owl, perfectionist, and mother of 5 who someday aspires to make it to an appointment on time. When she’s not cleaning juice out of the carpet, she makes jokes at her own expense and blogs about her messy life with a houseful of kids at Unremarkable Files. You can also visit her on Facebook.


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Comments

  1. Louise says

    April 3, 2016 at 11:41 am

    Hee hee! This is a great comparison. Thanks for the giggle as I clean through my inbox!

    Reply
  2. aimee says

    April 5, 2016 at 4:05 am

    Oh how funny comparing the two. Frankly, I think that I can get rid of telemarketers quicker than I can a preschooler. It’s not easy to ignore and break the heart of a little one. 🙂

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      April 6, 2016 at 10:57 am

      So true!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Creating Balance with Weekend Reads – Create Balance with Marie Levey-Pabst says:
    March 27, 2016 at 5:06 am

    […] 6 Ways Preschoolers are Just Like Telemarketers| Perfection Pending by Jenny Evens of the Unremarkable Files. If you’ve ever tried to figure out why irrefutable logic or common courtesy don’t seem to make a difference when negotiating communicating with your preschooler, this hilarious article is for you! […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington
If this ain’t the truth. @house_feminist If this ain’t the truth. @house_feminist
You get to a point as a mom where you want your ba You get to a point as a mom where you want your babies back. 
You look at old photos and it almost breaks your heart. 
As hard as it was to deal with the tantrums and the nighttime feedings and the picky toddler, the photos from that time period make you want to cry at some point.
I’m at that point. 
Don’t get me wrong - this stage of parenting is great too. I don’t have to wipe anyone’s butt and they can all shower themselves now. 
They can make small meals and stay home alone. And all of that is blissful just like I imagined. 
But I’m not going to lie - I see pictures like this and I miss my babies. That little girl in front is a Senior in high school. That toddler on my hip is in his first year in junior high. That cute kid my husband is holding? He just started high school. 
And I’m ticked that they were right. 
You will miss it one day. 
I miss their voices and dimpled hands and I miss that feeling at night when you go to bed so exhausted from just surviving. 
Do I want to go back? Ha! No. 
Well maybe for a few minutes to take a deep breath of their heads and get a hug with their toddler arms around my neck. 
Maybe to hear, “Mama!” One more time. 
But go back for good? Nope. The no butt wiping is pretty awesome. 
Hang in there mamas. You’ll miss it one day but don’t get hung up on that. It’s kind of nice in a way to get that lump in your throat and know how far you’ve come. ❤️
Anxiety VS Depression - I am studying the differen Anxiety VS Depression - I am studying the differences this week in school and made this little graphic to organize my own brain after studying the DSM 5

Disclaimer - nothing is absolute with mental health but knowledge is POWER. Take care of yourselves people. You deserve it. 
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SAME. @notfolu SAME. @notfolu
I feel like I’m failing. And today it was over I feel like I’m failing. 
And today it was over a loaf of bread. Freaking bread, man. 
My daughter came home from school for lunch and wanted a grilled cheese but we were out of bread. 
I knew we were out of bread and I thought I got bread in my grocery order last night but apparently I didn’t. 
This resulted in a short grumpy exchange where she stormed out and we both later apologized over text. 
Me for failing at having bread. 
Her for overreacting. 
I used to be so on top of meal planning and prep and keeping everyone’s favorite things stocked. 
Now I’m failing at it. 
I knew when I went back to school balls would be dropped. And apparently keeping track of the food is where I’m failing. I know I’m not failing at everything (my GPA is amazing) but failure still sucks when you’re used to doing something competently but your brain or body or whatever can no longer do it all. You’ve reached max capacity. 
They aren’t going to starve by any means and teenagers can go get their own bread. I know I know. 
But it’s always been my job. And now I just can’t do it the way I used to. 
It symbolizes the way all women inevitably fail when one. More. Thing. Gets added to our plates. 
The mental load is too much from the moment we become the wives and the moms. Honestly adulting feels hard these days in general. For my husband too. We frequently feel like we’re drowning in responsibility and tasks. 
A loaf of bread makes me feel like a failure. 
WHY does anyone sign up for this? 😅 
Anyway - maybe you’re not crazy enough to go back to school like me but one more thing still got added to your adulting plate and you know you will fail in one area or another. 
You will. 
It may not be the loaf bread like me but something will get dropped or forgotten. Mistakes WILL be made. 
The mental load is heavy. 
Let’s normalize failure ok? 
Not in all areas but in some when the load gets too heavy. 
Because this mama needs that reassurance right now. Maybe you do too.
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Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
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This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
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