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Humor In the Motherhood Motherhood Parenting

7 Tricks to Stop the Fake Crying.

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I recently heard that in Japan, they hold crying clubs. They watch sad movies, and read sad books in order to induce a good,  healthy cry.

I know that I love me a good cry. Don’t you? I swear I need to have a good cry weekly. If it’s the week before my period, that might get upped to daily. When I’m sad, I cry. When I’m mad, I cry. When I want to scream, I cry. When I’m laughing on the phone with my sister, I cry…sometimes until I’ve almost wet my pants. I’ve had three kids, after all.

So, my point is…I can appreciate a good cry.

However, as a mother of three little ones, I do not appreciate a fake cry. I’m cruel and heartless, I know. Maybe the three people that read my blog that don’t have kids don’t know what a fake cry is. “A fake cry?” you ask in astonishment. “What’s that!?”

You lucky people.

If you are under 4 feet tall in our house, then you fake cry. Often. And, it’s getting so out of control, that sometimes, they have fake crying competitions in the backseat of the car.

And, there is nothing more infuriating than a fake cry. I can still hear my Dad’s voice ringing in my ears when I used this tactic, “Quit your fake crying!” he would yell. Between the fake crying, and my real crying, it’s really a miracle that I didn’t drive that man to the loony bin.

But, I swear, we get kids like us for a reason. To humble us, and make us appreciate that our parents didn’t beat us as often as they wanted to.

If you are like me, you are desperate to find ways to stop the fake crying. Here are a few tips:

1. Beat them. Kidding. Seriously, I’m KIDDING! Instead, give them the fake crying right back. Get theatrical. It usually makes my kids laugh, or confused. Either way, they almost always stop fake crying.

tumblr_m0du9eTeXi1qi5jk5o7_400source

2. Distraction. I loved this dad’s approach to ask his kid “What does the Cow say?” in the middle of her fake crying. Hmm…I wonder if this would work for the 7 year old? Doubt it.

3. Tell them to produce real tears. If this cat can do it, they should be able to also!

cat-cryingsource

4. Get to the source and call their bluff. Put a smile on your face while you’re asking, “Are you trying to get your brother in trouble?” It will confuse them enough to possibly confess. Is mommy happy about my trickery? they will wonder…since you are smiling and all.

4efbf2d9bf4ad93ad67efe8b995f6e6258982188f8b2f755961a4002c98b099f

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5. Ignore it. OK, this works sometimes. In fact, it’s what the “experts” say to do. And, by experts I mean moms on message boards. It could work, in theory. But, just make sure your child is really old enough to fake cry. K?  Hint: 3 months old is too young.

Baby Crying

Mom! Why did you make me wear this tiny tuxedo?

6. Tell yourself it’s just a phase. It probably is. But, it’s scary how young they figure this out.

tumblr_m7grvnV3Hb1rosfz0o1_500

source

And even scarier how long they keep it up.

7. Give in. OK, I know that this should definitely be the last resort, but sometimes, we just have to keep our sanity. Am I right?

tumblr_kpowmc5CAf1qzma4ho1_400

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And, just FYI, it’s quite possible this blog post is the worst parenting advice ever. But, good luck! I hope you don’t let the little people win, unless it’s absolutely necessary.


36 Comments

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Comments

  1. Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) says

    January 6, 2014 at 10:16 am

    Ha! You have a GIFT for picking the best GIFs to match your writing! Hilarious!
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 6, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      It's my first time using GIFs…thank you!! :)
      Reply
      • superSAHD says

        January 10, 2014 at 6:44 pm

        Big fan of the gifs. Gonna start using them myself more often. Also, great post. Fake cryers are the worst.
        Reply
        • Meredith says

          January 10, 2014 at 7:40 pm

          This was my first post using them! It was pretty fun, I have to admit. :)
          Reply
  2. Karen says

    January 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Ha! That made me laugh! I absolutely detest fake crying!!!!!! My kids now know, it just doesn't work with me AT. ALL.
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 6, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      I know. It really is the worst!! :)
      Reply
  3. Krissy @ Mommy Miscellaneous says

    January 7, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    Omg a woman after my own heart. My 8 year old is the QUEEN of fake crying, she does it at least once daily and I want to smack herrrrrr! She whines and "cries" and thinks I actually care when she fakes it.
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 8, 2014 at 7:53 am

      So what you're telling me is that they don't break the habit anytime soon? :( Thanks for stopping by!
      Reply
  4. The Waiting says

    January 7, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    I can barely handle the REAL crying. I don't know what I'll do when she starts faking it.
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 8, 2014 at 7:52 am

      Ugh. I know! It is the worst!
      Reply
  5. Anna says

    January 8, 2014 at 9:03 am

    I guess I'm one of your three ... but I have many little ones in my life and I #knowdislife. I mother humping HATE the fake cry. It makes me want to shove an ice pick in my ear canal. Having said that ... matching them with a fake cry of my own seems to be the remedy in the lead. HOWEVER, as an aunt/guardian/etc., to really do it justice, you kinda need the parents to not be in the vicinity because it AIN'T pretty and might even seem mean if they've never given it a spin. Good post! :)
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 8, 2014 at 9:11 am

      Yay for being one of my three!! :) Yes, doing it back to them seems to always be the number one thing that works over here too!!
      Reply
  6. Amber says

    January 8, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    Oh yes, my daughter loves the fake crying. It can drive me insane. If she does it I generally pick her up, deposit her on the bed, and shut the door. Then she usually shouts, "This is so RUDE!"
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 8, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      haha! That's hilarious!!
      Reply
    • Jen says

      January 20, 2020 at 8:21 pm

      Awesome idea, I wonder if my boyfriend will get upset when he finds out I try this on his fake crying daughter
      Reply
  7. Kerry says

    January 8, 2014 at 8:25 pm

    Oh, I am all too familiar with the fake cry and it makes me crazy. I ignore until I crack and send my kids to their rooms. But I am not at all familiar with the cry clubs, that is hilarious! I'm all about a good cry too, not sure I could do it under such pressure though! ;)Goodness knows I can cry enough on my own. haha!
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 8, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      I know! It would be a lot of pressure, huh?
      Reply
  8. Tammy Doiel @creativekkids.com says

    January 8, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    Yeah, my almost 5 year old boy will do this, and there's nothing worse than a boy crying (fakely). So if he keeps it up, I send him to his room as I tell him I don't want to hear it. He can come back when he's not crying. Cruel!
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 9, 2014 at 9:41 am

      Not cruel!! It's better than the last option of just giving in!! :)
      Reply
  9. Allison B says

    January 9, 2014 at 8:24 am

    Hilarious!! I can't stand my daughter's fake crying! She can produce real tears at the drop of a hat though. We just send her to her room and tell her to come out when she's calm and it works every time. Now how do we get the little drama queens to stop all together? We'd make millions in book sales if only we could figure it out.
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 9, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Or, wait until she wants to pursue acting!! Then, you will be set. ;)
      Reply
  10. Angela Culley says

    January 20, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    Love the pics and the videos you selected to support your writing! I can't relate to the fake cry of children, but my pooch has me whipped! He has a fake whine he uses for EVERYTHING! Maybe I'll try your advice and let you know how it goes. Stopping by as a member of your SITS Tribe. I am looking forward to getting to know you!
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 20, 2014 at 8:03 pm

      Thanks for stopping by!! :)
      Reply
  11. Megan Lisica says

    September 13, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    OMG! So true!! The fake crying kills me!! This is funny :)
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      September 14, 2014 at 11:42 am

      Thanks! :)
      Reply
  12. Tarana says

    September 30, 2014 at 7:50 am

    Thankfully we don't have the fake cry yet, but we have the fake 'I'm being tortured' scream which is wayyy worse!
    Reply
  13. Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. says

    September 30, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Oh, I HATE the fake crying. I'll take any suggestions I can get... you never know when something might work! I think I"ll try the cow one first. :) Solidarity, sister! From another mom-who-is-constantly-plagued-by-fake-crying.
    Reply
  14. Carin Kilby Clark says

    September 30, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    Hahahaha @ don't let the little people win. Great advice!
    Reply
  15. Chris Carter says

    October 2, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Oh Meredith!! This CRACKED me UP!!! Girl- my SON fake cries and I want to HIT HIM!!! I tell him that too... and then he laughs while he's fake crying- but I swear- it drives me CRAZY and I have NO tolerance for it!!! LOVE this. :)
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      October 5, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      Oh! I'm sorry that you're experiencing the same pain as I am!! Fake Crying is the WORST!
      Reply
  16. Courtney says

    May 14, 2015 at 1:41 am

    If i hear any more fake crying or fits about literally nothing i think i might spontaneously combust. #threeyearolds #whatareyougoingtodo #terroristtoddlers Monday i resorted to fake crying myself, i laid on the floor and kicked and screamed....my son was laughing crazy hard. But i can't do that in public unless wine is involved lol... Oh dear.
    Reply
    • Meredith says

      May 14, 2015 at 7:22 am

      Haha! I'm glad I'm not the only one that fake cries to get my kids attention!
      Reply
  17. Emily says

    July 21, 2015 at 4:51 am

    My 3-year-old doesn't start by fake crying, but if something makes her cry for real, then she will milk it for all it is worth. I can hear the difference when she is done with the real crying and has moved on to fake crying. Usually I ask her, "Do you think that's enough crying, or do you want to cry more?" That way she knows that I know that she knows it's a choice she is making at that point. So much of our emotions ARE a choice, in my opion. My husband and I also praise her when she is able to stop crying quickly on her own. Now, when she gets a little "owie," she'll sometimes smile proudly and say, "I only cried a little bit!"
    Reply
  18. adam says

    September 28, 2015 at 2:27 am

    Thanks for this article. I just took my daughter to school crying all the way. But with intervals of this cheeky grin .. Like I know what I'm doing and I'm going to wind you up because I didn't get what I want. I felt at a loss what to do but I plan on trying some tips in your article especially the fake crying one.
    Reply
  19. Bonnie says

    October 10, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    Thank you for your honest suggestions. I've read a dozen other posts telling us that we need to find the reason why and comforting them. The reason is they are trying to drive us insane. I'm pretty sure they have meetings about it while we're sleeping. lol
    Reply
  20. Diana Freeman says

    August 22, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    Brilliant 😊 thank you!
    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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