I wrote a post a little while ago that was featured on Scary Mommy. It was innocent enough, and all about my two year old declaring he had a hard day. Honestly I had no clue if people would find it funny, but in my wildest dreams I never thought anyone would find it controversial. That just goes to show you I still have a lot to learn. Funny how I thought the mommy wars were over.
I’m cute and naive that way.
But I have to owe the popularity of that post to the first commenter who started the controversy. She innocently suggested I just ask my toddler why he had a hard day.
Oooh. Thanks random interwebs lady. Never thought of that one.
Then I started to fantasize about a world where you could actually communicate with two year olds in a clear way. Sure, now, I can ask him questions, and he answers me to the best of his ability. But, real conversations with a two year old with meaning and purpose are still a little bit elusive around here.
What would it be like? I wondered.
“Why was your day hard little man?” I could ask.
“Because you wouldn’t let me strangle the cat.” He would answer.
It could be nice. And so handy. I mean one sweet commenter lady declared her kids were “speaking in complete sentences at two because she asked them questions and challenged their brains” sooooo, yeah, that would be nice.
Because I’m totally anti-brain challenging. Obviously.
But, for real. Think of the possibilities!
We could wake up and just ask what they were going to destroy that day.
“Glad you asked, Mom. I was thinking of taking a sharpie to the couch first and then trying my hand at a little frisbie throwing with your new plates.”
We could ask about naptime and know whether or not it was going to ruin the day.
“Yeah, I was thinking I would toy with your emotions for a while and make you think I am going to nap. Then about 15 minutes in I’ll attempt to take my diaper off in bed and pee on the sheets you just washed. At dinner, I’ll fall asleep in my bowl of spaghetti. Cool?”
And meal planning could get so much easier.
“Yeah, so I will refuse all meats and veggies this week and stick to a strict diet of noodles and protein bars. Forget making that meal I loved last night for dinner. It’s so last week. Save yourself the time and energy.“
You could be warned about catastrophic events ahead of time.
“I love Target and all too, but about ten minutes in, I’m going to make you wish you had never come. Right when you fill the cart so full that I have to walk, I’ll start pulling things off shelves, demanding to be held, then go limp and lay down on the floor screaming. Next time, just buy me the popcorn, OK?”
We could just cut right to the chase and be told so much information.
“I won’t potty train until I’m 3 1/2 because I’m scared a shark is lurking down there.”
“The reason why I’m still waking up at night is because my foot gets itchy and I want you to scratch it.”
“I really wish you would let me play with knives and do all the dangerous things. Since you won’t, I’m going to start refusing to eat breakfast for a week.”
In the photo above, he refused to believe me that the cone was edible. So, he insisted on having a spoon. We aren’t exactly dealing with rational little human beings people.
And, it would be SO nice to hear, “I love you mama. I know I’m difficult, because I work hard to be. But, I know you work hard too, and one day, I’ll take care of you when you’re old and gray and wrinkly, so try not to worry too much about my temper tantrums. It will ALL be worth it in the end.”
A tired, exhausted mom of three can dream, right?
Brilliant response to those who lack a sense of humor! I doubt they would understand this very funny post. Loved it!
Thanks Denise!!
LOVE this Meredith! You have NAILED it once again!! Good Lord, what is wrong with people? I love your come back post, my friend. I am standing at my computer giving you a standing ovation!!!
And chuckling too. 😉
Thanks Chris! People are crazy. It’s ok. I’ve accepted it.
Oh this made me laugh. Just the other day I asked my two year old why she had just wrecked something (I don’t remember which thing it was, there are too many) her very serious answer: “Oh, I just wanted to.”
LOL. I know. I think that’s why they do most things they do honestly. ha!
Ha! I love it! Some people should really think before they speak -or comment – because they make themselves look ridiculous! Congrats on the Scary Mommy piece and the commenter controversy! 🙂
Thanks Lisa!
I am completely and literally ROTFL! First, I read the other post (and the comments) so I was already halfway to the ground with a bellyaching LOL. Thanks so much for the laugh. And, I love the follow-up. Kids are too funny and parents have a sense of humor to survive it all! Loved both articles. 😀
Thanks carin!!
Oh, people. How I love them.
Seriously though, I can’t believe people took a post like that and made it controversial. How foolish. It always amazes me how people think that all kids should act the same, feel the same, learn the same, and progress the same, and that if your kids aren’t a perfect picture copy of their kids then OBVIOUSLY you’re doing something wrong. >.>
Believe me, I’ve gotten a lot of pretty rotten looks from people who find out that my daughter goes to bed with a TV show on. To them I give a rude gesture and point out that my daughter sleeps 11 hours straight almost every night and is smart as a whip. So yeah, clearly watching TV in bed is the sign of the worst mother ever, right? 😛
That all said, I love your theoretical conversations…lol…I can totally imagine those words coming out of my daughter’s mouth when she was two. Scary stuff. lol
Ha. yes, people are crazy. That’s all there is to it! 🙂
Oh, I LOVE this! See, something good can come from rude, condescending commenters! 😉 Way to take those lemons and make lemonade… or at least another fantastic, funny, relatable post. I’m right there with you… Toddler conversations are completely confounding. 🙂
Well, I stopped reading the comments after a while, but it was actually humorous. I think blogging is FINALLY giving me a thicker skin!
It’s hard to get inside the minds of toddlers, even if they can talk, so there’s no difference anyway! But perfect response to some rude people 🙂
Hilarious! Seems to me there’s a youtube video of a guy who re acts actual conversations with his two year old with an adult male. It seems a lot more ridiculous hearing it in a grown up voice. Clearly your commenters (or trolls) have never had or been a two year old. Nothing rational about them.
Hilarious! I saw that post over on Scary Mommy and was just did a slow headshake about the crazy and condescending that littered the comments thread. I found your blog through another avenue altogether but loved this post in response!
Well either way, glad you found me!