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By Meredith Ethington

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Be Brave Guest Post Series Childhood Family Guest Bloggers Guest Post Learning Parenting

Bravery. It Isn’t Always About Saying Yes.

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I love this post by Megan from Meaningful Mommy. I can relate SO much to trying to be a people pleaser and worrying so much about other’s opinions of me. I’ve grown a lot as a mom and now that I have three kids, I worry about that a lot less. But, I’m still not perfect. I love how she learned this meaningful lesson from her daughter. Make sure you stop by her blog and check it out. It’s thought provoking, beautifully written, and she write about everything from being a mom, to travel, to gardening. And, I can tell that she really does try to find meaning in the big and little things. Don’t miss out! If you want to be part of my Be Brave Guest Post Series, go here.

*********

A few months ago I wrote ‘A Letter to My Daughter’ about an experience at swimming lessons where my daughter showed extreme bravery. I watched her from the side of the pool and she brought me to tears. That day I really saw her and her struggle to choose what felt right inside. I thought about the courage it took for her to admit her fear and make the choice she did. Her courage to tell her swim instructor and her mommy that she was afraid because what she was asked to do didn’t feel safe. I am still thinking about that day. I don’t want her to do anything that makes her feel afraid. Challenged, yes. Maybe a teensy bit nervous, sure. But afraid? No. That feeling inside when you just know something doesn’t feel right to you…I want her to keep connected to her intuition. That day at the pool the floor to ceiling water slide and my daughter taught me something huge about bravery.
Here is an excerpt from my letter

“You listened to your heart. You understand there are times to be brave and there are times to know your limits. That sometimes it takes even more bravery to not do something and to stand up for yourself………You didn’t lament the fact that you weren’t doing what the other kids were doing. You didn’t do something in fear because you were worried about my reaction or because you thought it was expected of you. It is this courageous act of bravery that makes me the most proud of you…..”

The Lesson My Daughter Taught Me About Bravery Through One Decision She Made at The Pool

My daughter listens to her heart. She showed me recently that this is what bravery can look like. I wish I was as confident in myself. I wish I had understood before that moment that bravery comes in many forms. Since becoming a mother I am often afraid. Afraid for my children’s safety as they challenge themselves to ride a bike or climb the tallest monkey bars. Afraid that I may be screwing up my role as mommy with every mistake. Afraid of what other moms may think of me if I don’t join the new ‘you’d do this if you want your kids to succeed’ trend. It’s time I took note of what I could should be learning from my daughter.

My daughter, so wise for her five years. She seems to know her limits. When to push herself and when to just say no. When to stand her ground no matter what. For herself. When I think about it almost all children are good at this. They challenge themselves (and us) trying new things daily. Sometimes we understand why they are doing this, them pushing limits and standing their ground, and other times we don’t. I think they do it because they haven’t lost their sense of self. They haven’t tried to mold in to any pre-conceived notions of how they ‘should be’. They are trying to safely build their personal character.

I have not been very good at that. I seem to say ‘yes’ often out of fear of some outside opinion. I should be saying ‘no’ out of respect to my heart. Bravery can be saying no just as often as it can be saying yes. I think that for some of us (including me) it may take more bravery to walk away when something isn’t working. To not do what ‘others’ are doing because it isn’t what’s right for ourselves or our family. Sometimes it’s more brave to stand outside of the pack. To go back and find that sense of self from childhood we may have pushed so far down it’s hard to hear any more.

I know as my daughter gets older, the more times she is brave by listening to her heart, by saying no, her confidence will grow. I know her confidence will also grow when she does challenge herself by saying yes, but there will be a balance. A balance of external and internal bravery that will make her a strong well-rounded woman. I know that by my respecting her decisions of when to push herself and when to back away will strengthen her self-esteem. I hope that every time I validate her feelings when she says she is not ready that I help her stay connected to her inner bravery. I hope it will be easier for her to continue to say no, when it will really matter, throughout her life. This of-course applies to situations that make her feel afraid or just icky inside (not when she doesn’t want to try a new vegetable). 😉

From now on I will try to be brave like my daughter. Externally and internally brave. Standing up for what feels right for myself and my children. Not worrying about what other mom’s (or anyone) may think of me. I know what may work for a family might not work for us and that it is perfectly okay to say so. We all have our own paths to travel, our personal journey ahead. I will be brave, blazing my own trail through life with my head held high. No longer afraid…

*Well, until the next time I see my daughter hanging upside down from the highest monkey bars, or when she learns to drive, or when she sets out on her own, and many, many times in-between…but hopefully both my girls will be brave and strong and only challenge themselves in ways that make them feel confident and safe. And I will be right there to support them.

When have you possibly been even more brave by listening to your heart and saying no?

***********

DSC_3863 (2)“A Meaningful Life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It Is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It Is only then that we could have a full, happy and contented life.” ~Unknown

I am a wearer of many hats…a mommy, wife, daughter, sister, friend, ex-teacher, stay-at-home mommy, wanna-be perfectionist but constant mistake maker trying to find a balance between being a mommy, being me and leading a meaningful life.


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Comments

  1. Ana Lynn says

    July 12, 2014 at 6:38 am

    Glad to see you here Megan! I loved your post because sometimes I am just like you, saying yes too many times out of fear when I should be saying no out of respect for my heart. That sentence resonated so much with me! I am trying very hard to follow my heart more and to trust my gut. Your daughter can serve as a great example to all of us!

    Reply
    • Megan Lisica says

      July 13, 2014 at 1:18 am

      Thanks 🙂 It’s hard. I think we lose that intuitive feeling from being told we have/need to do some things when we just aren’t ready.

      Reply
  2. Jennifer Groeber says

    July 12, 2014 at 8:20 am

    Such a good reminder to hear our children’s voices when they say enough is enough. I’m afraid I’m always so busy pushing the whole thing forward- bike riding, swimming, adventuring- that sometimes I might just forget to listen. Thank you for this sage lesson from your little girl.

    Reply
    • Megan Lisica says

      July 13, 2014 at 1:25 am

      Thanks! Me too, that’s why when I saw my daughters eyes and how hard it was to say she just couldn’t that I realized that I often push her when she just isn’t there yet. I need to slow down and remember that all kids develop at different rates and what one may be ready for it’s entirely true that mine may not be yet 🙂

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Bravery isn’t always about saying yes! Part 2 | Meaningful Mommy says:
    July 14, 2014 at 4:58 am

    […] part of her Bravery Series. You can read my post Bravery. It isn’t always about saying yes, here […]

    Reply
  2. “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” | Spiritual Lives Of Women says:
    August 4, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    […] Bravery. It Isn’t Always About Saying Yes. […]

    Reply
  3. Wisdom Wednesday: Bravery says:
    November 29, 2017 at 11:24 am

    […] Bravery. It Isn’t Always About Saying Yes. […]

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington
Definitely true for me. ❤️ Definitely true for me. ❤️
"I don’t believe a growth mindset is bad all the "I don’t believe a growth mindset is bad all the time, or even most of the time for that matter. I think you can have a growth mindset and not gaslight yourself into always looking on the bright side and saying everything terrible that happens in life is an opportunity for growth.

There has to be a middle ground."

Read my latest. Link in profile.
I agree. 😂 @chasemit I agree. 😂 @chasemit
"I wonder sometimes if I'm two different mothers t "I wonder sometimes if I'm two different mothers to them like I am to myself. 
If I'm being honest - sometimes I feel like I'm 15 different mothers.

I'm patient, loving, and kind. I'm creative and dull.

I'm happy and dancing in the kitchen one minute, and begging for a nap and to be left alone the next minute. 

Sometimes, I wonder if they'll remember the tears I had for no reason at all. Sitting on the couch feeling empty and sad. They come and give me hugs unsolicited as I cry. I am depressed and overwhelmed. I wonder if they will remember that version of me?"

I hope you'll read my latest. ❤️
Here's what I know - I want my kids to learn this Here's what I know - I want my kids to learn this lesson too. 
Life is hard and we often make so many big decisions based on EMOTIONS. Instead we need to get curious about the why behind that emotion. Are we scared, sad, anxious, angry? Whatever it is - feeling and emotions are not "bad" or "good." In fact we control very little about them! 
So if we can learn to SLOW down when we feel them and get curious that's the first step to figuring out the why behind them. Then we move forward and act  AFTER we've felt. 
It's a lesson I'm still learning and hope my kids will learn a lot faster then me. 

If you like convos like these join me over on substack. 🙏

#emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthawareness #momlife #feelings #parentinglikewhoa
😂😂😂 It's me. 😂😂😂 It's me.
Read my latest on Substack. 🥰 #peoplepleaserpro Read my latest on Substack. 🥰 #peoplepleaserproblems #wallflowers #mentalhealth #growth #mindsetmatters
Yessss. So important. @banhass Yessss. So important. @banhass
Let's talk friendship 👇👇👇 "In 2018, Busin Let's talk friendship 👇👇👇
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And before you can consider someone even a casual friend? At least a 50 hour investment. YIKES.

Is it any wonder that making mom friends is so hard? Moms are busy. We’re exhausted. We’re overwhelmed. We have chores and jobs and responsibilities. Investing 200 hours into someone is, well, a lot.

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But, it sounds like the return on our investment could come through in a big way (hello living longer and having a bitch buddy!) Those rewards are big if we can make the time and put in the effort.

Because close relationships have bigger rewards than casual ones."

Learn all about why making friends is important, why we all want them, and how it can actually lower our cortisol. Check out my latest on S U B S T A C K. :)
Here are three things everyone needs to know about Here are three things everyone needs to know about kindness that are important to your mental health. 

1. Kindness does not mean you don't have boundaries. So often we do things for the sake of being kind even when we don't want to. Kindness does not equal saying yes all the time. Learning to say no is like a muscle you need to exercise to get better at it. Saying no doesn't automatically mean you are unkind. 

2. Kindness doesn't look like self betrayal. Ever. If you do something that you don't want to do because you're afraid of exercising that saying no muscle - you'll end up struggling with your own mental health. Listen to your gut and trust when kindness feels meaningful to you and when it feels like an obligation. 

3. Kindness to yourself is just as important as any external kindness you are showing to the world. In fact - I would argue that it's the most important way to have balance and good mental health. 

"Be kind" is a mantra these days and it's a good one. But know what kindness is. It's when you're moved to do something for someone else but that doesn't mean you abandon yourself in the process. 

If anything - true kindness to others should help you feel more connected to yourself ❤️ 

#kindness #bekindtoyourself #mentalhealth #selfcare
Yup. 😂 Yup. 😂
I wrote the book! It’s on sale right now too. 😎
If you feel over-freaking-whelmed by parenting, your mental health is suffering and you find social media so NOT relatable because your parenting journey feels and looks WAAY messier - you need this book in your life. 😍 #themotherload #mentalhealthadvocate #thementalload #momlifebelike #anxietyanddepression #maternalmentalhealth
Ooof. This hit hard. Ooof. This hit hard.
"We are parenting in an age full of information th "We are parenting in an age full of information thrown at us on how to be the best parent.
We’re constantly told to do more with our kids. Educate faster and earlier. Get them in sports by three or they won’t make the team when they get to high school.

How could we possibly accomplish all that and NOT helicopter? Do preschoolers know how to research the best preschools and sign up for T-ball on their own all while making a free range chicken dinner (that you don’t heat up in a plastic container, btw)?

And, what about the worries we have of keeping them safe from school shootings, pornography, social media, and too much screen time?

I’m told not to take my child his homework when he forgets it, but I’m also told to make sure he has enough AP classes and good grades to get into a good college. 

I’m told not to let them roam freely outside because the world is a scary place and for sure someone could kidnap them, but I’m also told that kids today need more fresh air.

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The demands on mothers today are confusing to say the least. We get mixed messages constantly.

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I don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but I also don’t know how NOT to be and get everything done that parents today are expected to do." 

Read my latest on substack (link always in my profile)
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Being proud of calm days because you know you’re calming your kids’ nervous systems by being calm yourself. 
Hang in there mamas. We’re doing it. 
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Yesssss. Yesssss.
I’m allll about this power move at this stage of I’m allll about this power move at this stage of my life. People are having their own experience independent of me and are going to have their own assumptions, feelings, and actions about me. That’s just life. My advice? Just keep doing your thing and the people that know the real you and get to be in your safe space are the lucky ones. 
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"My pattern of self-betrayal has most often looked "My pattern of self-betrayal has most often looked like ignoring my intuition or quieting my own voice.
For you, it might look like “being nice” even when you’re being walked all over. Even when you’re mad at yourself afterward. For someone else, it might look like conforming. This happens in situations like the time one of my kids participated in something she told me ahead of time she didn’t want to do and then she fell apart afterward.

What self-betrayal looks like can be different for everyone.

Sometimes it’s a conscious thing we do and other times it might be a subtle habit we do to keep others around us happier than we are ourselves because of a trauma response.

It could look like being the people pleaser, or the peacemaker because that’s the role we had to play in a volatile household growing up.

The cost of self-betrayal is high though.
The cost of self-betrayal is that we no longer belong to ourselves. And if we first don’t belong to ourselves, we certainly can’t truly belong anywhere else."

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What self-betrayal means. I hope you'll read it. New post in my substack.
Snow was falling this morning on my walk and it ca Snow was falling this morning on my walk and it calmed my heart. B R E A T H E mamas.
This is something I’ve been working on this past This is something I’ve been working on this past year. It’s amazing to me how little I truly belonged to myself for so long. 
These things are not selfish. 
They are how you return home to yourself.
Swipe right to see what I’ve been working on and how you can start belonging to yourself again. 
Which one resonates? Which one do you struggle with?
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