Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Chandler Childhood Family Humor In the Motherhood Manic Mondays Motherhood Parenting Perfection

Eating Ants is Apparently the New Norm

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I tell people all the time that having my third kid “pushed me over the edge”

Let me explain.

A fun look at how one mom of three knows that she's been pushed over the edge. And she's OK with thatphoto credit: Tom & Katrien via photopin cc (text added)

One kid was its own kind of crazy with no sleep, trying to do it right, and a little dash of postpartum depression mixed in. Oh, and never complaining. No, you don’t complain when you have one child. Because, you know, there are lots of people that have more than one. So complaining is not allowed if you have one. (I say it’s totally allowed though.)

Two kids was its own kind of crazy because you can’t sleep when the baby sleeps. Naps don’t happen anymore, and you realize that you have officially said goodbye to feeling rested. Ever. Again. And, for me, I was dealing with food allergies and intolerances so there was really no sleep for me….ever. I mourned the sleep, but I was forced to get over it. Quickly.

But, three takes the chaos to a whole new level. It’s not about the sleep anymore, or the fact that heaven forbid your toddler might have a tantrum in public while someone is watching. No, three is more like a tornado of chaos that is tossing you about, and you’re just looking for a pole that you can grab onto. And, you know, the winds are 100+ mph. I have a feeling that pole never flies by when you need it.

And, my #3 specifically? Well, he’s  a character. He makes me feel immense amounts of love and rage all within a matter of minutes. He’s simultaneously adorable and infuriating. He’s perfect, and oh. so. naughty.

I sent out a text the other day to some of my family that I knew would not judge and it said,

“Chandler opened the car door while we were driving down the freeway, ate and swallowed 2 pieces of gum and an ANT today. He’s the one that will drive me to the looney bin.”

But, he’s so dang cute. So, I forgive him, day in and day out. Because, really, it’s not his fault he has a thing for eclectic foods. He’s just exploring the world. Trying to figure out which insects to eat and which ones to torture. You know, the normal stuff.

And, really, if we’re being totally honest, it really isn’t #3’s fault. It’s just the mere fact that I now have three kids at all that my life. feels. CRAAAAZY.

I haven’t just been pushed to the edge, I’m over it. And, here’s how I know.

1. My kid opens the door while we’re driving down the freeway. I say, “what the…” and quickly shut it and don’t burst into tears. We all survived, and it really could have been worse, I tell myself.

2. My kid ate an ant. The funny thing is, it was sitting right next to an ant trap. Which means it also could have been laced with poison. My 7 year old, bless her little heart, stuck her finger in his mouth to try and keep the ant from being swallowed. The 2 year old did what naturally should be done when someone is putting their finger in your mouth. He bit. Hard. She cried, and asked through tears, “DO YOU THINK CHANDLER IS GOING TO DIE!!??” We had both noticed the poisonous trap that the alleged ant may or may not have come out of before making his way into my toddler’s tummy. I responded in such a calm way that it almost frightened me. “No. He won’t die”.

3. Food gets eaten off the floor regularly. I do. not. care. Nope. Not even if it’s 3 days old. OK, maybe a little then.

4. I went to the park and realized I was no longer the helicopter mom and instead got a kick out of watching the helicopter mom play with her one child. My two year old was climbing up something dangerous, and I sat back and waited. He did it, and that other mom couldn’t help but hover right by my child. I’m sure she was convinced he would die up there on that precarious ladder. I smiled because that part of my parenting style (obsessive hovering) is slowly dying. When you have three…nobody has time for that. Or energy for that matter. The park is my break. Let’s wear them out until they are crying, then we’ll go home and put them to sleep. (I mean a nap, of course)

5. I stuck my finger in poop the other day while changing a diaper in the trunk of my car and did not even flinch. Sure, it was gross and I cleaned it up, but my 5 year old said, “Have you ever touched poop before???” as he watched in horror as I tried to clean it off with a wipe. I laughed a crazy laugh. The kind of laugh that leaves my 5 year old still wondering and a teensy bit afraid, too.

It’s funny because now that I’ve realized I’ve not only reached the edge, but jumped off of it, I have started to let go a little more. Enjoy things. Soak it up, and embrace it. You can only make yourself crazy avoiding the inevitable so long. Poop, crazy-town, and eating ants are apparently the new norm. And, that’s OK.

***************

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 Perfection Pending


23 Comments

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Comments

  1. Nicola Young says

    June 9, 2014 at 5:24 am

    Such a funny post. I often used to say that when we went anywhere it must have been such a shock for the people we visited, like a tornado had hit there house, leaving devastation in its wake.

    I get the whole not flinching or being surprised by anything by the time you have three. What’s interesting is that we are coming out of this stage now. Youngest is five, so we have no nappies, pushchairs, nap times etc. and things are so different. My next stage coming up is the Tweens. Wonder how unflinching I will be about that by the time the third child hits that stage?!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 9, 2014 at 8:13 am

      So true! I totally agree. I know that now I’m not flinching, but it is just a matter of time before things start shocking me again! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Ana Lynn says

    June 9, 2014 at 6:25 am

    I get you. I have three as well (okay so technically one is not living with us but with his mom) and when all three of them are together? It’s hurricane meets tornado meets tsunami all rolled into one! I’ve let go of worrying about the small stuff I just don’t have the energy for it. And ant is not the worst that your child can eat trust me!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 9, 2014 at 8:13 am

      Oh totally. It was just the whole possibly laced with poison thing that was worrying us just a tad. 😉

      Reply
  3. Laura A. Lord says

    June 9, 2014 at 8:24 am

    I’m pregnant with my third child now, and so I thank you for putting the fear of god into me this early in the morning 😀

    I look forward to the crazy.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 9, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Ha! Well, good luck. I have some followers that have way more than 3, and they are surviving, so I’m sure I’m just being overly dramatic….or am I? 😉

      Reply
  4. Susan Maccarelli says

    June 9, 2014 at 11:51 am

    I really don’t know how people do it with three. Even with a partner, you are outnumbered! Good for you! #3 will have a leg up if he ever wants to be a Survivor contestant eating bugs and such. Once you have more than 1, you definitely say to yourself ‘let’s see what happens’ more with small dangers vs. hovering around every little step they take.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 9, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Ha! Yes, survivor would apparently be no problem. THat’s what kills me. He will eat a live bug off the ground, but takes one look at the food I cook, and refuses to even TRY it. Weird.

      Reply
  5. Kate (Shakespeare's Mom) says

    June 9, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    You nailed it. I love the ant story, since your little guy is fine 🙂
    It’s crazy-chaotic with three kids, but you’re right about being able to sit back and let go a little, too.

    Reply
  6. Megan Lisica says

    June 9, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Too funny! My second pushed me over that edge…I can’t imagine a third 😉

    Reply
  7. Jessie says

    June 9, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    Yup.

    🙂

    And here is something to make you feel better about the ant… http://behindthewillows.com/2010/10/21/the-second-child/
    And that was when I still only had two…

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 10, 2014 at 8:08 am

      I’m speechless. Yes, shrew legs would have been WAAAY worse. 😉

      Reply
  8. Louise says

    June 9, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    I love this post. I don’t have three (I have two), but much of the “letting go” in this post still rings true. I’ve also thought about a third off and on (mostly no, but I waver), so I always like reading about life from the trenches of parents outnumbered. I am in awe.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 10, 2014 at 8:06 am

      Ha. Don’t be in awe. We’re just surviving most days over here.

      Reply
  9. Katelyn F says

    June 10, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    You know…. as a mom of TWINS and a baby, three kids has been SO easy. I mean what do people with one child even complain about? Ha ha ha.

    I totally am a laid back mom but always have been, although I am MUCH more lax with my baby than with my twins. I let my 14 month old eat grapes, raisins, peanut butter, and eggs… you know all those highly chokable, allergic foods? And the park thing? Oh yeah. He understands heights somewhat, so I just sit back and let him go. No sweat.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 10, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      Yes, easy for sure. 😉

      Reply
  10. Eli@coachdaddy says

    June 11, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    1. Three means you’re outnumbered, but it also means as a parent you can act like a cornered wild animal and no one will be brave enough to cross you. Two kids? That’s a vacation. You know that now. You didn’t know that then.

    2. The third does things in combination, like the ants and the car door. Mine did jump-roping in the house with toilet paper in her mouth. This is just one thing. Many others will never be documented.

    3. In some cultures, ants are a delicacy. Your third is kind of high-society.

    Reply
  11. Kerry says

    June 12, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    This is great! I’ve done a 180 in how much I’ve eased up/grown as a mother since my first that it makes me laugh at how I used to be. If I had a third, no doubt I’d be the laid back by virtue of my new level of crazy 😉
    I also chuckle a little inside at the helicopter parent at the park who used to be me.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      June 12, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      I know. I was SO that mom too. 🙂

      Reply
  12. Eva says

    February 9, 2015 at 7:41 am

    As a recovering perfectionist I really appreciated this post. Thanks for sharing!

    I tried to link up my post but couldn’t find the button to do so. 🙁 Am I just missing it?

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      February 9, 2015 at 8:05 am

      Hi Eva! So glad you liked it. This is an old post, so the link up is closed. I’m not doing it right now for a while

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. The Truth about Bedtime | Sentiments of a Working Mom says:
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    […] Read more Manic Monday posts from other bloggers here. […]

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  2. The Me Do It Stage. Is it Ironic or Is It Just Me? says:
    July 14, 2014 at 5:02 am

    […] Eating ants. […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
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Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
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Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
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