Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

  • My Books
    • The Mother Load
    • Mom Life: Perfection Pending – The Book
    • Free eBook: Sometimes Motherhood Sucks
    • How To Grow Your FB Following
  • Motherhood
    • Inspiration
    • Encouragement
    • Childhood
    • Humor
    • Parenting Memes
    • Friendship
    • Marriage
  • Kid Ideas
    • Recipes
    • Practical Tips
    • Babies & Toddlers
    • teens and tweens
    • The Elementary School Years
  • Mental Health
    • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
  • About
    • Favorite Posts
    • My Portfolio
    • Privacy & Disclosures

Encouragement Gratitude Inspiration

I Was Counting Down The Seconds Until This Season Of Parenting. But, It’s Lonely.

131 shares
  • Share
  • Tweet
Motherhood is an experience that is always evolving. Sometimes as our kids grow older, our overwhelm with the demands of motherhood are replaced by loneliness as our kids grow up. It's the part of #momlife that I didn't expect. #motherhood #perfectionpending #loneliness #emptynest

My kids are all in school, and it should be a celebratory season in my life as a mother. I’ve finally got some freedom. I’m raising humans to leave me, right? I should be rejoicing in this season of parenting.

Some days, let’s be honest – I do rejoice.

For example, we went camping recently, and we had plenty of together time. I had so much together time that I needed non-together time so badly afterward. I needed a serious break from raising humans.

I got the kids off to school, eager to tackle work projects and hear silence. I was eager to not hear about someone annoying someone in the back seat, or how someone may or may not have tripped someone on purpose. I was eager to not hear the cries of whiny kids that were overly tired from too much fun.

And, my day was great. They were gone all day and I stayed in my pajamas until noon working. I had a quiet house. And, then the inevitable text came in. The one asking if my oldest could go hang at her friends’ house. I said no for no good reason except that I wanted her home.

I mean, in my head I had lots of logical reasons to say no. She needed to work on a school thing, she had laundry that’s been sitting unfolded in her room for 5 days. There were plenty of things I could give her to do. But, the truth was – I missed her.

They’re all growing up and some days, that reality swallows me whole.

They came home and got their snacks. And, then the house was eerily quiet again. They dispersed. One found his Rubik’s cube and started playing on it, the oldest went into her room to check what texts she had missed out on during the day from friends, and the littlest ran off to watch TV.

They were all home, but it was quiet.

I made a few assignments for after school things like hanging up backpacks and putting away shoes left out, and then they scattered again.

I felt a knot in my stomach as my oldest went to her room to fold her laundry and shut the door behind her.

I wanted to cry as I finished wiping up the counters and cleaning up dishes from snacks.

Why was I being an emotional wreck all of a sudden? I felt punched in the gut by the sound of a door closing.

The loneliness, the growing up, the not needing me as much anymore is the part of motherhood that I didn’t expect to be so hard. I was counting down the seconds until this season of life.

I have written about it before, and will probably write about it again. The growing up part is heartbreakingly beautiful, but it’s also lonely. There are lots of things I didn’t expect to feel.

When kids are little we can’t wait for the growing up part. We want the little chubby arms to finally be able to hug us tightly around the neck.

We can’t wait for the first smiles, first steps, and first words.

We excitedly celebrate the first hour and a half of alone time we might get when they are dropped off at preschool, or when we feel human by putting on real clothes for a girls’ night out.

We enjoy adult conversations eventually and can look at our phones when we are at the playground.

We freak out with excitement the first time they grab a bowl of cereal and turn on the TV on a Saturday morning and realize we might actually sleep again.

All of these little milestones (that are really huge when you add them up) eventually morph into something we don’t expect – loneliness.

I’m not really alone. I have my spouse. I have friends. I have plenty of girls’ nights and if I’m lucky I even have the occasional weekend away.

But, what I didn’t expect was to crave the company of my littles that aren’t so little anymore.

I crave the hugs, kisses, and cuddles now in a way that left me feeling touched out before. I want to just hang out with my people (my not so littles) more now that they want to close the door to the bedroom or put in some earbuds.

Yes – I still get annoyed by the raising humans aspect of my job. They infuriate me some days as much as I love them, but I didn’t expect how in a single moment – I could feel this way.

I didn’t expect to feel lonely while still being surrounded.

And, that’s why motherhood is heartbreaking work. I assume it always will be this way from now on. Because the reality is this – eventually the ones we love most are going to leave us.

And when they do, we’ll rejoice, while simultaneously breaking on the inside. Because that’s what mothers do.

Motherhood is an experience that is always evolving. Sometimes as our kids grow older, our overwhelm with the demands of motherhood are replaced by loneliness as our kids grow up. It's the part of #momlife that I didn't expect. #motherhood #perfectionpending #loneliness #emptynest


8 Comments

« Girl, Don’t Shower For Days. We Get You.
25 Times As a Parent When It’s OKAY Not To Enjoy Every Second »

Comments

  1. Jenny says

    January 10, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    This is beautifully written. You captured what I imagine are so many of us in the same boat. I go thru so many emotions in one – 24 hour period. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 10, 2019 at 10:14 pm

      Aww! Thank you for leaving a comment. So rare these days on blogs. ha!

      Reply
  2. Raquel says

    January 11, 2019 at 12:44 am

    Yes to this! I feel exactly the same way. We’ll get by,that’s for sure. And we know, deep down, that they love us, but it’s lonely alright. Hugs from a fellow mother of two, boy and girl (14 and 12).

    Reply
  3. Jen says

    January 11, 2019 at 9:16 pm

    Thank you for writing this. I feel silly for being sad about my little guy growing up. I’m in the process of signing him up for preschool next year and I know I will enjoy some time to myself but I will also miss spending every day with him because we have so much fun together. I’m not saying I don’t ever need a break because I definitely do but I will miss him and I feel kind of selfish saying that. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle him going off to college! Even though we spend our entire lives getting them ready to be off on their own I’m going to have to keep from crumbling when it happens!

    Reply
  4. Alyse says

    February 21, 2019 at 9:02 am

    Ahhh you brought me to tears with this post. I’m in the relentless, touched out stage (3 year old and an 8 month old) and your words are helping me appreciate it more. <3

    Reply
  5. Cathy C. says

    June 25, 2020 at 3:20 pm

    Take it from someone who’s been it – it WILL get better. It doesn’t have to be loneliness forever. My daughters turn 26 and 29 this summer, and they are now two of my best friends. The trick was not holding tightly with both hands to what I had in the past . . . I needed a free arm to embrace the future.

    Reply
  6. Pam says

    November 5, 2021 at 7:42 pm

    My littles have been gone for many years now (39 and 34). One lives with spouse about 2 hours away and the other with spouse and 15 month old about 1200 miles away.
    I am proud of their independence and all that they have accomplished in their lives. But for this mom (and dad too) it is lonely. Especially with these last 2 years of Covid and all that craziness, the challenges of spending time with my family are depressing.
    Enjoy every moment with your kids even when it’s whiny, fussy, fighting kids. Just remind yourself to step back, take a deep breath and create a memory for the future days of loneliness.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 25 Times As a Parent When It's OKAY Not To Enjoy Every Second - Perfection Pending says:
    January 11, 2019 at 3:18 pm

    […] I Was Counting Down The Seconds Until This Season Of Parenting. But, It’s Lonely. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy
Load More Follow on Instagram

You might also like

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

Am I real? Mom holding newborn baby

Am I Real? The Question That Started “Mommy Blogging”

Mom holding crying baby I yelled at my baby and feel horrible

I Yelled At My Baby And Feel Horrible. What should I Do Now?

baby smiling and crawling on floor with white background

Are Babies Born With Kneecaps? And Other Weird Baby Facts

Girl with long hair and glasses pointing with a shocked look on her face

9 Powerful Phrases To Say To A Narcissist

Copyright © 2023 · Perfection Pending · Designed by Krizzy Designs

Copyright © 2023 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

131 shares