Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Family Humor Manic Mondays Motherhood Parenting Practical Tips

Mom University: Tween Edition

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I was on vacation last week, and have had a whirlwind of activity, and family visiting. So, Manic Mondays just wasn’t going to happen. But, I hope you’re not sick of Mom U yet. Because, as promised, I present you with Mom U: Tween Edition.

I don’t have a tween…yet, but my sister does, and she is realizing that she is entering a whole new territory of parenting. I pretty much think my sister Lindsey is the most awesome person on the planet, so I was excited to force her to use her amazing writing skills, and whip these up for me with a tiny bit of help from me. Since her kids are older, I’m the lucky one and get to learn from her amazing mom skills as she raises my precious niece and nephew. But, this one today, is in honor of HER tween (whom I love VERY much) and will hopefully help some other tween moms out there too!
Mom University Tween Edition- Helping Moms Hang On to Their Sanity One Class at a Time!!

Fake it ’til you make it This course is essential in helping parents of tweens cling to whatever interest your tween may still have left in YOU. Remember how you cried three days ago about the fact that your tween no longer needs you quite enough for your liking? This course will help you multi-task in those rare moments your tween does want to engage. Take for example, when you’re trying to complete a really important project and he now wants to recount every detail of the show he just watched (including face expressions, body movements and exact inflections of each character’s voice…did I mention this was a Pokemon show?). With this class you will be able to master sounding interested in what he is interested in, so he will at least still talk to you (and get your project done at the same time!)

Face Freeze 101 This class will teach you the ever useful, completely expressionless ‘face freeze’! This comes in handy when your child is repeating information that “Mike” from his Math class so kindly shared with him about how babies are “really made.” Once you have mastered the face freeze and showing absolutely no expression in shocking conversations, we will move on to a more complicated task: looking completely calm and introspective during these vomit-inducing talks. You will be able to appear as though you are reflecting on something while you are actually experiencing internal panic.

Open Communication This class can only be taken by those who have mastered Face Freeze 101. This class will teach you to create an open line of communication between you and your tween, enabling you to discuss things that you wish didn’t even exist. Like, how babies are made, online predators, bullying, and whatever other horrific thing pops up on the internet. This class will help you use a method of talking to your tween that will work instead of using the old tried and true method of our parents which was “they’ll find out from their friends….eventually”.

Anti-Helicoptering This class will be highly challenging for the average parent today. Today’s popular helicopter parents may even fail this course the first time they take it. But, hey! Maybe that will teach YOU the importance of failing. This course is designed to teach you exactly how much to let go when your child is struggling with learning responsibility. You will learn valuable lessons like “How to let your child fail a test” and “How to NOT do your child’s homework for them” (even when you know they will fail).

Scare ‘Em Straight This class will teach you catchy phrases to throw at your tween to keep them wanting to stay young forever and respect you. Things like: “…and then you will forever have to tell people you are a sex offender” or “….imagine a really painful poo times 1,000. That amount of pain is equal to the amount of respect I deserve for eternity for giving birth to you.” will be phrases you learn how to say with seriousness and meaning. After this class, your child will be in no hurry to become an adult, and may be slightly scared of how much you know, too. *(the above statements are completely hypothetical and definitely have never escaped my sweet lips)

Enjoy It While It Lasts This class will help you count your blessings during the tween years. You will tell yourself things like, “At least they aren’t dating yet”, “At least they aren’t an actual teen yet”, “At least they will sometimes give me hugs still.”, “At least they aren’t driving yet”. This class will help you realize that it all could be so SO much worse. They could be an actual, sullen, real-life, full-of-angst, know it all TEEN. You will leave this class with a fresh perspective on the tween years, and realize that there is still some of that sweet innocence left in there somewhere. You just have to look for a it a little harder now.

What classes would YOU add to our Mom University Tween Edition?

 ***********

This is a parenting blog hop. What are you thinking about this week? Link them up so we can visit each other and hear about what’s going on in YOUR parenting world.

Going to join us? Here are the “rules” (Feel free to follow them loosely):

1. Add your link below

2. Grab MY button found below and add it to your post or sidebar, and then come back and link up with us here. It’s that easy! I’ll try to promote your post on social media by pinning, tweeting, and sharing.

3. Visit the other awesome bloggers that are also linking up and leave comments on their posts!

 Perfection Pending


21 Comments

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Comments

  1. Sarah @Thank You Honey says

    July 7, 2014 at 8:23 am

    Thanks for hosting! Hope you have a fabulous week!

    Reply
  2. Ana Lynn says

    July 7, 2014 at 8:25 am

    I hope you had a nice vacation Meredith. I added my two cents when it comes to keeping kiddos busy this summer, hope you enjoy it!

    Reply
  3. Susan Maccarelli says

    July 7, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    The Face Freeze – I love it! I use this now with my 2 and 4 year olds, but I can see how I might need the class to take it to the next level as they get older since they will be even more in tune to the slightest movement. Sign me up!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 10:11 am

      Yes. Face freeze can come in handy in a variety of circumstances. I’m not very good at it, so I need to work on it until the tween years get here.

      Reply
  4. Tamara Gerber says

    July 7, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Sounds like good advice. I’m still glad I am not concerned just yet. Is there a class for moms of first graders? I would need to go to summer school and soak it all up, so come August, I’ll be ready 😉

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 10:11 am

      Well, this is my third installment, so maybe in the other two posts you might find something useful. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Chris Carter says

    July 7, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!! I have a daughter going into sixth grade this year… so yeah. I need to take ALL of these classes!! And I see ‘high school teen prep courses’ in my near future too!!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 10:10 am

      Yes. I’m not qualified to even touch the high school classes. At least not yet! 🙂

      Reply
  6. Louise says

    July 7, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    I hope you had a wonderful trip! Reading these just make me …. more committed to focussing on the fun and challenges of now.

    I’ll worry about freeze face when I get there 🙂 Right now I’m trying to fake interest in Winks. It’s some show about Fairies. Who I think might also be superheros. I really need to just sit through an episode.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 10:10 am

      Ugh. The dreaded kid shows are awful. We’re having a sick day over here, and I am afraid I will be forced to watch some or do housework. I don’t know which one is worse.

      Reply
  7. Nicola Young says

    July 8, 2014 at 7:19 am

    Sign me up! I had an argument with my tween only yesterday because I’m sick of her moaning on about how bad her life is. All I hear is ‘every one else has this’, ‘no one else has to do that’. I told her how sorry I felt for her – using my best sarcastic face and tone of voice. Perhaps there could be a course on making them see how lucky they are and appreciating what they’ve got!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 10:08 am

      That’s SO true. My kids need that too. I guess we all do from time to time.

      Reply
  8. Jaime says

    July 8, 2014 at 8:19 am

    Hahaha I am getting pretty good at all those. I would possibly add another: Pretend You Know What You’re Doing. Because I honestly have no freaking clue what to do sometimes with my 15 and 13-year-olds. They are good girls. I keep telling myself that. They are just teenagers. Now our oldest boy is going on 12 and acting all weird on us. Just last night I explained what erectile dysfunction was to him. Thanks for the laughs, it really helps me get through these crazy parenting years!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 10:08 am

      You’re welcome! My sister deserves most of the credit. She has a 12 year old boy too, so I’m sure you two could compare notes! 🙂

      Reply
  9. Kim says

    July 8, 2014 at 10:23 am

    I’m either tired or just took a psychology class,, but I read your sentence:
    “entering a whole new territory of parenting”
    as
    “entering a whole new TERROR-tory of parenting.”

    Yay. Tweens. Wish your sister good luck from me!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      HA! Love it. Terror-tory! That’s hilarious.

      Reply
  10. Eli@coachdaddy says

    July 8, 2014 at 11:44 am

    Face Freeze is different for dads. It’s a look of shock, almost cartoon-like, that shows the kids you’re kind of like a cartoon still, too. This is important for dads. In an age of our declining authority and punch-walloping, we need to cling tight to what we stand for.

    I’d add a course on 50/50 – how to find those indicators as to how your tween wants to be treated at any given moment. As a child, worthy of your hug and praise? Or as an adult, worthy of your respect and space? It can fluctuate back and forth, and even though it’s 50/50, the wrong choice can prove catastrophic.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 7:16 pm

      So true. It’s hard to balance that I’m sure. They are struggling between being grown up and still wanting your approval. Love the cartoon like face freeze idea.

      Reply
  11. Amber says

    July 8, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    I’m enjoying it while it lasts. My son is 12. I am not looking forward to teenage stuff.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      July 8, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      Yeah, my sister’s son is 12 too. Fun age, but frustrating too, I’m sure! 🙂

      Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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