The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. – Peggy O’Mara
Let’s analyze this for a second. Why do seemingly innocent motherhood quotes like this make me anxious? Anyone else feel this way? Motherhood quotes usually get under my skin just a little bit.
That is, unless they’re honest.
I saw this particular motherhood quote on facebook today, and I immediately gasped inwardly.
I thought, “Oh no. My children are ruined forever.”
It’s not because I feel like I am a horrible mom or that I talk to them in some demeaning way, but, it definitely made me feel anxious just reading it.
I guess it is because I am an over-analyzer (especially of myself) by nature, and when something makes me analyze even more, then that is not good for me.
However, the normal mom probably looks at this and thinks, “I’m such a good Mommy then! My kids will always love themselves because I say positive things everyday to my children”.
OK, I know no one says that, but in my head, that’s what other mothers are saying. Except for the really bad ones that are demeaning and horrible to their kids, of course.
The truth is, while motherhood quotes like that make me anxious, I do try to recognize that my children have innocent little spirits that can be influenced by what I say and do. Which is why it causes me anxiety.
I think motherhood quotes should inspire us to do better and be better (and not feel like a failure!)
Recently, I noticed that I was saying to my three year old, “What is wrong with you?” when he would do naughty things.
And, by naught things, I mean write on his brand new bedspread with a permanent marker the first day we put it on his bed kind of stuff. You know, he’s a kid. He acts before he thinks.
But, I noticed that this phrase was coming out of my mouth a lot.
I also noticed that he would make a very sad face when I would say it, which wracked me with mommy guilt.
So, I have since changed the phrase to be slightly more positive and say, “What were you thinking?” Not sure that is much better, but I’m working on it.
This quote about motherhood is just one example that came up in my life today that reminded me of the inner anxiety I feel on a daily basis being responsible for raising three human beings.
Why can’t I just let go and not worry about damaging my children forever? Thoughts like this are what keeps me up at night. Baby steps, I know. Baby steps.
But, here are a few motherhood quotes I love. They make me feel less alone, inspired, and NORMAL.
“Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.” —Meryl Streep
“My children do not need me to save them. My children need to watch me save myself.” – Glennon Doyle
“A mother’s love liberates.” —Maya Angelou
“The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly—indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.” —Arianna Huffington
“You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘This is impossible—oh, this is impossible.’ And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.” – Tiny Fey
“You’re going to get advice from a lot of people, and you can take bits and pieces, but you know innately what your child needs. You should trust that.” – Lucy Liu
“Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.” – Kristen Bell
“One can’t truly know what kind of person one is until one’s child announces she can’t find her soccer jersey at 9pm. Turns out I’m a mean kind of person.” — Glennon Doyle
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” –Bréne Brown
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” –Ann Lamont
“To be a good parent, you need to take care of yourself so that you can habe the physical and emotional energy to take care of your family.” – Michelle Obama
“There will be so many time you feel like you failed. But in the eyes, ears, and mind of your child, you are a supermom.” – Stephanie Precourt
“Being a mother is discovering strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you never knew existed.” — Sherene Simon
“Motherhood is the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary — it’s an act of infinite optimism.” – Gilda Radner
“Motherhood is hard, but your struggle doesn’t have to be yours alone.” – Brene Brown
“Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.” — Carrie Fisher
“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” Anne Lamott
“Strong mothers raise strong daughters.” – Jessica A. Lane.
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle.
“The way we speak to our children might become their inner voice or they might just roll their eyes one day at all the things mom said and become their own unique person because moms shouldn’t put that much pressure on themselves anyway.” – Meredith Ethington
Life is too short to feel like a failure from a few quotes on motherhood.
Instead, re-write them yourself. You know yourself best. You know your children best. Find inspiration in your own heart. And don’t rely on a quote on motherhood to make you feel good about the job that you’re doing as a mother.
I promise, you’re enough.
Just thought I would let you know you are not alone. My most recent one was a facebook post of the 15 (or some number) things you MUST TEACH YOUR SON! and as I read them, number after number, I felt worse and worse. And my son is 17! too late now lol. I felt like printing off the list and saying “ohhhh, I forgot this, read up!”
ha! You totally should!
Is NEVER to late! Introduce the list to him and have a discussion!
Your kids are so insanely cute! LOVE that Halloween pic! The responsibility of raising another human being is hugely daunting. I am constantly second guessing myself, and third guessing, and fourth guessing…. It always feels like if I do anything wrong, she’ll be ruined for life! Geez, the pressure is almost too much to bare! You look like you’re doing a pretty great job though! =)
Hehe, love the picture you chose! I think it’s awesome that you recognized the effect your “what’s wrong with you?” comment was having on him and made it positive. I am guilty of saying the same exact phrase on days when I can’t catch a break so I will also replace it with a positive alternative. I don’t think moms that are actual failures ever feel like failures. Part of being a good mom is worrying that we’re ruining our kids. Lol
so true! I will remind myself of this often. 🙂 I must be the best mom in the world because I worry all the time that I’m ruining my children!
I love this post! I thought I was the only one laying in bed at night feeling like I am ruining my son lol! My phrase is, “What were you thinking?!” I am sure whenever he does anything wrong for the rest of his life THAT is going to be the phrase he hears in his head. 😉
Thanks for the comment. Glad I’m not the only one with that feeling! Thanks for following too. 🙂
Great post! Your kids are adorable and seem very happy! I thought I’d leave a link to something a friend sent me on Facebook that made me feel better about parenting. In this day and age, there is so much pressure – and an overwhelming amount of ‘helpful’ information – about being a good parent.
Here’s the link:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morrison/motherhood_b_2271349.html
My favorite quote from it:
As for the past generations that like to tell you that they raised six kids on their own and did it without a washing machine? Well, sort of. Keep in mind child rearing was viewed pretty differently not that long ago and you could stick a toddler on the front lawn with just the dog watching and nobody would bat an eye at it — I used to walk to the store in my bare feet to buy my father’s cigarettes when I was a kid. As a mother, you cooked, you cleaned, but nobody expected you to do anything much more than keep your kids fed and tidy.
so true. Thanks for sharing and commenting!
As a Parental Life Coach I MUST tell you that you are doing a GREAT Job! The BEST thing we can do as we raise our Children is to continue to self-analyze. Words can’t be taken back, however, admitting to your children that perhaps you said something you should not have said, goes over very well as they grow up. My 22 and 18 year old are proof of that! If I say something that rings the wrong way to them, they will actually ask me, if that is really what I meant to say to them. That tells me that I used my words properly as they were growing up! Don’t worry, the fact that you think about what your say to your three Treasures means you are raising children who will also have self-analyzing skills and that is the BEST gift you can give them! 🙂
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said things to my kids, either in anger or exasperation, that I’ve regretted. You can’t take them back, but what you can do is make sure your children know that they are loved and accepted for who they are. Don’t overthink the small things: kids are resilient and as long as they know you are there for them no matter what, they will be just fine. 🙂
Oh You are definitely not alone on this one! It has been at the forefront of my role as a mother for as long as I can remember. It took along time to quieten the voice of my own mother in my head, It still causes me to regress into self-condemnation sometimes… I swore to do all I can to break this cycle. I wrote about my recent breakthrough in this area over a few posts, but I think you will enjoy this one in particular.
http://innerangelsandenemies.wordpress.com/2013/01/29/beginning-to-undo-the-damage/
A great relateable post! Blessings to you!