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By Meredith Ethington

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Childhood Guest Bloggers Guest Post

My Jewish December

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My Dad grew up Jewish in a Catholic neighborhood. His parents owned the corner store, making him a popular kid. His mom would give him a piece of salt water taffy or a cherry licorice dollar to share with any kids tagging along with their harried mothers.

My Dad tells me he knew he was Jewish, but that didn’t mean much. He was just like the Christian kids. He liked stickball and looking at Green Hornet comic books. And he was just as rich as they were, meaning not at all. My Dad was born in 1927, so his childhood knew no extravagance.

Unlike today, the Christmas season then didn’t start after Labor Day, it was closer to mid-December. But if there was a time of year when he felt a little different, those weeks after Thanksgiving would have been it.

One year, my Dad was likely five, he was playing outside after Christmas. He remembers there had been snow the night before — just a dusting, but enough that his Mom told him to wear boots and gloves. He thinks he must have been on his way to his best friend, Patrick Maloney’s house. But on the way there he saw something astonishing. Lying on its side at the corner was one of those beautiful green fir trees that all his friends seemed to have. It couldn’t have been very big, and it was likely losing needles quickly, but to my Dad’s innocent eyes, it was a thing of beauty. Forgetting his friend, he grabbed the scrawny tree trunk and pulled the shrub behind him the half block hike to his house, up the three concrete stairs to the front door. It was awkward trying to pull it inside so when he got it partway in he called for help.

His Mom found him tugging at the tree, pine needles scattering throughout the tiny front entrance and she yelled, “Get that thing out of the house.” And that astonished him — just as much as the great fortune of finding the tree, free for the taking, right at his own corner.

My Dad laughs at the story now, but I can imagine his sweet five-year-old self gulping back tears as he was made to drag the tree back to the corner. “I didn’t know why my Mom was upset. I didn’t realize we didn’t have a tree because we were Jewish, I thought it was because we were poor.”

My kids understood their connection to Judaism more, perhaps. Maybe it was their Jewish preschool. But, like my Dad, they grew up with Christian neighbors. There were three families in a row and the eight kids only spanned about five years. Front doors were left open and footballs were dropped off in one yard and then left in a different yard the next day.

One December afternoon, my two older boys were not at our house, which meant they must have been at one of the other homes. I was enjoying absolute quiet as the baby napped — until the phone rang. My neighbor Lisa struggled to say something, but each time she began to speak, she fell back into hiccups of laughter. Finally, she put my oldest, then about four, on the phone.

“I want permission, Mom,” he said. “We’re making a snack and I don’t know if I should eat it. “
I was congratulating myself on having raised a son who would turn down one of Lisa’s famous “little snacks” which likely included a full-size candy bar chopped over ice cream and doused in fudge. But it wasn’t the gluttony he was opposed to, it was the final product.

Lisa had cut pieces of toast diagonally and slathered them with peanut butter. She added two milk duds for eyes, a red hot for a nose and two twisty pretzels for horns. Ta-da! A reindeer.

Unlike my father who wanted to pull Christmas into his house kicking and screaming, my son was afraid to even nibble at a holiday that wasn’t his own. I reassured him sharing pretzels and peanut butter, no matter what shape it was in, was a fine way to celebrate our differences and come together in neighborly love. I also reminded him to wash his hands after playing outside. (Being a mother is a never ending vigil.)

Hanukkah story 1(1)

My husband probably has the most unique Decembers of any of us. He was raised Catholic and celebrated his first two decades of Christmas about how you’d expect, with magical, twinkle-lighted trees and charming toy train sets. It wasn’t until he approached his thirties that he converted so our family would share one faith.

Formerly being Christian at Christmas is a mixed bag. Hanukkah is a lesser holiday in our religious calendar so that means we don’t shell out big bucks on holiday spending, which he likes. We also don’t have the high expectations that Christmas seems to bring. But something is definitely missing for him.

When his parents were alive we shared in their celebration. Since their passing, we usually go to a Chinese restaurant and for a movie. (Yep. It’s not just a thing in movies.) He has told me that he does feel a bit adrift from the traditions he grew up with and from most of the rest of America’s traditions.

One Hanukkah years ago, we had all the kids at Target. Instead of giving them each a gift that night, they got to pick a toy to donate to the Santa Anonymous box at the entrance to the store. To get to the toy section we had to meander past the fantastic Christmas department. Six hundred square feet of light, color and magic. A row from our destination my husband stopped the kids and said animatedly, “Here’s our endcap!”

About three feet wide stood a collection of menorahs, candles, dreidels and Hanukkah gelt. Nothing too tempting. We all shrugged our shoulders and moved on, no one sobbed, begging for a tinsel covered Star of David.

My Jewish December

Because I didn’t grow up with Christmas as my holiday, I can’t claim to understand what December feels like for my husband. Having nearly adult children now, we can share what Thanksgiving feels like – a rushed holiday eve when every person my kids knew in their childhood returns home and they all squeeze into the bar half a mile north of the high school. They repeat this the night after Thanksgiving, too.

Recently my husband rethought Christmas. “I like how everyone else is busy so we get the boys all to ourselves,” he told me.

Often, December can feel like standing outside the magical perfection of a snow globe peering in at its winter white charm. But every now and then our imperfect, stolen moments of family and holiday collide and make something uniquely our own, our Jewish December.

Jacy Sutton’s debut novel, Available to Chat, published by Booktrope, hits bookstores in  February. Until then, Jacy continues her work as a non-profit PR writer, mom, wife and chief dog walker. Find her at Jacy Sutton  and on Facebook and Twitter. 


1 Comment

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  1. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says

    December 23, 2015 at 5:20 am

    In a brilliant stroke of marketing designed to include people like Jacy’s dad’s family in the consumeristic mayhem, stores are calling Christmas trees “holiday trees” now!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
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Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

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But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

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Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

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Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
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We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
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