Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Anxiety Encouragement Inspiration Mental Health Motherhood Perfection

My Secret Weapon When I’m Feeling Lost Is To Make A List

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I have a list of strengths, 67 in fact, tucked away in a drawer so that I can bring them out and read them.

Sixty-Seven!

Think about it, could you sit down and write 67 strengths of your own in a list right now? If you are anything like me, probably not.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t one day think to myself, “I sure am amazing. I’m going to sit down and write a list of everything that makes me amazing.”

Far from it, in fact.

Instead, I was sitting in a therapy session for the first time ever in my life, and was given homework.

The assignment was to write down my personal strengths. Things that I do or am at least 51% of the time.

The therapist told me that it could be interests, passions, talents, skills, values, spirituality, interpersonal style…and I didn’t have to be perfect at any of these things, but they did have to represent who I was at least 51% of the time.

The first day of my homework? I came up with just three.

Three things.

I was at a point in my life where I was struggling to recognize all my strengths.

Somehow, I had lost my ability to see that I was strong in so many areas. Instead, I felt weak, frustrated, stressed, and my anxiety was overpowering my life. I could not see the good. I was questioning my own character.

Do you ever feel like that about yourself? Do you ever question if who you think you are, is indeed who you are?

At that time in my life, I was questioning it every day.

When I think back to how I was as a young adult before marriage and kids, I was super motivated.

Young adulthood….those young 20 somethings have the whole world in front of them. I felt like I could accomplish pretty much anything. It was in that time of my life that I packed two suitcases and flew across the country to live in a new city, not knowing anyone, really, not knowing where I was going to work, live, or who I would meet, but with all the confidence in the world.

Somehow, between then and that first therapy session, I had lost that.

Maybe it was because during that time, I had been spending my life dedicated to being a Mom and a wife, and figuring all of that out.

But, I also think it was because I just simply did not put any effort into thinking about my strengths. Ever.

Unless someone pointed one out to me, I rarely stopped to think about why I was special, what made me good, who I really was deep down.

Sure, I knew that I was loyal, honest, and dependable. Those were the three I came up with on that first try of doing my “homework”. But, beyond that, I hadn’t really given too much thought to what makes me…ME. Am I strong?

Do I even have strengths? I had no idea.

Coming up with 67 things took two months. It was not an easy task.

I would go back into therapy, and in talking with me, she could pull out 20 more in a single session. But, when I was alone….I could muster up four or five.

But, now, I have a secret weapon in my drawer that I can pull out anytime I feel those feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and judgment from others. It’s my list.

And, sometimes, just knowing it is in that drawer gives me strength when I get discouraged. And, I hope as time goes on, it will grow.

I think everyone needs a list of 67 strengths hidden in a drawer.

Whether it is a literal list or a figurative one, it doesn’t matter.

So often we put effort into making sure appearances are perfect. Whether it be in the home, at work, or our physical appearances. 

ut, we forget the most important aspect of our well-being when our lives are dedicated to children, and husbands, and work, and everything else that pulls us away from remembering who we are. We strive for outward perfection in our daily tasks, but take no time to think about what makes us who we are.

And, then one day, we are blind-sided with a trial, a tragedy, or stressful life event, and we have nothing to remind us that we can get through it.

We have no list of who we really are.

I’ve realized that people like me need a list.

I didn’t stick with that therapist. We didn’t really click. But, I took the time to discover with her who I really am by making that list. She taught me to recognize my strengths when I didn’t think I had a single one. 

I’ve discovered that I am far stronger than I ever thought. I am a self-proclaimed perfectionist who struggles with anxiety, and trying to keep it all together while raising three beautiful kids. It’s not easy. But, the list is there. And, that list doesn’t lie.

My advice? Take time to get a list.

This post was originally written in 2014 as a guest post here. 

 


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy
Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth
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