Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Parenting teens and tweens The Elementary School Years

Parenting Is Full Of Doubts

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We are all doubting our decision about school right now.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve decided to go all in and homeschool, if you’re doing a hybrid, a pod, or have sent your kids back in 100% to public school (like us.) We all have our doubts about our decisions.

This is a hard time. I’m having a hard time.

We made the decision to send our kids back and my kids all wanted to go back.

But, as the first week has gotten under way, I’m already doubting myself

They have strict protocols in elementary and I question whether or not school is even a tiny bit fun for my youngest anymore. He’s in third grade. It’s supposed to be fun sometimes. But, there is a lot of wiping things down, sitting too far away from friends at lunch to even talk, and masks are required outside even for recess.

If they want a break from wearing a mask, they stand on a little dot on the ground, six feet away from everyone else, and take off their mask.

It breaks my heart.

I also remember the long days last spring of being thrust into online learning.

There was no rhyme or reason to it. No good routine, and certainly not a lot of learning going on.

I was shocked to see my kid that didn’t love school anyway cry about not having a teacher, in a classroom, to teach him math.

That broke my heart, too.

I worried about their education, yes. But I worried about their mental health more last spring.

Some families don’t have a choice. I know we’re lucky we do.

That doesn’t stop my heart from breaking over the decisions I have to make for my kids right now that I know mean they probably aren’t reaching their full potential.

As I talked with another mom making the complete opposite decision from me to homeschool her kids, she was doubting her decision too.

The honest truth is I bet most parents are heartbroken right now. A pandemic is heartbreaking. There really is no avoiding the heartbreak because it touches all of us in varying degrees.

So, we grasp at something that seems good for our family and we go forward. Fumbling. Doubting. Hoping that something changes. Praying for those who are losing their lives.

We do what’s best for our kids amidst doubt and fear.

Because that’s what parents do. Think about it. It’s no different than when they placed that newborn in your arms and you doubted your own abilities.

It’s no different from when you decided to stop breastfeeding even though you doubted it was the right choice.

It’s no different than when your child first said, “I hate you.” and you doubted if you were a good mom.

It’s no different than when you doubted whether or not you should push them on a sport or instrument even though it was a struggle every day to get them there.

It’s no different than doubting if you should have given them more freedoms, or taken some away.

Parenting is full of doubts.

Every day we are forced to make decisions that sometimes have no concrete answers, and we trust our gut, and do what we think is best for our kiddos even though the choices are equivalent to choosing between a dumpster fire and jumping off a cliff with no idea how shallow the water is.

But, we stay strong for our kids. We act brave. We put a smile on our faces. We parent amidst the doubts that keep us up in the night.

There is no flashing arrow right now that says – “THIS WAY to get through the pandemic unscathed!”

Oh how I wish we could avoid the heartbreak that lies ahead for our kiddos.

But, know this. You’ve doubted your decisions before. And it’s been OK. We’re doubting them again in this season of pandemic parenting.

And for some reason, the fact that none of us have parented through a pandemic gives me a tiny bit of comfort.

Because we’re all a little lost.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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