Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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The Greatest Gift Is To Watch Your Child Leave You

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In some ways, when we first become mothers, we think that the story will eventually end. That the moment they hit 18, and leave home, it’s over. I hit that milestone in June, and today I’m watching my child leave home.

I woke up at 5 AM unable to quiet my mind thinking of all the possible scenarios that will play out as she makes her way across state lines to a new adventure. As I lay in the dark thinking about her, and all that we’ve been through, and of course playing out my worst fears because that’s what I do, I had the thought:

The greatest gift is to watch your child leave you.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m gutted and devastated. I’ve randomly burst into tears at the thought of her being out on her own doing adult things that maybe she’s not really ready for, but she has to try.

I see her as the little toddler who slept in until 9 AM while I tried to stay busy waiting for her to wake up so we could go do errands, or make our way to the library story time. I wonder if she’ll be able to make it to that morning class on time without me waking her up at least twice. She’s never been one to love mornings.

I see her as the elementary kid trying to do everything so perfectly, as first-born girls tend to do, and wonder if that perfectionism will be hard as she fails her first class in college. She used to get worried when she got B’s.

To me, she’ll always be that kid who was more quiet, often overlooked by friends and teachers, and sad that her junior year in high school, she felt like she didn’t have any friends.

Yesterday, I just watched her go on a “last trip” with a big group of friends she’s had since elementary school. She has so many friends now, that I miss her.

She hugged them all goodbye yesterday one last time as they all are going their separate ways this week to different colleges. I got to watch those bonds be built over years and years. What a gift that was.

I’ve been there for all of it, and I’m honored. But, the truth is, I’m still here watching.

Looking back on that little girl she once was who loved princesses and all things girly morph into a confident young adult who has reminded ME on more than one occasion that it doesn’t matter what other people think – you just have to be yourself – is now leaving me.

All I can think of is – what a gift motherhood has been and will continue to be.

In the thick of the baby and toddler years, 18 years seemed like an eternity. But, now it feels like a blip in time. But, the blip was so full of heartache and joy that I know now we’re bonded for actual eternity.

Motherhood doesn’t stop when they leave home. It’s the gift that keeps giving forever.

The greatest gift is to witness another human being grow, create, learn, mess up, succeed, and surprise you for the rest of your life.

I’ve always joked about how my Great-Grandmother lived to be 105 years old, and I hope I don’t live that long. But, having kids means you hope you get to live forever.

She’s leaving me today on an adventure, and I’m sad. I’m gutted, actually. Our family will never be the same.

It’s not great to have a kid leave you if I’m being honest. It’s an ache I may never get over.

But it is a gift. The years you get them at home are long and short all at the same time. They are full of frustration and happiness that co-exist in a way that is difficult to put into words.

I will always be grateful I got to be her mother during those first 18 (sometimes exhausting) years. But, the gift right now is the realization that my time of being her mother isn’t over. Not by a long shot. I still get to keep being a tiny part of whatever is coming next for her.

Motherhood is the ultimate paradox. I truly wasn’t prepared for how it would change me. I wasn’t prepared for the gift it really is.

And the best part of the story is that I get to keep watching for as long as we live.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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