Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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In the Motherhood Learning Me Motherhood Perfection

The No Resolutions Resolution

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A year ago today, I wrote the post, Letting Kids Be Kids. An entire year has passed since that post. Yet, it feels like I wrote it yesterday. And, a LOT has happened in that year. It begs the question, did I change at all in 2013?

new-years-someecards

Did I do any of those things that I typed out at the beginning of 2013? I wasn’t really trying to set goals for myself as a mother…but let’s face it, I must have been thinking about goals. It was January 4th!   In some either conscious or subconscious way, I was setting goals for how I was going to be a better mother in 2013. Let go more. Let my kids be kids. In other words, stop being so dang controlling.

Two days later, I wrote this post proclaiming that I was going to let go of the mommy guilt as my resolution.

Then the very next day, I wrote yet another post about measuring our success as parents.

Sometimes, it can be down right exhausting to be in my head.

This year, I’m not making any resolutions. Instead, I’m letting myself off the hook this year. Instead of making a list of things I need to accomplish or achieve, I’m telling myself it’s OK not to box myself in. Instead of saying, “you must let your kids be kids more often, Meredith”, or “let go of the guilt”, or do x,y, and z, I’m saying…let. freaking. go.

That’s the gift I want to give to myself. The lack of pressure. The lack of goals. The lack of trying to live up to a standard.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Goals are a good thing. Period. But, unattainable ones like trying to let go of all of the mommy guilt this year is not realistic. At least for me, the perfectionist who messes up one day and feels like all hope is lost. I’m the queen of unrealistic goal setting. And, those are the types of goals I usually set for myself. Whether in a list, or in my head, what difference does it make?

But, if 2013 taught me anything, it taught me that it is OK to be me. I’m a good person. A good mom. I’m a progressing person that is working it out day to day. Which means….I will screw up. Some days, I will eat an entire bag of M&Ms. Did I fail for that day? Of course. Does it matter in the long run? Not really (as long as I don’t continue eating a bag of M&Ms every single day).

It’s the same when it comes to parenting. We will screw up. It’s a given. Because kids are unpredictable little creatures that seem to live for messing with our heads…good thing they’re adorable and we love them, right? But, they are growing and learning too. We don’t expect them to be perfect. We can’t be either.

So, I’m saying forget the goals this year! Every single day there is a goal of some kind when you’re a parent. As long as we’re trying everyday to do our best for that day (let’s face it…some days your best is just keeping them alive), then let’s call ourselves the awesome parents that we are afraid to admit that we are.

 

 


6 Comments

« 2013 May Have Been the Best Ever. Even Though it Sucked.
7 Tricks to Stop the Fake Crying. »

Comments

  1. jennifer groeber says

    January 3, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Totally enjoyed this. My favorite part? I’m a progressing person, working it out day to day. That was pretty much my blog-olution for 2014. But I love that word, progressing. I’ve been blathering on about this phrase I learned in high school German class, Als ich kann. I love it. it means, the best I can do. I say it ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes it’s in a mean, exhausted way, like when four kids are all asking me to get their snow boots off at the same exact time. Ack! But sometimes it’s me being really proud of trying fondant for the first time and rocking the twins’ Woody and Buzz Lightyear cake. The best I can do!! Yipee! Either way, that’s all we really should be asking of ourselves (and our crumb-covered rugrats), right? Here’s to progressing in 2014!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 3, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      Absolutely!! It’s hard to remember every day though huh?? At least, I think it’s hard for me!

      Reply
  2. donofalltrades says

    January 4, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    I sort of like reading about you being so hard on yourself for ridiculous crapola. Is that wrong? Here’s to a fantabulous 2014, goals or not!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 4, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      I’m glad you enjoy my neurosis! 🙂 It’s a little wrong, but I forgive you.

      Reply
  3. Kerry says

    January 7, 2014 at 5:46 am

    Amen! I always set unrealistic goals too but the things I am most proud of accomplishing last year could not have been planned so I am betting on the same this year. Great things to happen that I cannot even begin to anticipate, probably will occur on the heals of something I didn’t want to happen 😉

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      January 7, 2014 at 10:03 am

      Exactly! 🙂

      Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
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Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

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I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

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WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

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For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
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New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

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But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

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But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

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Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

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Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
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