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By Meredith Ethington

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Parenting Tips Practical Tips The Elementary School Years

The Pineapple Analogy That Will Totally Teach Your Kids That Their Words Matter

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If there is one thing that we struggle with in our house now that my kids are getting older, it’s everyone having their feelings getting hurt. With three kids, someone is always upset because someone else hurt their feelings. I hear it constantly, “But he was being mean!” (when he totally wasn’t trying to) or “She hurt my feelings!” (when he was being a little too sensitive). Then I heard the pineapple analogy that totally shifted my perspective, and helped my kids understand that their words matter.

The pineapple analogy is a simple way to teach your kids when they’re maybe being too sensitive when they get their own feelings hurt, and how to be more sensitive to the feelings of others. Kids don’t automatically know how to treat others. Part of their child development is simply learning how to navigate their world, and what is socially acceptable.

And, I find that it’s most important when you’re talking about the social environment in your own home. Family can hurt us the deepest it seems. Why is it that we often treat others inside our home worse than we would treat those outside our home?

Innocent little comments by a sibling on a Monday morning when no one wants to get ready for school can have a deeper impact than on a Saturday morning when we’re all happily watching cartoons. Kids need to figure that stuff out. And, they need to realize that they love their family the most, and it’s important to treat everyone with kindness.

Kids need to learn that their words matter.

But, even outside our family, it’s important to learn that words matter, and what you say can impact the lives of those around them. I think this is especially helpful in the middle years of parenting. My kids are 6, 9, and 11 so we’re in the thick of those middle years. They aren’t quite big kids, but they’re definitely old enough to understand that their words can hurt others, and also lift others up.

At the same time, one thing I think is really important for kids to learn is when maybe they are just being too sensitive. That’s where this analogy works perfectly to demonstrate.

The Pineapple Analogy That Will Totally Teach Your Kids That Their Words Matter

It’s an analogy I’ve repeated over and over and over in my house. It will probably be one of those things that my kids will laugh about at my funeral how I always repeated this phrase.

“Treat others like they have skin like a peach, and try to remember when words are said toward you to have a tough skin like a pineapple.”

Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?

Here’s What Parents Need to Emphasize In This Analogy

I think a great way to demonstrate this analogy is by actually showing your kids the difference between how the skin of a peach is soft, thin, and very easy to break. That’s why we need to treat others as if they are fragile. This doesn’t mean we never speak our mind, but we have to remember that feelings can easily be hurt in some people, so we need to be careful in choosing our words. Speak softly, and kindly, like their feelings are easily breakable. Even if they’re not.

A pineapple obviously has a very thick skin. It’s hard to cut, and even spiky. Kids love this visual too! Especially if you’ve ever tried to cut a pineapple in front of them. When we’re dealing with hearing others’ words, we can try to have a thick skin. This also doesn’t mean that we let people walk all over us, but we can try not to be so sensitive to their words. Maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe their hurtful words aren’t about us at all. Maybe they don’t really mean it and they are angry or upset. We can try hard to be like a pineapple – have a thick skin and let things bounce right off of us.

The Thing I Love Most About This Lesson

One of the best parts of this pineapple analogy in my opinion is that you can teach your kids that both fruits are soft, sweet, and juicy on the inside. Our outsides are very different. Some people have a really thick skin, and some people are more fragile and can’t take hurtful words as easily. That’s why it’s best to treat everyone like a peach, and try hard to be like a pineapple ourselves. Because inside, we’re all good. We all have the potential to be sweet.

I also think this analogy is a great segue to talk about bullying with our kids. Obviously we never want out kids to get picked on. It’s important to understand why kids bully, and we can help our kids understand that most kids aren’t mean. They are hurting inside from something else. Deep down, they are probably sweet, too.

The Goal Of This Analogy Isn’t To Teach Our Kids Not To Feel

I have found this analogy to come up over and over again in my parenting. The goal isn’t to teach our kids that their feelings aren’t valid. It’s more about teaching them that while they have every right to feel the way they do, there are two lessons we can learn from most situations that hurt us:

  1. We can always try to be more kind, because our words DO matter and
  2. We can always try to turn the other cheek, put on the skin of a pineapple, and forgive when others hurt our feelings.

I’m pretty sure that when I die, my kids will reminisce that I always say, “Remember, have skin like a pineapple!” or “Treat others like they have skin like a peach!” Either way, I hope more than anything they’ll understand the important lesson behind it.

And, if you really want to remind your kids of this lesson, I found these really cute pineapple reminders on Amazon!

***

Meredith Ethington is the founder and creator of Perfection Pending, and has been blogging for over 10 years. She is a mom to three, and is desperately trying to help her kids understand sarcasm, and her need for personal space. She recently turned Perfection Pending into a contributor site to share the voices of all the fellow moms she admires. She is a freelance writer and has her first book coming out soon, Mom Life: Perfection Pending. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington
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This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
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Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
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Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy
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So true. And the ones that live close you do the s So true. And the ones that live close you do the same thing because schedules never line up! Tag your besties. @tragicallyhere
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