Today was one of those days, where I declared that everyone was going to bed an hour early. You know the days where kids are straight up crazy, and you look like something from the Walking Dead? You know what I’m talking about. And, if not? Tell me, what are you taking?
So, whether you put your kids to bed at 7 pm or 5 pm, my guess is that you probably earned it at some point in the day, to bump up that bedtime, so you can get a little peace and freaking quiet.
Here are my top 20 Reasons you (and I) can justify putting our kids to bed at least an hour earlier than normal.
1. You’re sick of your own voice. Yet, you question if it is actually audible to small children.
2. You’ve given so many empty threats, even you don’t believe them anymore.
3. You “escape” to do something you hate as soon as your husband walks in the door. Like, yard work. Or laundry. Suddenly, that sounds SUPER nice, so you lie and tell your husband it’s super urgent that you sweep the cobwebs from the corners of the front porch.
4. You let your kids play with purple Kinetic sand. And it’s everywhere.
5. You look at your cat and tell her to get a job. Because she’s just staring at you all. the. time.
6. You declare sugar to be of the devil for your children and vow tomorrow they will only eat celery and hummus all day.
7. You’ve already eaten your weight in chocolate by lunch time. Because, you need sugar. Lots of it.
8. At 4 pm, you want to cry when you look at your own bed, and know that you would almost kill to get in it. That very second.
9. You consider boarding school for the three year old as an actual option that must exist somewhere in the world. So you start to google and look it up.
10. You’ve cleaned bodily fluids from somewhere they don’t belong at some point in the day. Your clothing. A wall. In the closet. You get the idea.
11. Your husband is pleading at you with those eyes that scream “help!” and you stare back with your own eyes that say, “You did this.”
12. You’ve stepped on legos at some point in the day.
13. You had to go into a play land at a fast food restaurant that day.
14. You’ve heard so many shrill screams during the day that even when they are quietly watching TV, you’d swear that you can still hear them screaming.
15. All three kids managed to do synchronized fake crying, and you considered starting a choir.
16. The words, “Mom! He’s touching me!” make you spontaneously laugh, and then run into a room, hide in your closet, and rock yourself back and forth to self-soothe.
17. You’re folding your laundry in front of an episode of Paw Patrol long after your kids have moved on to something else.
18. You cringe at the word, “mommy” when you hear it.
19. You consider getting in your car and driving anywhere. Even a sketchy, abandoned parking lot sounds nice. Because…silence.
20. You’ve wiped bums, brushed teeth, helped with homework, cleaned the kitchen up what must be at least 15 times, read stories, and think that you must have used more patience than the Dali Lama that day, and frankly, you just deserve it.
But, the thing is, they’ll be asleep, and you’ll sneak in to cover them with their blanket or turn out the light, or pry the book from their hands, and your heart will suddenly burst and a voice will whisper, “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”
But, don’t feel guilty, mama as you gaze into their deceptively angelic looking faces while they sleep.
You earned it, my friend. Trust me.
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