Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement Inspiration Mental Health Mom Life Motherhood Parenting Perfection

We Are Never Going To Be OK If We Don’t Talk About What Hurts

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Listening to Glennon’s podcast today, I heard her quote another author, Ashley Ford.

She said, 

We are never going to be OK if we don’t talk about what hurts. 

It was something that has my soul yelling – YES! because I have always hoped to be authentic in my writing. I try to live by authenticity. It has always been my goal to share the ugly parts of my life as well as the triumphs.

Maybe this quote struck me because of something personal I’ve been going through this past year. I’m not ready to talk about that hurt just yet, but I AM writing about it and tucking it away for a day when I’m ready to be fully healed and OK. 

But, today I thought about all the mothers suffering silently through what hurts about modern motherhood. 

I know there are women out there fighting lots of invisible battles that we don’t see. I know there is pain in motherhood. I know the expectations are astronomical. The ones we put on ourselves and the ones that society puts on us.

The worst part is that I know full well, that society also has created a culture in many ways where we aren’t allowed to talk about what hurts. Especially when it involves raising our favorite humans on the planet. 

I hope that mothers all over the planet can live as their authentic selves though despite that and will own the beauty in motherhood and the pain it can cause, too.

I believe that you can set yourself free by talking about the hard and talking about what hurts. 

This week, my daughter got her learner’s permit to drive. She had downloaded an app on her phone, studied for the exam herself, and I was skeptical that she was going to pass. As I sat at the DMV, I watched as another teen came out from the exam area with tears in her eyes and cried to her own mama that she didn’t pass. 

I gulped. What if my daughter didn’t pass? What would I say? How would I console her? 

But, she came out with a smile, and learner’s permit in hand and drove herself to a friend’s house (with me in the passenger seat) like she was born to be a driver.  

I wasn’t ready for that. I looked over at her in the driver’s seat and snapped a picture. She had the biggest smile on her face. She was proud. She had earned it, and honestly – I was terrified. 

I was terrified because I love her so much and the thought of this next step in her life (and mine) is full of big emotions. Thoughts of did I do enough? Is she ready for this? Why do they have to grow up!?

The milestones are a wonderful blessing, but sometimes they are the part of motherhood that hurts the most. 

Watching your kids break free is hard. It hurts your heart even though you know that they need it, and so do you. 

But, there are so many other aspects of motherhood that hurt, too. So much that we don’t talk about for fear of being shamed, judged, or told they aren’t doing it quite right. 

I think motherhood brings a lot of hurt that we tuck away into the deep recesses of our souls because sometimes acknowledging them seems like defeat. Like we are admitting that we weren’t meant to be mothers, when in fact, we totally were. 

I know that sometimes my anxiety can take me to a dark place quickly when I think about the hurts. 

I hurt when I think about my own inadequacies. I hurt when I think that I made a mistake that my put my child in therapy one day. I hurt to think about the pain my children go through because of me. 

I hurt when they hurt. 

I struggle to find myself in motherhood and feel guilty that I’m not one of those moms that is totally fulfilled by being a mom. 

I hurt when I think about my kids being left out. I hurt when they struggle with their own anxiety and depression. 

I hurt watching them struggle through something. I hurt when I leave them on their own to figure it out. 

I’m a firm believer though that we need to talk about our motherhood hurts so that we’re OK. 

No, this doesn’t mean that every mother should make all of her trials and struggles public. But, it does mean that maybe we need to say out loud more that this motherhood thing can hurt us.

It can hurt our egos. 

It can hurt our ambition. 

It can hurt our children when we make mistakes and don’t own them. 

It can hurt our mental health. 

It can hurt our bodies. 

And, the way to heal and be the best mothers that we can be is by saying out loud that motherhood is sometimes not the greatest. It’s certainly not for everyone either. 

Maybe you tell a friend, your own mama, a therapist, or your partner. Maybe you tell your journal, or maybe you just tell your OWN SOUL that yes, the hurt is there, but yes, you’re doing it and it’s going to be OK. 

Encourage the part of yourself that is imperfect and hurting to love and accept the whole of who you are anyway. That’s where we start to accept the impossibility of motherhood.

Because it’s an impossible job that we fumble through as we are still growing and some of us (ahem, me) are still trying to mother ourselves. 

Motherhood is going to hurt. There is no changing that. 

But, the hurt can be healed as we accept the parts of us that can’t do it perfectly. And admit out loud that it’s OK if we don’t. 


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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