Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement Inspiration Mental Health Mom Life Motherhood Parenting Perfection

We Are Never Going To Be OK If We Don’t Talk About What Hurts

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Listening to Glennon’s podcast today, I heard her quote another author, Ashley Ford.

She said, 

We are never going to be OK if we don’t talk about what hurts. 

It was something that has my soul yelling – YES! because I have always hoped to be authentic in my writing. I try to live by authenticity. It has always been my goal to share the ugly parts of my life as well as the triumphs.

Maybe this quote struck me because of something personal I’ve been going through this past year. I’m not ready to talk about that hurt just yet, but I AM writing about it and tucking it away for a day when I’m ready to be fully healed and OK. 

But, today I thought about all the mothers suffering silently through what hurts about modern motherhood. 

I know there are women out there fighting lots of invisible battles that we don’t see. I know there is pain in motherhood. I know the expectations are astronomical. The ones we put on ourselves and the ones that society puts on us.

The worst part is that I know full well, that society also has created a culture in many ways where we aren’t allowed to talk about what hurts. Especially when it involves raising our favorite humans on the planet. 

I hope that mothers all over the planet can live as their authentic selves though despite that and will own the beauty in motherhood and the pain it can cause, too.

I believe that you can set yourself free by talking about the hard and talking about what hurts. 

This week, my daughter got her learner’s permit to drive. She had downloaded an app on her phone, studied for the exam herself, and I was skeptical that she was going to pass. As I sat at the DMV, I watched as another teen came out from the exam area with tears in her eyes and cried to her own mama that she didn’t pass. 

I gulped. What if my daughter didn’t pass? What would I say? How would I console her? 

But, she came out with a smile, and learner’s permit in hand and drove herself to a friend’s house (with me in the passenger seat) like she was born to be a driver.  

I wasn’t ready for that. I looked over at her in the driver’s seat and snapped a picture. She had the biggest smile on her face. She was proud. She had earned it, and honestly – I was terrified. 

I was terrified because I love her so much and the thought of this next step in her life (and mine) is full of big emotions. Thoughts of did I do enough? Is she ready for this? Why do they have to grow up!?

The milestones are a wonderful blessing, but sometimes they are the part of motherhood that hurts the most. 

Watching your kids break free is hard. It hurts your heart even though you know that they need it, and so do you. 

But, there are so many other aspects of motherhood that hurt, too. So much that we don’t talk about for fear of being shamed, judged, or told they aren’t doing it quite right. 

I think motherhood brings a lot of hurt that we tuck away into the deep recesses of our souls because sometimes acknowledging them seems like defeat. Like we are admitting that we weren’t meant to be mothers, when in fact, we totally were. 

I know that sometimes my anxiety can take me to a dark place quickly when I think about the hurts. 

I hurt when I think about my own inadequacies. I hurt when I think that I made a mistake that my put my child in therapy one day. I hurt to think about the pain my children go through because of me. 

I hurt when they hurt. 

I struggle to find myself in motherhood and feel guilty that I’m not one of those moms that is totally fulfilled by being a mom. 

I hurt when I think about my kids being left out. I hurt when they struggle with their own anxiety and depression. 

I hurt watching them struggle through something. I hurt when I leave them on their own to figure it out. 

I’m a firm believer though that we need to talk about our motherhood hurts so that we’re OK. 

No, this doesn’t mean that every mother should make all of her trials and struggles public. But, it does mean that maybe we need to say out loud more that this motherhood thing can hurt us.

It can hurt our egos. 

It can hurt our ambition. 

It can hurt our children when we make mistakes and don’t own them. 

It can hurt our mental health. 

It can hurt our bodies. 

And, the way to heal and be the best mothers that we can be is by saying out loud that motherhood is sometimes not the greatest. It’s certainly not for everyone either. 

Maybe you tell a friend, your own mama, a therapist, or your partner. Maybe you tell your journal, or maybe you just tell your OWN SOUL that yes, the hurt is there, but yes, you’re doing it and it’s going to be OK. 

Encourage the part of yourself that is imperfect and hurting to love and accept the whole of who you are anyway. That’s where we start to accept the impossibility of motherhood.

Because it’s an impossible job that we fumble through as we are still growing and some of us (ahem, me) are still trying to mother ourselves. 

Motherhood is going to hurt. There is no changing that. 

But, the hurt can be healed as we accept the parts of us that can’t do it perfectly. And admit out loud that it’s OK if we don’t. 


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebblei Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebbleice #adhd #momlifebelike
Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
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