Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Childhood Family Gratitude Me Motherhood Parenting Perfection

You Got It Right

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Sometimes, the bedtime routine makes you want to cry and bang your head against the wall. Other times, it takes your breath away.

Tonight, Kyle wanted to snuggle. He’s my snuggler, and his love language is definitely touch. I’m grateful for his hugs almost every single day. Some days though, it can be exhausting as he wants to rub his face on me when he’s tired, or any other time he sees fit. Some days, I’m touched out.

Tonight though, he just wanted to snuggle with me. I laid down in his tiny bed next to his tiny body and felt him relax. I threw an arm over him and pulled him close. I started singing his favorite bedtime song. I rubbed his little ear and he pulled his arm out from under the covers, and started scratching my back.

The boy knows the way to his mama’s heart.

I kept singing as his blinks got a little longer and slower with each line of the song. His breathing slowed, and the scratching would pause from time to time. I got to the last line that I frequently mess up about 50% of the time, but this time, I said the words just right. It’s kind of a joke of ours how often I mess those words up.

He was quiet for a minute, and then he whispered, “You got it right”.

He closed his eyes for just a few seconds leaving those words lingering in the air before he burst into a fit of giggles. He laughed hard and his little brother knew something was funny and got up and started jumping in his crib. I decided to give Kyle one last hug and go snuggle his little brother for a second too.

I pulled him out of his crib and he laid his head down on my shoulder as I sang, The First Noel. At one point, he sat up and looked me in the eyes as I was singing. Smiled, and laid his head back down. I drank in that moment. He’s two, so it is so rare for him to snuggle. He doesn’t ever sit still long enough.

I left the room and said good night to my big girl that was begging for just one more minute to read. Of course, I gave it to her.

Sometimes, I hear the words, “You got it right” in my head and in my heart. But most times, I hear the self-doubt, the fears, the guilt, the “you aren’t doing this right” that seems to just be inseparable from the word mommy. But, hearing those words, “You got it right” from my tiny little 4 year old, who is growing up right before my eyes, was enough for me to feel like…

“You know what? I am getting it right”  

I don’t always get it right, but sometimes I do. And, it’s in those quiet little moments when someone (even if it’s just me) whispers “You got it right” where I feel full of joy. And, I know that I’m getting it right enough of the time to be a good mother. Even when I don’t feel like I am.

PerfectionPending

It doesn’t mean I won’t mess up tomorrow. We all mess up. But, we get it right too. And, those are the moments that I want to box up tight and hold onto forever. And, those moments are the ones that I hope they want to box up and hold onto forever too. My simple dream, as a mom is that at the end of all of the years that I still have ahead of me in raising my little ones, I will feel deep in my heart the words, “You got it right” and know that I really did.


17 Comments

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Comments

  1. zeudytigre says

    December 20, 2013 at 8:16 am

    Beautiful 🙂

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      December 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply
  2. Rivki Silver says

    December 20, 2013 at 8:36 am

    This is so sweet, and such a good reminder. I also hope that the “you got it right” moments will be the ones that last. I love the snuggling, too. It’s become a bit of a bedtime thing at our house, and while some nights I just want to hurry up and drink my tea downstairs, I try to remember that they will not be tiny for long, and to snuggle as much as I can while they let me.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      December 20, 2013 at 12:44 pm

      So true. My nieces just turned 15 today, and I look at them and realize how quickly it does go. Thanks for stopping by!! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Lindsey Williams says

    December 20, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Tears. That was beautiful.

    Reply
  4. Rayna says

    December 20, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    That was really cute.. Definitely big smile here. 😀

    Reply
  5. Kelly McKenzie says

    December 21, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Just lovely. I’m pressing the “hold” button for you so that those precious moments last a little longer. I am living in a land where my son is suddenly 18 and my daughter 19. The night nighttime rituals of their youth seem like just last month …

    Reply
  6. Mamapotamus says

    December 21, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    Yup, you got it right! Taking those moments to snuggle, because they grow up just too fast.

    Reply
  7. Kerry says

    December 21, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Beautiful post, I love those days when I feel like a good mom because we do all doubt ourselves way too often. I have had a good past few days. The holidays have a nice way of reminding me to slow down and savor the magic with my kids. I need to harness that and carry it through the year!

    Reply
  8. Deanna @ From Casinos to Castles says

    December 22, 2013 at 6:04 am

    Beautiful post! So sweet and heart-warming! Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

    Reply
  9. Amber says

    December 23, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Aw. How sweet!

    Reply
  10. sue says

    December 24, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    I think this is your best one so far! (The post…not Kyle.)

    Reply
  11. Aysh says

    December 30, 2013 at 4:30 am

    Oh I so know what you mean! They grow up so fast.

    I am totally in love with your blog. Featured you on my Monday Links today.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      December 30, 2013 at 9:09 am

      Thank you!! Where?? Can you give me a link?

      Reply
  12. Frantic Mama says

    December 30, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    That is such a wonderful post. I LOVE the happy, peaceful moments (so rare) of motherhood.

    Reply
  13. Amber says

    December 31, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Just wanted to pop in and say Happy New Years!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      December 31, 2013 at 2:15 pm

      Thanks Amber!! Happy New Year to you too!!

      Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

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"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
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