Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Your Mom Guilt Needs A Summer Break, Too

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I feel the need to validate the experience of all the mamas out there feeling intense amounts of Summer mom guilt. 

I’m one of you. I am you. 

Summer started two weeks ago and my kids have already spent eleventy billion hours on screens. 

I am recovering from Covid, my husband had it before me, and my daughter had it before him. From DAY ONE of Summer break we’ve had someone in our house sick with this nasty virus. 
My boys have stayed well (#blessed) but tbh, the amount of mom guilt I’ve felt as they’ve had to entertain themselves for literal hours of the day with screens instead of friends, or parents, or the pool we usually go to daily is ridiculous. 

I’ve been laying in bed for five days with a raging fever feeling mom guilt, y’all. 

Nope, I’m not new to parenting. I’m a veteran. I know how to have self love and give myself grace. I know how to talk myself down from spiraling into thoughts of “You’re a horrible mother.” 
But, why – W H Y is mom guilt so fierce in my heart, mind, and soul? 

Wasn’t I raised in the 80’s and 90’s when mom guilt didn’t seem to affect our parents at all? 

I have tried for years to let the mom guilt go. I played Super Mario Bros. 3 in the 80’s for nearly one billion hours a day in the Summer with my BFF because we lived in TX and to be honest it was too damn hot to go outside, and we were too poor to have a pool or any friends with a pool. So, we played video games. For literal HOURS. 

People had to come get us and make us eat. 

So, I had a relaxed 80’s childhood where screen time was a free for all, and I still managed to turn out okay(ish).

So why is it that the mom guilt around screens (and literally everything else) is so strong in our generation of mothers? 

We grew up watching Unsolved Mysteries at 9 years old even though it gave us crippling nighttime anxiety. Our parents did not even know what we were doing and when they did they were like, “meh. It’ll do them some good to hear about how that kid disappeared and no one saw them ever again. Maybe they’ll come home faster next time we whistle for them from the front porch at 10pm.” 

The slip n slide was the big event for the day in the summers.

My sister and I circa 1981

Kool-aid was our drug of choice with its full TWO cups of sugar to make a pitcher that we’d finish off in a day. 

We spent the rest of the time watching highly-inappropriate-for-kids sitcoms like Night Court and Cheers. I was INVESTED in Sam and Diane’s relationship at 12 years old. 

My house had a creek behind it that my sister and would spend HOURS pretending like we had been kidnapped by Satan Worshippers (hello Satanic Panic) and I recently mentioned this to my Dad who had no clue that we would jump our fence and play in the woods by water for hours at a time. 

Y’all, I’m writing this post as much to myself as I am to all of you lovely parents.

I don’t know how the children of the 80’s and 90’s captured this incredible mom guilt (and dad guilt of course) that our parents did. not. have. 

My own husband was just lamenting to me that one our children is too good at video games and has no life skills to speak of. He’s 10 y’all and my husband is worried about life skills. I guarantee you his parents never discussed his life skills at ten. SMH. 

We all (myself included) need to calm down about the summer mom guilt.

I’m not saying do nothing with your kids and let them fry their brains on video games every day. I’m saying that you just need to get some perspective. You aren’t actually letting them fry their brains on video games every day. You’re doing FIIINE. 

Other days you take them places, and make great meals, and do a craft, and help the baby learn motor skills and how to talk. 

You already do more than most 80’s and 90’s parents who were struggling to just survive their own childhood trauma and be better than their parents were. 

So, embrace the brain frying days of summer. School will be back in session soon enough. You’re doing a good job. 

And most importantly, Remember this: 

Your mom guilt deserves a much needed vacation, too. 

That girl is too damn busy during the school year beating herself up about packing healthy lunches, and getting the 10 year old to read 20 minutes every day to have to suffer through mom guilt during the Summer too. 

She deserves a damn break. So for the love of all the things we did during our 1980’s and 1990’s summers, give. her. a. break.

Want more posts to help you ditch the mom guilt? Try these:

No You Don’t Get just 18 Summers With Your Kids

10 Things all Moms Say All Summer Long

Summer is Hard for Introverted Mothers

A Real Mom’s Guide to Surviving Summer


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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