Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Motherhood Parenting Perfection

Are You A Brave Mom? What Does Bravery Look Like After Motherhood?

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I’ve never thought of myself as “brave” in the true sense of the word. I never really thought of myself as a brave mom either. I’m not really a risk-taker, and aside from roller coasters, I don’t do any dare-devilish things. Skiing even seems out of the question for me.

But, as a young 20 something, I did something very brave for me.

I packed up 2 suitcases, and flew across the country to another state that I had only been to once on a family vacation when I was 15, and started a life. I didn’t really know anyone there, and relied on friends of friends to pick me up from the airport and drive me to a place to sleep.

I remember being terrified. But, at the same time, I had this incredible sense that all would be OK if I just did what I knew I was supposed to be doing.

Sure, I didn’t know who I would live with, where I would work, or how I would get to campus each day for college, but I just had this, “I’ll figure it out” attitude.

I got a job, and put myself through school, and even got a degree at the end of it. Looking back now, everything fell into place, and it was obvious that I did the right thing. Even though it terrified me.

But, I look back at my 20-something self, and realize, I was very, very brave.

And, then I became a Mom. And, suddenly, the world became terrifying again. My anxiety started to increase almost the instant I became pregnant, and hasn’t left me since. But, I’m learning to be brave again. Because bravery isn’t just about doing a dare-devilish task.

Being brave can mean lots of things.

But, it got me thinking, what does being a brave mom mean?

I could easily look at my life and think, here I am. Taking care of others all day long. My 20-something self is long gone, and I am just living life daily trying to keep my head above water. But, really, the opportunity to be brave is still there for me. It just looks different now.

It looks like standing up at a PTA meeting to take down an old president because everyone in the school is begging YOU for change. Or maybe it just means standing up at a PTA meeting and disagreeing with a policy, rule, or suggesting a new one.

It looks like a Mom who has screwed up again, but isn’t afraid to say she is sorry to her children, and admit that she made a mistake.

It looks like cleaning up puke in the middle of the night even though you wish you could run away screaming.

It looks like being in the same room as someone that you know has said ugly things about you, and being the better person.

It looks like asking for help.

It looks like letting people come into your house for the first time when it’s not clean, and not worrying.

Being a brave mom looks like having another baby when you’re already worried you’re screwing up the first one.

mom and baby at hospital

It looks like going against a doctor’s advice because you know what’s best for your child.

It looks like not being afraid to be yourself when everyone around you is copying each other.

It looks like sharing your story, your struggles, and your heartache with others even though you feel vulnerable.

It looks like admitting that your life isn’t perfect all the time. And, not being ashamed.

It looks like not being afraid to make the first move because you desperately want a friend.

It looks like trying every day to be a little better than you were the day before. And, not feeling guilty about your mistakes.

It looks like sticking to your guns even though you know other parents are judging you.

It looks like a Mom that you might see at the grocery store in frumpy yoga pants getting the last ingredient for her recipe that night, because she forgot it yesterday.

You just never know the hardships, trials, struggles and pain that goes on inside another person. Even someone that is “just” a stay at home Mom. Life may look peachy from the outside looking in, but we are all fighting hard battles. And, we can still be brave.

What do you do that is brave? Tell me! I want to know.

 


32 Comments

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Comments

  1. Beth Teliho says

    November 13, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    You got me with the one where you said “It looks like not being afraid to make the first move because you desperately want a friend.” Beautiful post from beginning to end, Meredith. Motherhood has taken more bravery than I imagined, very true!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 13, 2013 at 3:57 pm

      Thanks Beth! Yes, making friends is one of the hardest things to do!! Especially when it is up to you to make the first move.

      Reply
  2. Stephanie says

    November 13, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    This is beautiful! Bravery comes in many forms! I can’t wait to experience all the worry and BRAVERY of motherhood! 🙂

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 13, 2013 at 4:43 pm

      Thanks! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Suzie McGrew says

    November 13, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    I love this. It is so hard to remember that looks can be deceiving. For me being brave means exiting the work force to be home and deciding to make it work although there is no clear path. Like your younger self we have the sense that tjis road will work out we just don’t know for sure how.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 13, 2013 at 5:38 pm

      That IS a brave choice!! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

      Reply
  4. The Waiting says

    November 13, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    This was fantastic. We all need this type of encouragement and to remember that even if we think our lives are mundane, we commit small acts of bravery every day. A small incident happened to me today that could have made me spiral out into a tizzy, but I was brave to just ignore it and move on. Thank you for reminding me that that was no small thing.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 14, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      Honestly, it’s usually the small things that DO make me crazy. And, when I think how no one saw my control, or patience, it can be discouraging. I wrote a post about that…It’s called Superwoman. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Kerry says

    November 14, 2013 at 9:58 am

    This is really beautiful including your picture, you’re glowing! You named so many acts of bravery but the one that stuck out to me was the one about standing up at a PTA meeting with a complaint, disagreement or suggestion. I attended my first PTA meeting this week as a committee head and it was really great to be there. But, I would definitely be intimidated to have to make a stand at one, I would do it but palms would likely be sweaty and voice shaky.

    Reply
    • Kerry says

      November 14, 2013 at 9:58 am

      I meant, you mentioned so many awesome acts of bravery, I loved them all!

      Reply
      • Meredith says

        November 14, 2013 at 7:57 pm

        Thank you! And, thanks for saying I was glowing too!! 🙂

        Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 14, 2013 at 7:56 pm

      haha! I know!! My sister kind of had to stand up and nominate herself as the president. She was sooo nervous!! I think someone else technically nominated her, but still, she knew it was coming!

      Reply
      • Kerry says

        November 14, 2013 at 8:35 pm

        That is intimidating and a big job too!

        Reply
  6. Rachel Wagner says

    November 15, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Beautiful post. I can think of so many wonderful Moms I know, including my own, that need to hear this and can totally relate. Makes me think of the Nelson Mandella quote- “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it”
    I’m not a mom but I wonder what ways I am brave?

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 15, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      Sounds like a blog post is coming from YOU about bravery! 🙂

      Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 15, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      And thank you for the kind words, too. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. says

    November 15, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Yes, yes, yes. I relate to so much of this. We DO have a lot in common! Beautiful post!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 15, 2013 at 3:24 pm

      Thanks!! 🙂

      Reply
  8. Adriana says

    November 15, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    Great post, Meredith! And you’re not ‘just’ a stay-at-home mom. You’re a mom. And that’s a tough job. I am not kidding you when I say I have it easier than when I was staying at home with the kids. So give yourself more credit to your job… 😉

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 15, 2013 at 8:44 pm

      Oh, I put that in quotes for a reason. I don’t believe the “just” part. Everyone else says that, but NOT me!!! 🙂

      Reply
  9. Kelly says

    November 16, 2013 at 9:44 am

    Admitting your mistakes to your kids is SUCH a big one. It can be so hard to do, but it’s important. It teaches them so much about honesty and owning your failures. Well, that and letting people see your messy house 🙂 That one is really hard, too. Great post!

    Reply
  10. Frantic Mama says

    November 18, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    This is such a great post. I agree– you DO have to be brave to keep on keepin’ on as a mother every single minute of every single day. Before having kids, I had no idea how brave I was going to need to be.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 18, 2013 at 1:48 pm

      Thanks Julia! 🙂

      Reply
  11. Hannah D says

    February 12, 2014 at 10:34 am

    I found you through momaste. I love this post! For me, there’s always an underbelly of fear when it comes to bravery, but I guess what makes it brave- the fact that you swallow the fear and do the thing that scares you anyway.

    Some of the brave things I have learned to do are ask for help, say no, and love myself even though I don’t fit the mold of what society tells me I should look like. I trust, I love, more intensely than are comfortable because I’m letting my guard down.

    Good one, I’m going to keep thinking about this!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      February 12, 2014 at 10:37 am

      Thanks Hannah! It means the world to me that this resonated with you. If you’d like to guest post for me about this subject, I’ve started a Saturday series…I’m scheduling into June, so there would be plenty of time. Here’s the link to what I’m looking for: https://perfectionpending.net/2014/02/01/be-brave-and-guest-blog-for-me/

      Reply
  12. Kristi Campbell says

    October 1, 2014 at 8:46 am

    This is SUCH a beautiful post, and so so true. You were really brave to move all alone so young and it really does seem like it was the best choice for you. Bravery is completely redefined when we become parents. Going against doctors’ advice, frumpy pants at the grocery, and my favorite – that we really never know what somebody else’s life is like on the inside. Adore.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      October 1, 2014 at 8:48 pm

      Thanks Kristi!

      Reply
  13. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    October 1, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    Such a great post! We are all brave i our own ways, I think. Often, though, we don’t see it in ourselves.

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      October 1, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      So true. Thanks Lisa!

      Reply
  14. Chris Carter says

    October 2, 2014 at 8:47 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this Meredith!!! This is exactly what bravery LOOKS LIKE!!!!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      October 5, 2014 at 5:52 pm

      Thanks Chris! 🙂

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Saturday SHOUT Out– Perfection Pending | momaste says:
    February 8, 2014 at 10:53 am

    […] love this post about What Bravery Looks Like When You’re A Mom .  I found it touching, inspiring, and so relevant to my own situation in life.  Thanks so much […]

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
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Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
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Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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