Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Gratitude Inspiration Motherhood Perfection Uncategorized

Gratitude Turns Who We Are Into Enough

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During the month of November, your Facebook feed will most likely be flooded with people showing gratitude. It admittedly is a good time to reflect on what we’re grateful for. There is no harm in that. And, honestly I like hearing what random object or event someone is grateful for in their life towards the end of November when they’ve run out of the “obvious” answers.

A person much wiser than me said, Gratitude turns what we have into enough. And, frankly, we could all stand to practice a little more gratitude. Especially my kids who think life is so ridiculously hard when they have to pack their own lunch for school.

But, as I was thinking about that quote, I turned the words around a little to something that has become more meaningful to me in recent weeks. Because it’s something I’m working on right now.

Gratitude turns who I am into enough.

Motherhood seems to have brought every weakness of mine into the limelight. It was as if as soon as I became a mother, I was keenly aware of my ridiculous impatience, my anxiety flew into action, and all of a sudden, I was not good enough. I wasn’t a good enough mother, and I certainly wasn’t the mother I thought I would be. Some days, I didn’t even feel like I was a good mother. At all.

But, lately, I’ve been working on myself a bit more, and trying to accept myself for who I am. Weaknesses and all. And, be grateful for that person.

Practicing gratitude is wonderful and all, but how often are we saying that we are grateful for our own gifts, and talents, and maybe even grateful for our weaknesses too? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a friend say on Facebook, “I’m grateful that even though I’m impatient sometimes, I’m working hard on myself every day, and who I am today is enough.”

Sounds radical doesn’t it?

For me, it’s a hard concept to grasp that it’s OK to just be who I am. Right now. Weaknesses and all. I still struggle with the perfectionism that has reared it’s ugly head since the moment I became a mother. I still have days where I sob into my pillow and am absolutely 100% convinced that I shouldn’t be a Mom. That I’m not good enough.

Because, I yell sometimes, and a good mom would never do that.

I get impatient sometimes, and that’s ruining my kids self-worth.

I want to be alone a lot. And, why don’t I want to be with my kids?

I want peace and quiet at the end of the day instead of loud laughter and kids running through the house wild and happy. Good mothers don’t think like that.

But, this mother does.

So if I accept who I am, then I have to let go of that perfect mother I think I should be. So, how exactly does that work?

I have to practice gratitude for myself. Every single day.

Grateful for a silly moment with my kids on Halloween.

Grateful for a silly moment with my kids on Halloween.

I yelled at my 6 year old this morning. He and his sister were wild and happy and carefree, but there was this little thing called time slipping away that was going to make them late for school. I was reminding them over and over to: “brush your teeth, put your lunch in your backpack, get your shoes on. BRUSH TEETH!” Until I broke. My six year old took teeny tiny baby steps into the bathroom because he was happy and carefree and didn’t know what time it was, and was just having fun. But, I was mad. So I yelled in frustration and he burst into tears.

How can I be grateful for THAT?

But, I’m grateful that I immediately realized that I was frustrated.  And, yes, moms are allowed to be frustrated. Of course my reaction was flawed, but I’m grateful that I’m self-aware enough to apologize, give a hug, and try harder the next day. I’m grateful that I care. I’m automatically a good mom because I care. I’m not perfect, but I’m grateful that I’m GOOD. Because a bad mom wouldn’t care. She wouldn’t realize her job is important and her actions matter. She wouldn’t apologize.

I’m grateful that in those moments where I make mistakes, I am realizing that I’m a good a mom.

Gratitude turns who we are into enough.

Gratitude Turns Who We Are Into ENough

The thing is, it takes practice though. You are not suddenly going to say, “Wow. I’m awesome. I yelled at my kids only 4 times today instead of 42.” Nope. Because you are a good mom, you’ll still feel bad about the 4 times you screwed up. But, you can practice gratitude for the 38 times you didn’t yell because you are becoming a better mother everyday.

There is a reason why they call it practicing gratitude. Because we have to try everyday to accept that we aren’t perfect. And we were never meant to be. I have to believe that God gave ALL children imperfect mothers so that we can grow together in our families. It’s also time for me to start believing that God gave MY children a good mother. A really good one. And, she is enough.

Gratitude turns who we are into enough. I am enough. YOU are enough for your children.

So, the challenge I’m going to take this November isn’t going to be to share on social media what I’m grateful for. My goal is going to be to quietly practice being grateful for who I am. To practice telling myself that I am enough. God never expected me to be perfect while rising these kids. He only expected me to be me. He’ll make up the rest.

 


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Comments

  1. Chris Carter says

    November 4, 2015 at 10:45 am

    LOVE this Meredith. That inward focus on the fact that WE are enough, is truth and a great reminder. We don’t accept who we are and feel that gratitude for WHO WE ARE nearly enough!

    Reply
    • Meredith says

      November 4, 2015 at 11:05 am

      Thanks Chris!

      Reply
  2. Jennie Goutet says

    November 25, 2015 at 7:45 am

    I pinned that quote. It was just so great. And your struggles sound a whole lot like my struggles!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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