Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Motherhood Parenting Perfection

I’m Not a Runner. But, I Know What it Feels Like to Race.

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When you’re a mom, you know what it feels like to race. As soon as your feet hit the floor in the morning, you are in it to win it. Every minute is accounted for. Every second counts. 

At 6:30 am, I hear a cough and a cry. I race to the next room. It’s Kyle. Luckily, it’s just a cough, and no other smelly liquids were involved, and he asks to watch TV. I lay back down  in bed exhausted for 10 more minutes until the alarm goes off. Then I’m racing again.

Get the girl up. Pull  out some clothes, encourage her to get dressed quickly like 15 times.

Pack a lunch.

Go back into her room to remind her that she is supposed to get her pants on too. Meanwhile, I’ve done 10 other things.

It’s 30 minutes of racing in the morning.

Reminding. Coaching. Begging. Hurry up! is said more than once.

She is off to school successfully. I scarf down some breakfast, and then, the baby is up and my race begins again just seconds later. Get him dressed. Feed him. Meanwhile, encourage Kyle that going to school today would be more fun than going to the grocery store with me. He agrees.

We race to get him ready. Race to get to his school on time.

We drive from  his preschool to the park. I don’t want to exercise, but I’m motivated to lose some freaking weight, so I do it. To my surprise I actually get some energy to jog a little.

I race (literally this time) around the park to hurry up my workout so I can make it to the grocery store.

Time is of the essence when you’re a mom. I know what it feels like to race. 

I hate grocery shopping, so my ultimate goal is to get the heck out of there as soon as possible. Without forgetting something (which never happens. I ALWAYS forget something).

I juggle keeping the baby entertained, letting him play with my list and a pen, marking on himself happily, while I concentrate on the task at hand. Granola bars for Avery’s class. We need bread. Oh crap. We’re out of milk again already.

Finally, I realize I am done. I race to the line with my grocery cart full.

Ready to get out of there as quick as possible. I am prioritizing in my head.

Do I have time to sit down for a second and eat a snack?

I need to shower.

Can I put groceries away and do that?

Crap. The kitchen needs to be cleaned from breakfast.

As I look up from unloading my cart, a little old lady probably in her 80’s pulls in behind me with 4 things. I glance up. The cashier has rung up two items. “Can you let her go first?” I ask.

“Not since I’ve already started ringing things up.” The old lady disappears to another line.

I feel bad for a second and then the cashier says in a whisper, “It’s OK. She comes in here multiple times in a day. She just needs something to do. She’s not in a hurry.

Sometimes she just comes in and stands around.” I laugh and say quietly, “That sounds like my worst nightmare!” referring to the act of going to the grocery store multiple times a day.

As soon as I said it, it felt selfish. Or naive. Or something. I can’t quite put my finger on it. But, I felt bad.

One day, I will get old too, and my shopping cart won’t be overflowing with fruit snacks, diapers, and apple juice, and all the vegetables for my latest diet.

It will just be me. There will be no have a to-do list. I won’t need to prioritize every second of my time.

One day, I will stop racing.

I think about that for a minute as I load my full car, and head home.

Then, I hit my back door and I start racing again. 

Unload groceries, eat a snack, keep baby entertained somehow (with the TV) while I shower. Clean up kitchen. Vacuum. What can I make the kids for lunch?

The thoughts running through my head are endless.

My husband calls and I’m out of breath. “I’m racing to put the groceries away real quick so I have time to have a shower before I have to go pick up Kyle”.

We hang up quickly, and my race continues.

I frequently think to myself, “If only there was more time! How am I possibly expected to get this all done?”

In my head, the race never ends.

But, it will some day. It will end. And, I will long for the days of racing again.

what it feels like to race

I’m not an athlete or a runner. But, I know what it feels like to race.

I imagine running a long race like a marathon feels the same. Like it’s never going to end. But, when it does, there is a release. A feeling of accomplishment. A feeling of joy. That you did something impossible. You did something you thought you could never do.

I imagine what it feels like to run a race is much like raising these little people. 

Sometimes it feels like the next milestone will never come. But it does. And it goes, and you miss it. The race seems long sometimes. Some days, it seems impossible.  But, as parents, we are all doing it. We do things we never thought we would be able to do.

Maybe we don’t get the best time. There will always be the person that seems to run the race faster, or better than us. But, we are participating.

We are living each day to our best ability.

We are running the race the best way we know how.

And when we cross that finish line, and running is no longer necessary, maybe we will stand in a grocery line with no where to go later.

No lists in our head. No little hand to hold as we walk into a busy parking lot.

Just like I imagine some people run a marathon and think, “I’ve done it. I never have to do that again.”

We won’t feel that way about this race we call parenthood. The brutal, unhappy times won’t be what we remember. Instead, we will think of the joy we felt in the journey. We will wish we could run the race again.

I have to believe that in order to keep on running.


73 Comments

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Comments

  1. Amber Perea says

    April 29, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Euphoric memory, love, works for drug addicts and moms!

    Ps- take some “me time”! I always get a lunch break! I’m exhausted just reading this! 😉

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 29, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      I take a lunch break too. Usually I’m starving by the time it gets here because I feed the kids first and get them down for naps before I eat! It keeps me sane to be able to watch something like the news!

      Reply
      • Amber Perea says

        April 29, 2013 at 4:12 pm

        See? As always…same women but totally different! I don’t eat until I am totally finished with everything which is late and I’m starving but I watch reality shows! Lol 🙂

        Reply
  2. Michelle says

    April 29, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Oh, I love this post. My days are so similar. I call them whirlwind days. And I love your metaphor of the running….very nice!!! If it makes you feel any better, this morning was also a rat race for me getting my eldest on the bus, then Doe threw a temper tantrum all the way to preschool screaming “BUT I WANTED A DIFFERENT TOY” about 57 times. And someone was tailgating me the whole way. UGH!!!! Motherhood is for young people!! Paint your toenails tonight:)

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 29, 2013 at 5:33 pm

      Yes it is!!

      Reply
  3. Liz @ TheLambentLife says

    April 29, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Spot on, as usual!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:53 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  4. Ashley Austrew says

    April 29, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Such a great post! Seriously. So good.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:54 pm

      Thank you! That means a lot!

      Reply
  5. donofalltrades says

    April 29, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    That you feel bad for making a snarky comment is funny to me. You’re too sweet for your own good. Lol.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 29, 2013 at 8:07 pm

      I know! My posts have been too sappy sweet lately. I guess I can’t help myself. Hang in there. I’m sure I’ll
      Have a snarky post coming up soon.

      Reply
  6. Rayna Drago says

    April 29, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    Marathons are easier than raising kids…Trust me. LOL! Another great post. Wish I could be in your brain…you just have such a way with words and metaphors. 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 29, 2013 at 8:12 pm

      Thank you!!

      Reply
  7. The Lily and The Marrow says

    April 30, 2013 at 11:18 am

    Oh man, I know how you feel and I only have a 2 year old and a teenager at home! Someday we plan to have another child but at the moment I can’t fathom how I would do it! Thanks for the perspective though – in the hustle and bustle it is important that we never forget to occasionally slow down and enjoy the moment before it passes two quickly.
    Blessings
    -Jen
    http://thelilyandthemarrow.wordpress.com/

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:55 pm

      Exactly! I have to remind myself of that practically every single day. Thanks for stopping by.

      Reply
  8. dmchale says

    April 30, 2013 at 11:26 am

    http://www.dlmchale.com writes: Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. I enjoyed reading your post and will spend some additional time on your blog in the hopes of experiencing some more of your talented and “authentic” voice. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It was fabulous!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:55 pm

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!

      Reply
  9. Dena Maddie says

    April 30, 2013 at 11:59 am

    I admire you for making time to workout amongst all that craziness! Makes me feel like I have no excuses not to workout 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:55 pm

      Ha! Well, we all have excuses. And, some days, I really suck at it. I’ve been doing good lately, but it’s hard to drag kids with you that’s for sure!

      Reply
  10. dirtyrottenparenting says

    April 30, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Hey, just found your blog! And yes, it seems like a marathon some days. I don’t think I’d make it if I didn’t have an office to escape to during the day! I think as they get older you’re allowed to start running a bit slower.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      I hope so. At least you aren’t wiping as many faces and other body parts when they are older. At least you hope they’re doing it themselves! 🙂

      Reply
  11. bdh63 says

    April 30, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Once all three are in school it gets easier to take a break. When I had my third, breaks were few and far between until she started preschool. And racing can be fun… But take care of yourself, it’s an endurance race lasting decades. Loved your story, brought it all back.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:57 pm

      Thank you! Yes, part of me tries really hard NOT to want them to all be in school, because I know I will miss this time. But, it’s really hard some days. Thanks for the perspective.

      Reply
      • bdh63 says

        April 30, 2013 at 3:34 pm

        My kids will be home most of the summer together. Woo-hoo let the good times roll! I don’t have time to miss them yet but I am told this happens. I am skeptical because they won’t be gone until after they are teenagers (!!!). 🙂

        Reply
        • fakingpictureperfect says

          April 30, 2013 at 3:45 pm

          I can’t wait for summer because I won’t have to pack lunches!!!

          Reply
          • bdh63 says

            April 30, 2013 at 8:03 pm

            Exactly, woo-hoo! We sleep in, get dirty gardening, cool off in the wading pool at the bottom of the slide and generally disturb the neighborhood with howling laughter. Occasionally we go to the beach or swim lessons, just to break up the monotony. Love summer!

  12. isacoted says

    April 30, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    My wife is the same way!! She is always going and never has a bit of free time. We have a little one and a house that she takes very good care of. I thank the mothers/wifes that work so hard they get out of breath!!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      It’s nice to be recognized by people like you! Sometimes this job isn’t noticed for how hard it is. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  13. whysamiam says

    April 30, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Purely brilliant! I’m not looking forward to my kids leaving home and saying farewell to the all nurturing parental role. But you’re right. We have to all keep running! Speaking of which,
    I’m off to the gym! Lol! Sam

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      Good for you! I don’t want them to leave home either, but I’ve got a LONG way to go for that. 🙂

      Reply
  14. donofalltrades says

    April 30, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Hey, I see your post on Freshly Pressed! Yay, I’m happy for you! See, people do appreciate your writing and can relate to your insanity! Lol. Love ya!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      April 30, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      Awww. Thanks Don! The feeling is mutual. 🙂

      Reply
  15. pryan51 says

    April 30, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    “We will wish we could run the race again.” Very, very true! Thank you!

    Reply
  16. Sara Harman-Clarke says

    April 30, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    I don’t have kids yet but still seem to race through life, goodness know what it will be like when the time comes! Really lovely post, really enjoyed reading it, thank you 🙂

    Reply
  17. segmation says

    April 30, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Mother is so so much fun! I love all it including the racing. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  18. sarabreitwieser says

    April 30, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Though I am not a parent I do know the feeling. I like this post. Well written. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  19. bensbitterblog says

    April 30, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    Congrats on getting freshly pressed! You are famous now!

    Reply
  20. Cheyenne says

    April 30, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    This post touched a chord with me! Great writing, I found myself speed reading to keep up with the race you were running. I feel a bit guilty to say I have only one and can be overwhelmed with racing. My daughter is 14 and I feel like I live in the car, going, going and going. You are bang on with so many points, the race will stop one day and when we look back we can simply hope that we ran the best dammit one with no regrets. Cheers to you!

    Reply
  21. limseemin says

    May 1, 2013 at 1:28 am

    Love this post. Having the same feeling sometimes

    Reply
  22. Kodiak My Little Grizzly says

    May 1, 2013 at 1:42 am

    Wow!!!! Life is a race indeed!

    Reply
  23. hkshuckleberry says

    May 1, 2013 at 2:02 am

    You may not wish to run the race again but you will remember the joy of running 🙂 !!! Those will be your fondest memories!!!
    🙂

    Reply
  24. brazennell says

    May 1, 2013 at 4:20 am

    Awh….made me well up…. Lovely. I have a Kyle too!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 1, 2013 at 7:40 am

      Thank you!

      Reply
  25. Fjola Melody says

    May 1, 2013 at 7:10 am

    This is a wonderful entry! I don’t have kids, but from a marathoner’s perspective, I understand it! Some never want to do the race again, but I would venture a guess that most marathoners complete it and think “what distance can I do NEXT?”. In a way our races are similar in that we push farther than we ever thought was humanly possible for us, then when we hit that milestone, we ask for more. And someday ultramarathons will be too far, and someday our pace will have to slow, but we will always be able to look back and say “I did it.”

    Thank you for your post!

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 1, 2013 at 7:40 am

      Thanks for that perspective!! I think that’s true. Very similar. I know it’s like some people only want one child after having one. Others keep doing it over and over!

      Reply
  26. MikeW says

    May 1, 2013 at 9:37 am

    True on so many levels, and to life in general.

    Reply
  27. Ron Pleban says

    May 1, 2013 at 11:26 am

    This was really nice 🙂 Congrats on getting “Freshly Pressed” (That’s how I found it!)

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 1, 2013 at 12:26 pm

      Thank you! Glad you stopped by!

      Reply
  28. longhornsandcamels says

    May 1, 2013 at 11:52 am

    Great post! I feel like this every day and I often feel guilty when I think of the number of times I say “hurry up” to the kids. I saw that you are from Texas and have 2 boys and a girl – me too 🙂 Congrats on being FP’d.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 1, 2013 at 12:25 pm

      I love finding fellow texans! Can’t wait to check out your blog too.

      Reply
  29. Permission Slips says

    May 1, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    So many of us moms take on marathons every day. Don’t forget to stop for water breaks, as all runners do. If you fall or get injured, who will finish the race for you?

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 1, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      Great point! We have to take care I ourselves too!

      Reply
  30. Margaret Haynes Meritt says

    May 1, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    My day still feels like that sometimes and my children are adults! 🙁

    Reply
  31. kalyanimuppidi says

    May 2, 2013 at 5:00 am

    vow!!! a wonderful post.. i can relate to it soo much

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 2, 2013 at 10:50 am

      Thank you!

      Reply
  32. crmama says

    May 2, 2013 at 7:40 am

    I read this post, loved it, wanted to comment…and for so busy with my kids I flat forgot to! So yes, I get the racing idea.

    This was beautifully written and I really needed to read it. Thank you!

    In fact, you’ve inspired me…I’ve for an idea for a blog post of my own rattling around in my head now. 🙂

    Keep racing, hon!

    Reply
    • crmama says

      May 2, 2013 at 7:41 am

      And why does autocorrect keep changing my “got” to “for”?? LOL

      Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 2, 2013 at 10:52 am

      Thank you! And happy to inspire!

      Reply
  33. The Guat says

    May 2, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. I hear ya sista. I bet all these parents are coming out of their sleepwalking day and failed finish-line attempts to tell you how awesome this post is and how totally get them. Yes. I am one of those. I am part of the rat race. I am number 1975 and I got my New Balance on, and I get you. I had one of those a-ha moments a while back. It is tough racing with two kids 4 and under and sometimes you totally don’t see that a-ha moment when meltdowns happen and ATM cards can’t be found. The gray hairs have become my badges of honor. Nice post! Good luck with tomorrow’s race 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 2, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      Thanks!!

      Reply
  34. lexiesnana says

    May 3, 2013 at 5:11 am

    The race goes by so fast and you don’t even know it. I miss those days now as my kids are all grown up. Thank God for the grandkids. It is hard to believe but these are the best times of your life.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 3, 2013 at 3:19 pm

      It IS hard to believe in the moment, but then some moments, I feel like, “YES! I never want this to end”. Motherhood in the early years is all about the ups and downs!

      Reply
  35. moodsnmoments says

    May 3, 2013 at 7:41 am

    am nowhere near being a parent but i have always heard my mother say the pleasure of being a parent is a privilege. your words say that so wonderfully. loved it. well done and congrats.

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 3, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      Thank you and thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  36. The Blog Identity says

    May 3, 2013 at 8:04 am

    Join the club.

    Reply
  37. The Bangali Angle says

    May 4, 2013 at 6:41 am

    You put it up so beautifully!!! Its so emotional in a non seeming way!! 🙂

    Reply
    • fakingpictureperfect says

      May 4, 2013 at 9:03 am

      Thank you! What a nice compliment!

      Reply
  38. betunada says

    May 5, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    i couldn’t help but think… yeah, i been deah, dunndatt. and, when the oldest kid was, oh, 12, she WON a local 5k, OVER-ALL! the son, who thought running was for people who couldn’t do “real sports” didn’t start RACING ’til he was out of college (he didn’t have to weigh 260 to be a football lineman), lost weight, and became the fastest runner in the family. the racing never ends, i hope …

    Reply
  39. jakekelly13 says

    June 3, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Sometimes in life you need to just keep on racing until you can’t anymore until you reach that goal!

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
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My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
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I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
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Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
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