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By Meredith Ethington

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Inspiration

It’s OK To Be the Hero in Your Own Life Even If Others Don’t Approve

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“But, I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I could just not think the way I do. Go back to how it was before. I have felt upset with myself for wanting to do this. For wanting to change and leave it all behind”, I said today to my therapist. 

He said, “Maybe I’m biased, but this is the most beautiful thing that could happen. It’s a good thing.” 

And, the best part? I believed him. 

***

Recently I read about the Heroic Journey in Falling Upward by Richard Rohr. Apparently he’s not the only one that talks about the Heroic Journey either. It’s a theme in our Disney movies, it’s based in mythology, and to some extent we are always going through heroic journeys in life. 

But, the big ones? The BIG BIG BIG Heroic Journeys? Those are the ones that change your life. Shift your perspective forever, and without sounding too cliche – make you a different person. 

I wrote down the basics of what the heroic journey is in my journal when I first started giving this some thought. 

These are my interpretations, and I’m sure someone can spell it out more eloquently, but here’s what I wrote down. 

First, we live in a world that seems sufficient. 

It’s safe and comfortable, and we are part of a community that keeps us that way. There isn’t much boundary pushing going on because this stage of the journey is all about conforming. Keeping up with the status quo and being good right where we are. 

But, then we feel a longing we can’t explain. 

As my therapist pointed out – this theme is in a lot of Disney movies. In Tangled, she wants to leave her mom’s clutches in the tower, Moana wants to venture out past the dangerous part of the sea, Frozen even has a song called Into the Unknown. You get the idea. 

For people that go on the BIG hero’s journey (and not everyone does) they have the courage to leave home because they are longing for something more in their lives. They are curious. Questioning. And pushing the boundary to leave. 

Some people never do. They push up against that invisible boundary of their home forever, often stifling their true self and never leaving the familiar. Usually – if they’ve felt that longing and don’t go, they end up anxious or depressed. 

Going on the journey is a good thing. 

While on the journey, they are usually wounded in some way. 

A part of yourself may even die on the journey. You pushed past the safe and predictable, and there will be injury along the way. Maybe it’s internal or external, but there are most certainly conflicts here in this stage. Whether it be someone disagreeing with your choice to leave home, or whether it’s your own inner turmoil of feeling lost.

We are broken down and a part of ourselves dies. 

It’s in the injury and the brokenness that we find our true soul. 

We find our real life we’ve been longing for. We find a wholeness we’ve been seeking, and we find the thing that was pulling us to go there all along. For me, I feel like it’s about finding myself. The person I was always meant to be. 

Last, the hero returns home. 

There is this longing with the hero to return home (with new eyes) and share what they’ve learned. There is never a giving up of yourself again at this stage or going back to what you were before. I imagine it as being what you were always meant to be all along. Maybe it’s even returning home to yourself? 

Richard Rohr says that the heroic question to ask yourself when you’re nearing the end of your journey is “What to do with your new, resurrected life?  

This is the million dollar question for me that I don’t have answers to just yet. It even keeps me up at night wondering how to navigate my worldview when I’m in the middle of the broken part of my journey. 

The beautiful part is we can still honor where we came from. Coming out of this journey isn’t about belittling or shaming ourselves about where we came from or about the way we used to think. 

We can still love what got us to go on the heroic journey in the first place. 

So, as I was discussing this hero’s journey with my therapist, I realized that it’s a beautiful thing to be the hero in our own story. 

Who is worth saving more than ourselves? If we can find that wholeness that we are looking for, and answer the call from within to seek and find what is out there calling us, we will save ourselves in the process. 

I asked my therapist in our session about those that don’t seem to have that longing. Those that are seemingly complacent and happy in the first step. Maybe they never leave, or maybe they feel the longing but don’t follow it. What about them? How can I interact with them – especially if they are someone that is so close to me that I want to share my new feelings and thoughts and whole-ness with? 

And the answer is simple and obvious. We honor them for where they decide to land, too. 

We all have our own unique personalities that impact whether or not we take the hero’s journey in the first place. 

It’s a beautiful thing to be a seeker. To desire more, and to be open to learning new things and leaving dogmatic thinking behind. It’s scary for sure, and it’s often wrought with heartache and turmoil in the process, but it’s beautiful to venture into the unknown. 

I will admit that while being on this journey, I have felt that a part of me has died. I’m still mourning her while simultaneously sitting in awe at the beauty in her simplistic belief system. We can love that part of ourselves that was happy at home in the comfort and security and love the part of ourselves that chooses to seek. 

Whatever it is you might be going through that’s forcing you to make hard decisions, leave all the things you knew behind, and venture into the dark and scary world – just know I’m right there with you on a different path, my own journey, but we both deserve to be the heroes in our own lives. 

I’m a seeker. I’m on this heroic journey. It’s breaking me, maybe even killing a part of me, but I realize now this is how I’m going to be found. 


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
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But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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