To my kid that feels really alone,
I know there will be times in your life when you feel like you’re the only one feeling the way you are right now. I know, because I’ve had those times in my life, too. I’ve had them a lot in fact. I think it’s part of being human.
But, even though it’s a part of being human, it’s still heartbreaking to feel that way. It’s sad. And scary. And it’s an isolating feeling.
I know there will be times that you can’t imagine that anyone else has ever experienced what you are going through right now. Whether it be heartbreak, or friend problems, or problems at home. I know that it feels like you’re the only one that feels these feelings.
It’s tempting when you’re feeling like that to go to a really dark place.
A place where maybe you possibly imagine eliminating that pain somehow. Or a really dark place where you might think it would be better if you just disappeared all together.
Maybe you think things like:
No one would miss me.
No one cares.
No one has ever felt like this. So, what does it matter?
I know when you feel like that you might be tempted to feel like there is no one on this earth that understands.
Maybe you won’t trust me enough to tell me what you’re feeling. I get it. I don’t like it – but I get it.
But, what I want you to know is that there is someone on this earth that has felt like this before, too.
I can promise you this. You aren’t alone. Someone has felt this way before too. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s a sibling or a friend. Maybe it’s a stranger that lives on the other side of the world. But, the truth is, most feelings that we go through are feelings that others have felt too. So take comfort in that if you can.
But, more importantly – reach out. Tell someone. Ask for advice.
I hope you’ll try coming to me first, because despite being strict, or annoying, or maybe out of touch – I do remember being a kid. A teenager. A young adult and having some very alone feelings. Feelings that made me feel like I had absolutely no one in the world.
But, if you can’t go to me, I hope you’ll go to someone you know personally.
Someone you trust.
Especially if someone pops into your head in those dark times that you think maybe you can trust – it might be that little internal voice we all have that is telling you to not just walk to that person but to RUN. Because they probably do know. Or they probably can help.
To be honest – as an adult, I can still sometimes go to this place mentally at times.
I can still fall into the trap of thinking that I’m all alone. That I don’t matter. That I am not worthy of love. That no one cares.
I sometimes spiral into feelings of self-hatred, or shame. I sometimes wonder if I really have any friends, or if people are just pretending. But, let me tell you something I’ve realized.
Our minds can play tricks on us.
We can get swept up in feelings of fear, self-doubt, shame, and self-hatred. It’s actually really really easy to feel alone. What’s a little harder is feeling connected when we are struggling. Because that takes work, and vulnerability and bravery to open up and tell someone we are hurting.
But, try to remember that sometimes your mind might try to trick you into believing you’re not important.
You are though.
You’re important to me (yeah yeah, I know moms are supposed to say that) but you’re important to the world.
Friends come and go, and sometimes we do go through lonely times.
There might be times when you don’t have a group of friends. Maybe you feel weird or different. Maybe you feel like you’re the only one that thinks the way you do. That’s normal. You WILL find your people eventually. It might take a while. Instead, use the time when you feel alone to find you.
Because by finding you, you’ll actually find your people. I can promise you that.
There is no one else like you.
No one that thinks the same thoughts. No one that can do the same things. No one that can be YOU. That’s pretty special. And it’s worth hanging on to.
As you get older, life gets harder. It sucks, but it just does. You fall in and out of love. You lose friends. You lose jobs, or make big mistakes. You struggle with school, and with work. There are hard things ahead and it is easy to get tripped up when life isn’t always smooth sailing.
It’s easy to believe the negative about ourselves. It’s easy to believe that we are alone.
If you’re feeling this – take a step back from your phone. Social media is a trap that can make you believe everyone is out there having fun and you’re alone. It will suck you in so easily.
To fight that, turn toward the people that love you most in real life when you’re feeling this way. Get out in nature. Make art. Do something you love that is just for you.
If I can offer any consolation, it’s this. Even when we’re alone. We’re not.
There are people in this world that need us. There are people that love you. There are people in this world that can help. There are people that care.
And, if you feel like you just can’t trust anyone with whatever you’re feeling, pray. Trust God. Try to hang on. Know that if no one else understands, HE does.
And, you’re never ever alone. Even though it might feel like it right now.
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