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Mom Life Parenting Parenting Tips

What Is Positive Language? Here’s Why Using Positive Language with Kids Matters

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Positive language matters with kids. As a parenting technique positive language instead of negative language offers quite a few benefits for your family, including better behavior and more confident children.

What is Positive Language? 

To put it simply, positive language is switching your words from negative to positive. As parents, we are always teaching our kids that words matter – because they do!

Positive language inspires, encourages, and is helpful. Words like don’t, can’t, and won’t aren’t used in positive language. Most negative phrases can simply be swapped to put a more positive spin on any circumstance. 

Why is Positive Language Important with children? 

In a world full of can’ts and don’ts and no’s, positive language allows your child to focus on what they can do.

This encourages them to develop a positive mindset in general, as well as provides them with a clear idea of your expectations. Incorporate positive language into your parenting and start seeing the benefits in your own child. 

If you can incorporate positive language into your parenting, your kids will feel empowered by your expectations instead of weight down by them. They will be able to face problems head on with the confidence that they can solve the problem themselves. 

So, how do you start using positive language? 

First, shift your language from don’t to do.

Positive language is all about shifting the focus and relaying your expectations in a clear and concise way.

Start using more positive language when speaking to your child by thinking about what it is you want them to do instead of what you don’t want them to do.

It’s easy to blurt out, “Stop running!” However, this only tells a child what you don’t want them doing, and it’s akin to telling someone not to think of an elephant in the room.

The brain is wired to immediately think of nothing but that elephant. Set your child up for success and enjoy better behavior by being clear about what you want your child to be focusing on instead. It might surprise you how well kids listen when you use positive language in every day life. 

Second, use short, instructional positive language phrases with kids.

According to modern research, we can only remember a few things at a time. LiveScience estimates the average is four things at a time with a maximum of seven.

When talking to your child, it’s good to keep this in mind. Not only are they developing the skills to remember rules and expectations long-term, but they are also developing those short-term memory skills, too. 

Instead of presenting your child with a long list of instructions, use short phrases instead. Break down complex tasks into steps and check-in with your child along the way.

Little girl and her mother in kitchen giving high five. Mother and daughter in kitchen cooking. Positive language kids

Positive Language Examples To Use With Kids

Positive language is less about changing how you parent than adjusting the way you talk to your child. The language we use to communicate with our kids directly impacts how their perceive their world.

The more positively we communicate with them, the most positively they will perceive the world. 

Here are positive language phrases to use with your kids that will make an impact.

You simply need to use this negative words to positive words list to help you make a shift in your positive parenting. 

Stop running! → Walk, please. 

Don’t hit your sister! → Use nice touches.

Don’t get up from the table yet. → Stay at the table until we’re all finished eating.

Stop yelling! → Use your inside voice, please. We can still hear you without yelling.

Don’t whine! → Please use your big kid words.

Don’t get upset! → It’s OK to feel sad.

Don’t get out of your bed! → I know you can stay in your bed all night.

You can’t have that! → This is for grown ups.

Don’t be mean to your brother! → Be polite to your brother.

Do I need to separate you? → I think you need a break. 

It’s not hard. → I know you can do hard things.

Stop being angry! → You’re allowed to be upset.

Don’t give up. → Keep going! You can do it. 

Don’t…. → I like it when…

Did you know there are positive body language examples you can use with your kids, too? 

When talking with kids, it’s important to use positive body language too so that they know you are there to help, encourage, and inspire them. 

Here are a few examples of positive language with your body you can use while parenting: 

Kneel down to their level. 

Make eye contact. 

Look happy to see them when they enter a room. 

Lean in, give them a hug, or open your arms to them when they are upset. 

Let them sit with you on the couch. 

Give 8 second hugs. 

Use a controlled tone of voice. 

Smile at your kids when they’re talking to you, or try to relax your face. 

Keep arms relaxed and open – not crossed. 

Another way to use positive language with kids is through complimenting them. 

Kids need to feel encouraged, loved, and seen. That’s the key to positive parenting! But, even as adults, we like to be recognized for our accomplishments. 

Kids are the same way, they love to hear positive things they are getting right way more than things that they need to improve. Try using these 17 positive parenting techniques to get started. 

In addition, use positive phrases with your kids regularly that also compliment them like, 

I’m proud of you! 

You’re so brave.

I saw when you shared with your sister, good job! 

You are trying really hard and I can see that. 

Thank you for helping. 

You are a fast learner! 

I don’t know about you, but positive language is not something that comes naturally so I’m excited to start some of these techniques with my own kids. The good thing is that it’s never too late to help your kids become more confident, empathetic humans.

Using positive language with kids is the secret to doing just that. 

PINTEREST IMAGE OF MOM AND DAUGHTER IN KITCHEN HIGH FIVE


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
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New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
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I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

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It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

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Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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