Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Mom Life Parenting Perfection

When Does Parenting Get Less Exhausting? Newsflash – Never.

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When does parenting get less exhausting? The answer, unfortunately, is never. 

But despite that super depressing news, I do have some hope for you to help you get through those early years of sleepless nights and realize that being chronically exhausted is part of the whole experience and I can tell you that even though it never really ends, the chronic fatigue of parenting will eventually ease up a bit. That part is true. 

The exhaustion new parents face is real.

Let’s talk about those early years. The newborn days can be super rough. The baby stage does not come with a lot of deep sleep, and you have very little time to yourself. Sleep is but a distant memory, and you find yourself operating in what I like to call “zombie mode” during the newborn stage.  

Now, don’t get me wrong, those baby cuddles are precious, and sometimes I still dream about them, but they come at a cost. It’s a rollercoaster of sleepless nights, diaper changes that defy the laws of physics, and the constant worry that you’re doing it all wrong. 

The sleep deprivation that happens when they are teething, or decide to be wide awake at 2 am is no joke. Make sure to take care of your mental health during this time.

I know there’s a temptation to be productive when the baby is asleep, but the exhaustion of new mothers is something that you have to be careful with. 

A chronic lack of sleep because of a new baby can lead to postpartum depression issues, anxiety, and a whole other host of problems just from being overly tired. 

Sleep when the baby sleeps sounds cliche, but it’s crucial to reach out to family members, get some help, and take those naps during the baby years. 

The toddler years can be just as rough. 

Fast forward a bit, and you hit the toddler stage. The terrible twos (and even threes) – they’re not called that for nothing. It’s like living with a tiny dictator who has a knack for testing your sanity.

The sleep battles continue, and you start to wonder if coffee should be classified as a food group. Toddlers are sleeping through the night, but you have new challenges. 

Sometimes they have nighttime fears, want to crawl into bed with you, or even fight being moved to their new big boy or big girl bed. Their sleep cycles are better, but you’re still at risk for some major parental burnout if you aren’t careful in this stage of transition. 

I believe every parent has to do what’s best for them. 

So that may involve co-sleeping, or not. Keeping them in their crib a little longer than what other parents are doing because it’s helpful for you, or even just setting up a bed at the foot of your own so you don’t have to go through nighttime battles of putting them into bed over and over and over again.

But, those middle-of-the-night struggles can take a toll. 

Make sure you’re thinking about the long-term consequences of whatever you decide to do at this stage. Sometimes when you form habits with little kids like co-sleeping they turn into bad big kids habits. 

​The magical age of older kids that are still young children. 

As your little tyrant grows, so does your chance for a breather. Elementary school years bring a new set of challenges, but you start to regain a semblance of sanity. 

Homework becomes a thing, extracurricular activities take over your calendar, and you find yourself chauffeuring a pint-sized socialite to playdates and soccer practice. The good news is, you’re all probably sleeping through the night, and the baby blues are over.

But, now you’re exhausted from all the social activities. 

Leaning on your support network is just as crucial to avoid parent burnout and the chronic exhaustion. Those early days are rough, but now as your kids get older you start to have bigger kid worries. 

At this age, I worried so much about screen time. Yes, I was getting longer stretches of hours of sleep, but there are still plenty of worries at this stage.

This can be about whether or not they are doing well in school, eating healthy foods, having friend issues, and how you’re going to get everyone where they need to go all at the same time. It feels like a full-time job on top of your full-time job to meet the demands of everyone in your crew. 

The best parent knows that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

Give yourself grace to face the new challenges. Girl drama can start in kindergarten, and when they want to spend more time with friends than with you, that’s hard.

You find that now that you’re sleeping through the night, your anxiety is in overdrive from the constant demands during the day, and the worry that keeps you up at night. 

The teenage years bring a different level of parental exhaustion. 

The teen years bring hormones, drama, and the sudden realization that you’re no longer the fountain of all knowledge anymore. This news may hit you like a ton of bricks.

But here’s the twist – as your teenager becomes more independent, you might find yourself with a smidge more free time. Sounds amazing right? 

But, it never truly gets less exhausting. Yep, you heard me right. Parenthood is a lifelong gig, and the fatigue is just part of the package deal. However, here’s the silver lining: it does get different.

Sure, the physical demands may ease up a tad, but the mental gymnastics? They’re here to stay. 

The worries evolve from diaper blowouts to college applications, and you’ll find yourself Googling “how to survive parenting a teenager” instead of “how to get a baby to sleep through the night.”

You’ll worry about when to let them get on social media, and how safe of a driver they are. 

For me, my high school kids come alive at night just as I’m taking my last deep breaths of the day and wanting to melt into bed.

They suddenly want to come into my room and gab and laugh and show me funny (and weird) videos on their phones and I’m just trying to keep my eyes open through it all. I don’t want to miss out on the bonding time with my big kids, but at the same time, kids, can you give me enough sleep to feel like I can do it all over again tomorrow!??

When you have a young adult child, trust me you’re still tired.

Hear me out – you’re past the age of two-year-olds and school-age kids, and your teenagers turned out ok. But, while the days of trying to learn how to be first-time parents and sleep regressions are long gone, your sleep schedule may still be wonky.

You’re adult child is calling you at all hours of the night, and now you’re in the thick of being middle aged and if you’re like me – you’re probably starting to wake up with hot flashes. Fun!

There is always a constant need that comes with being a parent. Whether physical or mental – it doesn’t matter. Parenting never ends. 

Trying to be the perfect parent will make you exhausted too.

Although parenting brings us so much joy, the lifestyle changes that come along with being a parent can lead to chronic fatigue. The thing I want to remind any parent about is that experts say you only need to get it right 30% of the time to be a successful parent. In fact, I’d argue that we all need to embrace being a good enough mother more often.  

I don’t want to downplay that it’s incredibly hard to parent these days with all the demands on us. Modern parenting is rough. 

Single parents, families that have a lack of support, and parents with all sorts of other challenges like special needs, mental health issues, emotional problems, etc. Parents of little kids grow up to have young adults with real big problems.

This really isn’t a contest to find the most exhausting age of parenting. The demands of parenting never end. 

Just by nature, the challenges of parenthood make us tired.

But, trying to be perfect will just lead to higher levels of stress. Instead a great way to feel less exhausted at any stage of parenting, is to reach out to your support network, or get professional help if necessary. And, for the love – stop trying to be perfect.

We all need help, none of us are perfect, negative feelings are NORMAL when you’re dealing with physical exhaustion, and fatigue happens at all the different stages of parenting. 

We should all stop trying to be perfect parents and just be real ones. That alone will help us sleep better at night and avoid that parental fatigue. Because we’re all doing the best we can. 

So, when does parenting get less exhausting? 

The truth is, it’s a perpetual ebb and flow. Some days, you’ll feel like you’ve got it all together, and other days, you’ll question if you’re cut out for this gig. But hey, that’s the beauty of it – the messy, unpredictable, utterly exhausting beauty.

If you came here to this post because you feel like you’re in the most difficult stage of parenting let me tell you – you’re right. It’s hard work. All of it. Every stage.

But, despite all the tough moments and the nights where you only get a couple of hours of sleep, you’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you’ll be sleeping again and start to feel more like yourself. I promise. 

In the meantime, my friends, take a page from the parenting journey playbook: embrace the chaos, find humor in the messiness, and for the love of sanity, don’t forget to sneak in a moment of self-care. Whether it’s a hot cup of coffee or a guilty pleasure TV show, give yourself that well-deserved break. 

In this wild journey of parenthood, the only thing more exhausting than raising tiny humans is forgetting to take care of yourself along the way.

Parent on, my fellow warriors, and remember – you’re doing better than you think.


Don’t forget to grab my book, The Mother Load if you like conversations like these about motherhood, the mental load, and mental health. And I’d LOVE if you’d go follow me on Substack, too.


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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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