Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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If You’ve Ever Thought, I hate my life as a mom and wife, you’re not alone

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Hey there friend, I know life can be tough sometimes, but I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling like you hate your life as a mom and a wife. Being a mom and a wife can be a lot of work, and it’s understandable that you might feel overwhelmed at times. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all had those feelings.

I want to remind you that it’s okay to feel this way, and there’s no shame in admitting it. Sometimes saying out loud what we’re going through is the first step in getting over those hard feelings and moving on from them.

It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and not brush them aside or suppress them.

If you’re feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, it’s important to address those emotions and try to understand where they’re coming from. So, let’s dive into why you might be feeling this way.

mom at computer with toddler next to her and her head is in her hands overwhelmed mom hate your life as a mom and a wife

One reason you might hate your life as a mom and wife is that you’re not getting the support you need.

Being a mom and a wife can be a lot of work, and it’s crucial to have a strong support system in place. If you’re not getting the help you need from your spouse or family, it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

The mental load of motherhood is intense and we all struggle to keep all the things going that we need to in order to keep a house running, kids safe, and be mentally well ourselves.

Another reason you might hate your life as a mom and wife is that you’re not taking care of yourself.

It’s easy to put yourself last when you’re busy taking care of others, but self-care is essential for your mental health and well-being. Whether it’s taking a long bath, going for a walk, or indulging in a hobby you love, it’s essential to make time for yourself.

And no, a trip alone to Target doesn’t have to count as your self care if that doesn’t make you feel restored and rejuvenated. Make sure you aren’t selling yourself short when it comes to self-care. A shower is not self care.

Additionally, it’s possible that you might be struggling with feelings of guilt or inadequacy.

It’s common to feel like you’re not doing enough or not being the perfect mom or wife. But the truth is, no one is perfect, and it’s okay to make mistakes. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s all anyone can ask for. I’ve struggled with perfectionism too, and it can definitely lead you to hating your life as a mom or a wife.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

People are so quick to judge if we dare say out loud that motherhood is miserable sometimes. But, sometimes it can feel that way. And, no you’re not a bad mom if you feel that way from time to time.

But, what you can do to improve your situation if you hate your life as a mom and a wife?

First and foremost, it’s crucial to communicate your feelings to your spouse or family members.

Let them know how you’re feeling and what you need from them. Whether it’s help with the kids or just some time to yourself, it’s essential to be clear about your needs. If you can tell someone you feel like you’re drowning, or that you never get a break from the kids, and you desperately need one, odds are that someone is going to be willing to jump in and help.

Another thing you can do is to make self-care a priority.

Schedule time for yourself, whether it’s a few minutes each day or a few hours each week. Make sure to do something you enjoy and that makes you feel good. The key is finding something that rejuvenates and restores you.

What self-care would you do if you had zero responsibilities and no kids to worry about? What makes you feel alive, or the most like you? That’s the self-care you should try to get for yourself some how.

It’s also important to remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings of guilt or inadequacy, but it’s important to remember that you’re doing the best you can with the resources and time you have. Give yourself grace and remember that it’s okay to make mistakes.

Lastly, if you’re still struggling with your feelings, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.

They can help you work through your emotions and provide you with the tools you need to improve your situation. There is no shame at all in seeking out help from a professional. I’ve done it, and it will only help you be the best mom you can be for your kids.

In conclusion, being a mom and a wife can be a lot of work, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed or unhappy at times.

But it’s important to acknowledge your feelings and address them.

Communicate your needs, make self-care a priority, and remember that you’re doing the best you can. You’re not alone in this, and there’s no shame in seeking help if you need it. You’ve got this, and I’m here rooting for you.

And if you really are still struggling I hope you’ll grab my new book, The Mother Load. It’s probably exactly what you need.


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  1. da-AL says

    May 29, 2023 at 10:36 am

    Hi Meredith – so glad I stumbled onto your great site. I would be thrilled if you’d write a guest blog post for my site, which is for anyone who loves culture, compassion, writing, and books. If you think it might be fun or helpful to have my followers (who total about 10k across my various social media) meet you, here’s the link for general guidelines: https://wp.me/p6OZAy-1eQ – best – da-AL

    Reply

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
Same girl, same. Same girl, same.
Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy Yep. 😂 @sixfootcandy
Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth Sounds about right. @theimpatientsloth
My newest post. I hope you’ll read it. Link to S My newest post. I hope you’ll read it. Link to Substack in profile.
😂😂 @fiftyfirsttates 😂😂 @fiftyfirsttates
So true. And the ones that live close you do the s So true. And the ones that live close you do the same thing because schedules never line up! Tag your besties. @tragicallyhere
Load More Follow on Instagram

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