Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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Encouragement Humor In the Motherhood Inspiration

Five Names We REALLY Should Be Giving The Strong Willed Child Instead

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You know you have a strong willed child if something that should take 20 minutes takes eleventy billion, and if every day seems like a battle of wills. My son takes an hour and a half to do a 30 minute music lesson on the days when he’s just not feeling it because, well – he can. He’s advanced that way.

And while people (that aren’t raising our child with us) like to paint the term strong-willed child as a positive thing and tell us that they will grow up to be “the best adults ever”, we still don’t want to hear it in the moment when we’re fighting over what to wear to school, or whether or not ketchup is a vegetable. 

You see, we KNOW that our strong willed kids are fantastic human beings, but it’s still exhausting raising them.

And, whether you call them a future leader, or confident, or whatever pretty words you want to use to help out that tired parent raising a strong willed child, the truth is we’re tired.

And, these are the REAL descriptions parents who are raising a strong willed child might use. 

Shit Show Coordinator

If anything is going to turn into a shit show, you better believe that your strong willed child will be behind it coordinating all the key players, and making sure that all hell breaks loose. He will be the one to come up with the terrible ideas with his friends like tying a leash to the cat, or painting your deck with gold spray paint (that really happened). And, his friends will go along because he is the ring leader of the circus. 

Life (Or Death) Of The Party

I don’t know about your strong willed child, but my strong willed child is either the life of the party, or the death of it. If he’s in a good mood, he lights up a room. If he is giving everyone the stink eye, he could kill the buzz of a frat boy at his first keg party. His mood can change at lightning speed making it impossible to know how to approach almost every situation. At least he makes things interesting. That’s one word for it at least. 

Stubborn As Hell

Strong willed almost seems like an understatement for what you go through on the daily as a parent with a kid like this. There is NO convincing a child that is strong willed to do literally anything that is not their own idea. And it doesn’t even matter if your idea is the best one ever. If it’s not your strong willed child’s idea, forget about it.

Eat a popsicle? Nah. He’s good. He wants pie instead. 

Watch 8 hours of TV in a  row? Nope. He’d like to draw instead. 

You get the idea. 

It’s exhausting to parent someone that basically wants to parent himself from the moment he exits the womb. My strong willed child was four days late being born. I’m pretty sure that was even his idea.  

The Teacher Of Patience

If you’ve ever had to talk your strong willed child into anything, you’ll know it takes creativity like you’ve never had before, and patience like Mother Teresa herself. Strong willed children are the ultimate teachers, really. They teach us about our limits and when our spirits will ultimately break. They teach us about forgiveness and what it looks like to lead unwilling participates. They teach us about ourselves and they teach us that we too are stronger than we ever realized. 

Life Suckers 

All kids are life suckers to an extent, but the strong willed child will make you feel like you’ve lost your will to live. All it takes is one knock down, drag out fight over bedtime, or what to pack in the lunchbox, or what color the sky is, and you will question whether or not you can survive another day raising that strong willed child of yours. So, let’s go ahead and give them their real title – the one who sucks out your will to live with every passing day. 

Maybe you call yours “the one that makes me drink”, or “the one that pushed me over the edge.” Whatever it is, we won’t judge. 

Because, I don’t know about you, but deep down I know they’re right. I know this strong willed kid of mine will be a leader, or invent something ground breaking, or force people to do what he wants them to and end up becoming a dictator of his own small country. 

I mean whatever it is, I’ll be honest – I’ll be proud of him. But, it still doesn’t make raising him any easier right now. So, solidarity, my friends. I know what it’s like to have your spirit broken by a strong willed child. It happens to me almost every day. Stay strong. 

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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