Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

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I Love You But You Also Infuriate Me – A Parenting Story

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In all the parenting books I read to prepare for parenting, there was one thing for certain. I never knew that on a beautiful crisp fall morning, I’d look over at my six year old (who just happens to be the youngest) and think to myself – I love you but you also infuriate me. 

I don’t think it’s his fault per se. Yes, he was doing the annoying behavior, and just happened to be dressed in a wildly bright colored outfit including crazy socks for crazy socks day, so that didn’t help his case. But, I think it’s 12 years of parenting under my belt that finally made me think that thought.

I love you but you also infuriate me.

I think that his actions in that moment made me come to the realization that not only is it OK to not like your kids sometimes, but sometimes they can simultaneously infuriate you beyond belief.

It might have been the fact that he was wandering from room to room aimlessly while he was supposed to be getting ready for school. Or it could just be the fact that parenting pushes you to the edge of every single emotion you could possibly feel.

Extreme love beyond belief? Check. Extreme infuriation at a tiny human you created at the exact same moment? Check check.

The intense rainbow of emotions I can feel at any given moment sometimes trick me into thinking that I wasn’t cut out for this and it’s all my fault. I have to literally scream at myself and say to myself – STOP DOING THIS you crazy woman! Your kids are freaking annoying sometimes, Meredith. 

But, it gives you pause when in one moment you’re looking at that cute freckle above their nose wondering how you created something so perfect, and in a split second they start doing the river dance in your living room when they are supposed to be practicing piano.

You wonder – oh my gosh how do I love this person so much and also become totally annoyed simultaneously by the way he chews with his mouth open? 

And, just a side note – this totally applies to husbands (and wives) as well.

So, for the mamas out there that are lovingly gazing into their child’s eyes while he burps the alphabet and are totally disgusted and feel like they can’t quite pinpoint where they are going wrong – know this:

You can love someone and be totally infuriated in the exact same instant and still be a good mom.

You can love the little one that crawls into your bed at two in the morning and still be totally frustrated and annoyed.

Parenting is a lot of hard work. And, sometimes it can be totally overwhelming and frustrating. It's OK to admit the hard parts of motherhood suck, and this blog will encourage you to believe you're still a #goodmom despite being annoyed. #momlife #motherhooduncensored

And to be clear, you can be infuriated in lots of instances and still be a good mom. I totally believe there are seasons of parenting to this whole gig. Those early years are like the crux of cuteness and bonding and laughing  at their cuteness because it’s beguiling that your whole world is upside down and backwards and new.

But, when you reach the middle stage of parenting, it becomes a little more hazy. You start to have conversations with yourself like – how can this smart, and bright kid make such a huge mistake and how am I supposed to love him through this? 

Or you wonder things on a regular basis, how is it possible after everything I’ve taught you that you are still inept? or why do you seem hell bent on torturing your sister? Or sneaking around behind my back? Or finally reaching out to cuddle me at the exact moment I want you to leave me alone?

This middle years of parenting where they aren’t little but they aren’t big are so weird.

I spend a lot of my days right now in the – I love you but you infuriate me – state of being.

Does it make me a bad mom that these kids might annoy me right now more than I ooh and aah over them? Nah. I think that’s just the stage we’re trying to muddle our way through.

Parenting is a lot of hard work. And, sometimes it can be totally overwhelming and frustrating. It's OK to admit the hard parts of motherhood suck, and this blog will encourage you to believe you're still a #goodmom despite being annoyed. #momlife #motherhooduncensored

This will be the next parenting book I write. How to survive the infuriating aspects of parenting. The pee on the seats, and the toothpaste cap behind the toilet. How to survive the times when your kids decide that their favorite Imagine Dragons song is the one that they need to play at full volume in the next room for 27 days straight, and how to go to your happy place when the six year old decides to learn how to dribble a basketball in your kitchen.

Those aren’t the world’s worst problems that a parent can face in this whole parenting game. But, they are the annoying ones.

The ones we don’t often talk about. The ones that make us feel like a crappy parent if we give voice to – because we are supposed to love our kids all the time and never be *gasp* annoyed by them.

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s crap. Kids are annoying. The little stuff is little stuff, but it can still make you feel like a bad parent when you go to bed at night and realized that you were more annoyed than loving that day.

But, you’re still a good mom (or dad) if your kid loves you and infuriates you at the same time.

I know this because despite being annoyed more often than I’m overwhelmed with their preciousness these days, I still manage to love my kids and do a pretty damn good job being a parent. And, I’m sure you do too.

 

Parenting is a lot of hard work. And, sometimes it can be totally overwhelming and frustrating. It's OK to admit the hard parts of motherhood suck, and this blog will encourage you to believe you're still a #goodmom despite being annoyed. #momlife #motherhooduncensored


Meredith Ethington is a writer and a mom to three, trying to help her kids understand sarcasm and her need for personal space. Meredith’s debut parenting book, Mom Life: Perfection Pending, provides an uplifting yet realistic look at all that is expected of moms in the 21st century and is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at Absolute Love Publishing. She proudly writes for many of her favorite parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Babble, Momtastic, and on her own blog. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.

 


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  1. The Letter Your Teenager Wishes He Could Write You - Perfection Pending says:
    December 26, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    […] I Love You But You Also Infuriate Me – A Parenting Story […]

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  2. Girl, Don't Shower For Days. We Get You. - Perfection Pending says:
    January 10, 2019 at 7:51 pm

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    January 10, 2019 at 10:38 pm

    […] – I still get annoyed by the raising humans aspect of my job. They infuriate me some days as much as I love them, but I didn’t expect how in a single moment – I could […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

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Meredith Ethington

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
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