Perfection Pending

By Meredith Ethington

  • My Books
    • The Mother Load
    • Mom Life: Perfection Pending – The Book
    • Free eBook: Sometimes Motherhood Sucks
    • How To Grow Your FB Following
  • Motherhood
    • Inspiration
    • Encouragement
    • Childhood
    • Humor
    • Parenting Memes
    • Friendship
    • Marriage
  • Kid Ideas
    • Recipes
    • Practical Tips
    • Babies & Toddlers
    • teens and tweens
    • The Elementary School Years
  • Mental Health
    • Mental Health
    • Anxiety
  • About
    • Favorite Posts
    • My Portfolio
    • Privacy & Disclosures

Encouragement Motherhood Parenting teens and tweens

Motherhood is Magic. But, It’s Also Pain.

1 shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

Last night I woke up in a sweat from a  bad dream. My daughter was being taken away from me. Put into foster care because people were questioning whether or not I was a fit mother. The details are fuzzy, as dreams often are, but I didn’t feed her enough. She was underweight. And someone reported me through the school system. 

The dream felt so real that when I woke up, it was an immediate relief. 

My daughter is 14. 

Yet, somehow my subconscious mind was, and probably always will be, wrestling with whether or not I’m a good mother. 

Whether I’m fit enough. Whether I’m capable. Whether or not I’m ruining them or not. 

The thing is, now that my kids are getting older, I think I question myself more than ever. Before when they were babies, I could see the magic in every day moments. 

The toddler saying, “I wuv you, Mommy.” for the first time. 

Teaching them to walk, and what it means to say thank you and please. 

The jumping in puddles and looking for grasshoppers on long walks around the block to kill time. 

The kissing of boo boos and the fixing of scraped knees seems somehow now like a magical time. 

The fact that I even get to be a mama feels magical some days still. 

But, as they grow, the pain grows too. The magic slips away a little more. 

Sure, there are magical moments. But, they are farther and fewer between as we navigate teenage kids and tweens that are finding their own way. 

There is more conflict. Not over who has whose toy, but about whether or not they are grown up enough to walk somewhere on their own, or stay up late with friends and still make it to school the next day. 

Whether or not one is being more annoying than the other. 

We butt heads constantly, and I find myself falling asleep exhausted. 

Not the same as those early years where the exhaustion was so physical from the demands of little babes saying, “hold you.” when they meant, “hold me.” 

Not the same as the long years through breastfeeding and sleepless nights. 

Not the same as the constant teaching of how to eat, how to sleep, and whether or not they should wear pants. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But, an exhaustion down to my core – am I good enough? Are they learning enough? Will they be able to be set free? 

I worry about their friendships, or lack thereof. 

I worry about screen time, and smart phones, and how one of them will be driving before I know it. 

I worry about whether or not I’m pushing too hard on academics, and whether or not I’m teaching my youngest the value of hard work. 

These things are mentally exhausting, and the balls to juggle are less magical. 

I am exhausted wondering who they will be. What if they fail?

What if I’ve failed. 

I’m looking back with rose colored glasses, of course. Everything about the baby and toddler years was not magic at all. 

But, these years are hard, too. They are magical sometimes. But, mostly hard.

And it’s during these hard years that it feels more painful. The pain of watching a breakup with a friend. The pain of watching them fail. The pain of watching them struggle. The pain of disappointing them. The pain of having to say no, even when you want to say yes because you know it’s for their good. 

Motherhood is magic, but it’s also pain. 

I know the magic will come back one day as they do amazing things. I know the payoff will be worth it. I know that they will make me proud, grow, surprise me, and do things like marry, and build careers, and hopefully have grandkids one day that will bring the magic back full circle. 

But, I wish we could talk about the pain more. I don’t know why. I guess it’s because the magic is the highlight reel, and the pain underneath is where the real growth in motherhood happens. 

It’s where I learn patience and that I can’t control everything. 

It’s where I learn to sit back and watch. 

It’s where I learn to comfort a pain that I can’t take away. 

The pain is where I learn to be “Mom” instead of “Mommy.” 

It’s where I learn to let go of my own insecurities and trust that it will all work out somehow. Maybe. But, if not, that’s going to teach me something, too. 

The pain is where I accept that they don’t need me as much, too. 

It’s where I learn to find me again, because for a while there I may have lost her. 

Maybe that’s magic, too. 


2 Comments

« Parenting Is Full Of Doubts
Why Sometimes I Let My Kids Quit »

Comments

  1. Branwyn Pinkerton says

    October 2, 2020 at 7:32 am

    I too have a fourteen-year-old daughter and I really appreciated this post. Thank you.

    Reply
  2. Heather says

    October 3, 2020 at 4:34 am

    I absolutely love your honesty. I have these moments too and my son is only 7. Our current struggle is with him reading. I work it up in my head the fear of him never learning to read. My husband reminds me it’s crazy talk and that everyone eventually learns to read. Kind of like how I used to remind myself that 15 year olds don’t wear diapers (oh the struggles of potty training) 😆 so instead I try to remind myself to pray. I pray for his reading, friends and future. I pray he has godly friends that encourage him in his journey of faith and to encourage him to make positive decisions. I pray for him to learn what it takes to be successful in life (which doesn’t always include money)…but real success…joy, peace, family, friends and faith. I pray that God help me to be the best mom I can be and to make me more like Jesus because I’m still a work in progress myself.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Night night! 😤 Night night! 😤
If you missed my last post about how raising teens If you missed my last post about how raising teens can wreck you mentally….wellll this is part of the reason why. So lonely! But we are in this together somehow. 😂 Make sure to check out my latest substack and grab a copy of my book —- The Mother Load!
NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid NEW ---> "When there are problems in these big kid years, it’s no longer really acceptable to call a friend and air the annoyances of the situation. At least not the specifics.

Sure, you can commiserate with a fellow parent about teenagers being the worst.

But, to be honest - they’re not the worst. They’re kind of amazing. But their problems make me tired to my core." 

Read the latest on my substack. I promise you'll relate. ❤️
So sweet. ❤️ Follow me @perfectpending and bet So sweet. ❤️
Follow me @perfectpending and better yet buy my book or subscribe to my substack to support me.
"I don’t know about you, but I don’t really wa "I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want same-ness anymore. I want messy. I want admissions that shit is hard and we don’t have it all together. I want to have a makeup free, messy bun in my sweats run in with a mom friend and not feel worried she’s checking out my un-groomed eyebrows.

I don’t want to try to give off this illusion that I’m control of my life any better than the next person. It’s a shitshow for all of us, and we continue to hide it for fear of what? Being human?"

Read the rest on my Substack. Link in profile.
WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I WHAT IF THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I’LL EVER BE AND I MISS IT? What if I miss the best time of my life. What if it’s right this second?
What if it’s right now while I’m in finals week of grad school, and have a kid that’s sick? 
I already miss so much. The gummy smiles of babes without any teeth. The squeaky voices of 2 year olds. The babbling of a baby that’s just trying so hard to say mama. The grammar mistakes my kids make when they’re talking that I don’t have the heart to correct because I love it too much. 

I miss a lot about those younger years that have already slipped away. My youngest is sick, much like in this picture, but he is too big to snuggle in my arms now when he’s running a fever. 

Today I had the thought, what if this is it? What if this IS the happiest I’ll ever be?
For a moment, I lingered in that thought as I stood over my sink and did the dishes. I started to cry.
Am I missing it? AM I? I felt a tug that maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t relishing enough, and enjoying enough, and being present enough.
But, then I realized, it will never be ENOUGH. 

Read the rest in my substack ❤️
New year, same me. 😂 #mentalhealth #anxiety #de New year, same me. 😂
#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression
"I don't care" as I literally care about every sin "I don't care" as I literally care about every single thing.
I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of th I’ve got to admit - I’m kind of over all of this. *sweeps arm generally at planet earth*

Look, I’ve never been a half glass full kind of gal. I can ALWAYS find the negative in every situation. 

But, right now it’s easy to say that I’m over it. It being.....

The state of our economy. Social media. People being unemployed. People being racist and homophobic. The debate over politics. People judging people. ALLLLLL of it. 

Everything is crap right now. We joke about it a lot. We have to in order to survive. 

It’s the one millionth day of January but Spring feels so far away. 

I’m over these four damn walls that we call home. 

Yeah, I know. Even as I’m typing this it all sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whiney BS. I hear it. I don’t need you to point it out, Karen. 

But, my guess is you’re reading this right now and realizing you’re over it too. Whatever “it” is in your life.

Some days the world feels like total crap. Everything is a mess. Everything costs too much. For E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y. 

Yes, even for you Karen. ➡️➡️ to keep reading.
Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mea Yes. Boundaries are healthy and good. And they mean someone loves you that much to communicate them! Love this wisdom from @wittyidiot
NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a NEW POST ----> "This is not a post about loss of a loved one. Or loss of a child. Those things are real, and they’re heart wrenching. And, this post is certainly not to compare that loss with the one I’m going to talk about.

But, the loss of yourself in motherhood is real. And It’s not talked about enough." 

Do you feel like you lost yourself in motherhood? How? I really want to know. 

Psss - I am in grad school to become a therapist, and am not ashamed to ask that you subscribe to my paid substack. I just lowered the cost to $36/year! That's like $4/month and you'll have access to all my previous posts, and some new weekly short posts to give you ideas to help with balancing motherhood and your own mental health. I'm learning a lot in school, and will only continue to do so, so subscribe and we'll support each other. ❤️
This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣 This memory made me laugh this morning. 🤣
Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon Saaaame. @womenwhorunwiththemoon
I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and I’m sorry are you really wearing doc martens and a dress with spaghetti straps and a Tshirt under it while you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong? 🤣 Life is wild. Teenagers are fun.
Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s th Found in my pediatricians office. 🤣 What’s the moral of the story friends? If you think your household is always sick - it’s because they probably are. Kids make everything more germ-y
Here’s what I do know 👇 No one knows what th Here’s what I do know 👇

No one knows what they’re doing. 
We all feel like imposters. 
Our kids love us anyway. 
We’re all going to be OK. 
You’ve got this (as much as any of us do) 😘

#momspiration #momlife #funnymoms #memtalhealth #parentinglife #parentingquotes
"By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to "By trying to be perfect, we're actually trying to avoid being human." 

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Parenthood has helped me quite a bit, but It's something I've battled my whole life. I still struggle occasionally, although it's gotten better. But, let's stop trying to avoid being human and instead embrace ourselves an in turn embrace the entire human race. ❤️ I'd love to hear how you embrace being imperfect. 

#perfecționism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #imperfect #perfectpending #themotherload #thementalload
Mood. Mood.
Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I Some of you wanted sources on my last reel where I said we only need to be getting it right 30% of the time for our kids to have secure attachments. Well I wrote a bit more about the concept of being the “good enough mother” a term coined in the 50’s by a researcher and pediatrician. Check it all out in my newest post. Link in profile.
It’s true! Researchers have found that as long a It’s true! Researchers have found that as long as you’re doing the repair after mistakes the other times - then 30% is enough! Sometimes I worry I’m not doing it right but I definitely know I’m doing it right 30% of the time! 
Probably a whole lot more to be honest. I bet you are too. #momlife #encouragement #momspiration
Follow on Instagram

You might also like

The Greatest Gift Is To Watch Your Child Leave You

Mom holding baby in nursery and yawning

When Does Parenting Get Less Exhausting? Newsflash – Never.

Dad holding tired girl after trick or treating during Halloween in the 80's

Halloween in The 80’s Was the Best Ever

mom forcing a smile with fingers and blue background

Stop Complaining About Motherhood. Here Are 21 Reasons You Shouldn’t

Here’s How to Deal With Hating Being a Parent

Copyright © 2025 · Perfection Pending · Designed by Krizzy Designs

Copyright © 2025 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

1 shares