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By Meredith Ethington

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Teaching Your Kids To Work Is A Whole Lot Of Work

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Last summer, my kids were begging me to take them to a waterpark. I hate waterparks. And, it was $20 a person.

I told my husband that I was dreading it, and he said, “Make them earn that!” and I instantly knew he was right.

My kids have always had chores. We even used chore zones in our house for a while and it worked beautifully when they were younger. But, some days, I can’t help but think my kids have it SO easy. They spill something and walk away from it without giving it a second thought, and they sass off when they don’t get their way and I think – has nothing I taught them gotten through?

So, last summer, I made a list of chores that I hated doing and hung it on the wall. THIS would be how they would earn their trip to the waterpark. With work.

But, man was it a lot of work to teach my kids how to work.

Some days, they had no problem vacuuming and cleaning up. And other days, I could tell they were looking for the easiest possible chore on the list. It was usually one that had been done the day before so it didn’t need to be done again.

So, then the harder ones had to be done, and cue the whining and fake crying.

Each kid knew that they had to fill up their sticker chart in order to go to the waterpark and the summer was quickly coming to an end. I felt discouraged many days during the process thinking that my kids did not know how to work. And, frankly, they didn’t.

And, some days they still don’t.

But, here’s what I’ve realized besides the fact that teaching my kids how to work is work for me.

It’s worth it.

NO – not every day is pleasant. Yes, sometimes I can’t believe that they can spill jam on the floor, then step in it, then walk around in it spreading it to various places in the house and then say, “Not me!” when I demand to know who did it.

And, other days, they put their minds to something, get it done, and earn the reward.

Last summer, they got their waterpark trip. On the very. last. week. of. summer.

I didn’t think they were going to make it. I thought for sure that one or two kids would earn it and someone wouldn’t. But, they all rallied. They all pulled through, and my house looked a little cleaner than normal.

This year, we are earning something different. More fun activities that they have to work for every day during this long, hot summer.

But, the thing I continue to underestimate and have to learn myself is that we have to take baby steps in this whole parenting thing. It can be frustrating to say the least. And, many MANY days I feel like I’m not getting through to any of them.

I often feel like I’m failing. And, there are many days where I feel like they will be the roommate that leaves the smelly underwear on the floor because they never learned how to make it into the basket.

But, the truth is, as hard as it is to teach work, it’s harder to watch my kids act spoiled.

It’s harder to sit by while they fall into a mess on the floor because you want them to touch a dirty rag and they think that’s disgusting.

It’s harder to have your kids not know where the cleaning supplies are. Because that probably means one day they won’t be the one helping out their roommate, or spouse.

So, don’t give up if you feel like you’re failing. Parenting is about baby steps. We teach every freaking day and they learn about every other day.

I bet somehow, we’ll all make it out alive on the other side. And, hopefully they’ll know how to clear their dishes from the table and wipe up the jam off the floor. Fingers crossed.

If you like this post, then you might want to grab my free Summer Checklist Printable that my kids use before they get screen time.

***

 Meredith Ethington is a writer and a mom to three, trying to help her kids understand sarcasm and her need for personal space. Meredith’s debut parenting book, Mom Life: Perfection Pending, provides an uplifting yet realistic look at all that is expected of moms in the 21st century and is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at Absolute Love Publishing. She proudly writes for many of her favorite parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Babble, Momtastic, and on her own blog. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter where she loves to laugh at herself and admit that while parenting is the best thing ever, it’s also the hardest job on earth.


3 Comments

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Comments

  1. Jaclyn Musselman says

    June 15, 2018 at 11:54 am

    Great post! Exactly how I feel. I just posted about our most recent chore plan on my blog.

    Reply
  2. Jamie Martin says

    July 3, 2018 at 1:18 pm

    Yes! Our kids appreciate us so much more when they work for something, and we aren’t serving them without asking for them to take ownership. It’s so important for us to give them a chance to learn responsibility.

    Reply

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  1. Chore Zones: A Way to get LITTLE kids to clean up their BIG messes - Perfection Pending says:
    January 16, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    […] out my post on how teaching you kids to work is a lot of work, and my summer chore checklist printable that we use before they get screen […]

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Welcome! I’m Meredith.

Mom. Writer. Diet Coke connoisseur. Born and raised Texan. Lover of real talk and laughter with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

The Mother Load

Perfection Pending on Instagram

perfectpending

Mom • Author • Mental Health Therapist In Training
Grab my new book, The Mother Load, available now. 👇👇

Meredith Ethington
Working on figuring out my mission as we speak. ❤️
Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebblei Is anyone else like this? #dietcokeaddict #pebbleice #adhd #momlifebelike
Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. Here are a f Hello friends, it’s me. Meredith. 

Here are a few things I’d tell you if I could call you all up: 

❤️ It’s ok to say no to things.

❤️ Your kiddos don’t need perfection - they need real. Emotional, Messy, flawed, etc. It helps them know their emotions are valid. 

❤️ Having anxiety or depression does not mean you’re an inadequate parent. 

❤️ Never be ashamed of asking for help or going on medication if necessary. 

❤️Kids can be draining. Take time for yourself. I promise you’ll be able to be a better, more present parent if you do this. 

❤️ Boundaries are your friend. People that make you feel like you’re not enough are not. 

Hang in there. It doesn’t get easier - like at all. But you get stronger.
I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process I wrote this a few years ago. It helped me process feelings of never measuring up and feeling lIke someone else would do it better than me. 
I don’t feel like this very often anymore. But I know that there are plenty of mothers out there that do. You aren’t alone. 
The experience of Motherhood is definitely something that humbles even the most confident mothers. 
I wasn’t one to have much confidence once I began but I got there eventually. 
If you’re in this headspace of wondering if you’re enough I’m here to tell you:
1. You are. 
2. This is NORMAL. 
3. This post is for you. 
Read it on my substack now and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. ❤️ It supports me as I hopefully support you.
I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored I certainly didn’t. @a.mom.uncensored
I see nothing wrong here. I see nothing wrong here.
Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ik Still not there yet. 😑 #ikea #momlifebelike #ikeahack #jokesfordays
This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At s This was my mom’s desk when she was little. At some point it got passed down to one of her grandchildren. Then it made its way to my house and all three of my kids have used it too. 
My middle decided he was done with it and I had no idea what to do with it. It’s almost an antique at this point and I knew my mom felt sentimental about it. It’s heavy and tiny but it has good bones as they say. 
My mom lives too far away to come get it and the grandkids are all getting too big to want this desk in their rooms. 
I walked around my little house looking for a spot for it. There really isn’t one. 
Could it be an end table? Or swapped out for an entry table? 
But then I walked into my bedroom and saw this bare wall. It’s not ideal. My husband will hate it. But I’ve been thinking that I needed a study spot in my house (in a room with a door that shuts and locks) since I’m in school again at 46 years old. 
I’m hilariously too big for this little desk but also it seems just fine for sitting and writing papers. 
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is short and I’m sure it will make my mom happy to know I’m not only hanging onto this desk a little while longer but it’s going to be used for actual school work again instead of hoarding useless scraps of paper, half filled notebooks and dull crayons no one has touched in years. 
I’m breathing life back into this desk for a few more years and it seems symbolic of my taking something old (me) and using it for something new (becoming a therapist). 
I’m not super sentimental about furniture but I’m sentimental about the people that I love. 
She loves this desk so I guess I’ll love it a little longer on her behalf. ❤️
🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: 🚨Vulnerable post alert! My latest on substack: "I feel depressed that it’s back, when I had been handling things so well.
I feel hopeless that although I know it will end, that it will come back again.
I feel embarrassed that I’m sometimes mean to the ones I love most.
I feel like I want to give up.
I feel tired.
I feel overwhelmed by the tiniest thing.
I feel alone. I feel like I’m literally the only one feeling that way in that moment even though I know I’m not deep down. But, anxiety makes me feel like that.
I feel like I just would be better off if I could disappear."
First day back after a week long vacay to the fun First day back after a week long vacay to the fun of carpool and the reality of being a responsible adult is kicking my boot-ay. Can you tell? 😅
Yup. 😂 @themumcrew Yup. 😂 @themumcrew
Best thrift find ever. 😂 Best thrift find ever. 😂
Mental health matters. ❤️ Mental health matters. ❤️
You get the full tour if you’re my friend. You get the full tour if you’re my friend.
Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑 Because apparently it belongs to no one. 😑
Just like building muscles in our body, to have go Just like building muscles in our body, to have good mental health we need to build muscles in our brains as well. What does that look like? 

For me, it often looks like practicing things that make me uncomfortable. 
Saying no. Setting boundaries. Sitting in discomfort with feelings I don't like. Being OK if someone is mad at me. Learning to validate MYSELF. You get the idea. 
But, really it can be anything that you need to work on but makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable. So much so that it feels like your brain is literally rejecting it. If you want to build that muscle in your brain that is OK with disappointing people in favor of your own mental health, you have to treat it like muscle building in your body. 

1. Do it often enough. 
2. Start small, and work your way up. 
3. Go heavy when you're ready. 

Practicing it often enough is really when you're going to get big results. Soon you'll get used to those negative feelings that come along with telling someone no and knowing they're disappointed. You'll build up endurance to tolerate the feelings and be able to sit with them and let them go. And finally, it will become second nature to you to do all those things you didn't think you could do. Just like strength training for a marathon - consider strength training for your mind. 

One thing I'm working on is telling myself I'm OK. I struggle with seeking validation from others when really I need to be seeking validation from myself. Because MYSELF is good, worthy, and OK 99% of the time. 

What are you practicing right now? I'd love to hear if this is true for you.
Love this so much. @nellie_scales Love this so much. @nellie_scales
If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, conside If you’ve loved anything I’ve written, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Substack where you won’t miss any of my posts. Here’s the latest - link in profile. 

#mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigmamentalillness
For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. For the moms fighting all the battles no one sees. My latest on substack. ❤️ Link in profile
Truth right here. Truth right here.
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